To ask my dad not to take innocent photos of strangers' children?

[whosiwhatsit]

My father is a talented amateur photographer as one of his hobbies. He has a nice camera and takes lovely photos of scenery, nature, ...and children. He isn't from the UK and when he comes to visit me here we often go out for walks and that sort of thing, and he brings his camera and takes these pictures. I feel really uncomfortable when we're walking through a park or something and he snaps photos of children eating ice cream, running about,etc.

Because my father isn't from this country he doesn't understand that taking photos of children you don't know is unacceptable here (I think?). The problem, though, is that my dad can't stand for me to correct him about anything so when I have tried to ask him not to do this he tells me I'm being ridiculous and carries right on.

So AIBU and should I just let him take these photos as he's harmless? Or do I try to get him to stop? If I should get him to stop, p,ease tell me what I should say?

I am considering forwarding a link to this thread to my dad so if there's anything you want to say to him directly about how you would feel if a strange man took a photo of your child in a park please do so and I would really appreciate it. I don't have children myself which is I think one of e reasons he won't listen to me about this.

Cosy. Do you not think it is a shame that people think he is a pervert when all he likes is photography ?

The problem is that in the UK we tend to view people taking an interest in (and that includes photographing) other people's children as odd. Some people will view that oddness as merely embarrassing. Some people will view it as a threat.

I don't think it's odd and I live in the UK.

I think the problem on threads like this is that people think 'what is the problem?' in the abstract but if faced with the reality will act as cosy described above (ie embarrassed) and every now and then you will find someone who reacts angrily.

Reading with interest. People always seem to take pictures of my DC when out. I usually don't mind, but if they are taking a few I then get a bit uncomfortable and move my children along. I don't know though, it seems pretty harmless, waiting for a really good reason to come up in the thread to blankly disallow it.

Recently though a group of about three men in their 20s were trying to pose with my DC, one had a picture taken with my DD and I was a bit taken aback to stop him and then when they tried to get one with my other DD I just led her away and wouldn't let them and looked at them really strangely. It was just plain weird. (We were in a popular tourist spot with lots of people around and DH was off taking his photos (he is a very keen photographer), but prefers landscapes, sometimes with people, but usually not.

We even had Japanese tourists stand behind our wedding photographer taking the same photos as him. Again, it's odd, but I was secretly flattered

Not everyone who objects thinks the photographer is a pervert, that peadophilia is involved, or is 'hysterical' (accusations that always get thrown around on these threads).

Would you as an adult pose for photos with strangers, or let them take photos of you? I wouldn't, and I don't see why it should be different for my children. I don't like being asked to stop them doing what they are doing so they can be photographed (has happened) or find the photos used in advertising somewhere (happened to a friend of mine) and ultimately though I'm never discourteous, I'm just not so friendly I will accommodate photo requests from randoms in the street.

I know people from far flung lands often want to do this (we most often encounter this with Chinse tourists) but I don't find it a sufficient reason to allow it. I'm bi-racial, and of a generation when this was still uncommon. I grew up conspicuous, and looked at and discussed by strangers, having my hair and skin touched like a little pet. I hated it, and I try to protect my children from it as much as I possibly can.

I don't have a problem with having my picture, or the DSs pictures taken, per se. So if we're clearly going to appear in the background of someone's photos, it wouldn't cross my mind to care.

But I don't particularly like having random people obviously take a picture specifically of me or the DSs. It's nothing to do with privacy or paedo-hysteria. It's just that the actual act of pointing a camera right at someone you don't know just seems a bit intrusive.

I think it's because I did a post-grad at Oxford, where students in exam gowns etc are treated as part of the tourist scene, so I quite often had people jump in front of me to take a photo while I was on my way to the exam hall, or even try to get me to stop and pose. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. It just makes me feel like an exhibit.

I live near a touristy town and I do find that visitors try to take my photo when I've got DS2 on my back in a sling. I wouldn't do it in another country and I don't like people doing it to me. I wouldn't say anything or approach them about it, but I do tend to turn away and make it clear I'm not enjoying the attention.

Irrespective of the rights or wrongs of your date taking these photos, he's risking his safety.

A friend of mine (like him, a brilliant photographer) once ended up in hospital with the injuries caused by a neighbour whose kids she had photographed without permission. After she came out of hospital, she received a lot of hassle on the streets around her house, and ended up having to move.

When I was travelling with a female friend in China a few years ago, we took photos of children, adults, dogs, food, shops etc. No-one batted an eyelid. There were a group of boys skateboarding and doing some pretty impressive tricks and we took ages trying to get a good pic. Some parents actually made their children pose for us! On the flipside a lot of Chinese people were very keen to take photos of us posing with their families. We were happy to oblige.
This is not especially helpful I know, just to highlight the difference in cultural norms...
On another note I am at the people saying that if someone took a pic of their child they would smash the camera up. Wanton criminal damage, great example to set your kids...!

This happened to my children recently, some Japanese people took photos of them. I didn't for a moment think they were perverts!!! but the poster who says it is socially unacceptable is right. If they'd been English speakers I would have said 'I'd prefer you didn't thank you!' but with an apologetic smile. I wonder why it does feel so intrusive??

I was smiling awkwardly because what else could I do, but I did think, eh? really?! My children are not blonde, so that's not why, they have very heart shaped faces, big eyes, and "they look like cartoons".

We have some framed photographs on our bedroom wall that DH took when we were in Paris. One is of an old fella sitting on a chair in the park with his eyes closed, one is of several couples sitting round the edge of a boating lake and the last one is of a row of little children on ponies seen from behind.

All of those people were enjoying the same place and moment in time as we were and the pictures remind me of a beautiful day in a wonderful city.

I wouldn't mind in the slightest if a picture of DS playing in a park ended up framed on the wall of some Parisian couple's bedroom.

Our son is part of the wider world as much as part of ours. It is natural that he is going to appear in someone else's landscape or view of a certain event or place or moment in time.

I wonder how some posters Herr would cope in various parts of Asia where it is customary to do things such as pat children on the bottom if they are sweet and polite.

If you don't want your privacy invaded you'll have to stay in your home and keep away from the internet.

Id personally be more worried about people who have regular access to my children with opportunity to build trust than I would a stranger taking a picture of my fully clothed - or even in swimming costumes - children at play in a public place.

Thinking of your photos Quenelle, your DH was happy to take them but what would you have done if the people you had photographed had objected? I am guessing that he would have stopped and if someone got really upset he would have deleted them and apologised?

pinkballetflats, you may not object but someone else might.