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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my dad not to take innocent photos of strangers' children?

163 replies

whosiwhatsit · 09/06/2013 18:41

My father is a talented amateur photographer as one of his hobbies. He has a nice camera and takes lovely photos of scenery, nature, ...and children. He isn't from the UK and when he comes to visit me here we often go out for walks and that sort of thing, and he brings his camera and takes these pictures. I feel really uncomfortable when we're walking through a park or something and he snaps photos of children eating ice cream, running about,etc.

Because my father isn't from this country he doesn't understand that taking photos of children you don't know is unacceptable here (I think?). The problem, though, is that my dad can't stand for me to correct him about anything so when I have tried to ask him not to do this he tells me I'm being ridiculous and carries right on.

So AIBU and should I just let him take these photos as he's harmless? Or do I try to get him to stop? If I should get him to stop, p,ease tell me what I should say?

I am considering forwarding a link to this thread to my dad so if there's anything you want to say to him directly about how you would feel if a strange man took a photo of your child in a park please do so and I would really appreciate it. I don't have children myself which is I think one of e reasons he won't listen to me about this.

OP posts:

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/06/2013 23:02

I think the people that would be 'livid' or 'outraged' if someone took a picture of their fully clothed child in a public place need to take a look at themselves tbqh.

What a load of guff.

blueemerald · 09/06/2013 23:04

Using photographs without permission in advertisements is against the law though.

I'm still wondering what a paedophile is going to do with a photo of a clothed child in a park? (I can appreciate how a beach might be a different situation).

Latara · 09/06/2013 23:05

I would be pissed off if a stranger took my photo without permission, legal as it may be.

If i had children and it happened to them i'd be Very pissed off.

It's an invasion of privacy IMO. That's just my personal view which is perfectly valid.

claraschu · 09/06/2013 23:07

I wouldn't mind at all. What possible harm can this do?

currentbuns · 09/06/2013 23:07

A frIend of mine is a press photographer (broadsheet, not paparazzi) by profession and always has a camera on him. I've known him to take pictures of strangers (including children) in public places on countless occasions (not work related). He usually seems to ask first if he is specifically photographing someone and they always seem to say yes. He even gets them posing for him, standing in a different way etc. I'd feel very embarrassed taking a photograph of a stranger and wouldn't particularly like to be photographed, but it would depend on context.
I have had a few strangers approach me & ask to have a picture taken with my blonde dc in the middle east & Asia.

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/06/2013 23:08

You don't have privacy in a public park Latara. You know all them other people, with eyes, they can see what you're doing and there's probably CCTV somewhere around.

Ilovemyself · 09/06/2013 23:11

Latara. If you are in a public place then by definition you do not have privacy and therefore there can be no invasion of privacy

Latara · 09/06/2013 23:15

I just feel that photos are a private thing somehow. Or they should be.

Latara · 09/06/2013 23:18

Slightly off-topic i keep having Facebook linking me to Spotted... whenever a friend makes a comment on some poor person's photo

All of my town were discussing one poor woman's (admittedly bad) appearance in a photo that was secretly taken without her permission.

This is when secret photo taking gets nasty!

Ilovemyself · 09/06/2013 23:18

But the photos are not about the individual in these circumstances, they are about the situation.

I guess a photo I took would be personal to me but only because I hope it would be an outstanding photo.

Ilovemyself · 09/06/2013 23:22

Latara. That sounds like a photo taken with the intent of causing harm or distress. That is a totally different circumstance and the legality then could be queried as a hate crime - as it was taken with the intention of being harmful or intimidating.

Latara · 09/06/2013 23:25

Yes it's the intent behind the photo taking that is concerning in that case.

BeaWheesht · 09/06/2013 23:29

Hmmm someone took ds's photo the other day and told him to stand still so she could get a good photo! He didn't want to so we said he wasn't keen. I was a bit annoyed more because she told him to stand still when he didn't even know her tbh. My mum on the other hand is convinced ds now has his photo on some 'kidnap to order' website which I find unlikely!

Ilovemyself · 09/06/2013 23:35

BeaWheesht. As much as I am ok with taking photos, you do not interfere with the activity of the person you are taking photos of. If you want to do that you MUST ask their permission.

Iaintdunnuffink · 09/06/2013 23:38

I have no problem with being on security camera, or caught on a photograph. I would expect someone to ask my permission if they wanted to specifically photograph me. Or if they had taken a photograph, or film where i was the feature and to ask me before they used it in any form of publication.

I would expect the same for my children. I don't think anything terrible will happen to them if a stranger has a photo of them clothed and playing in a public place but it's polite to ask. I don't go around photographing children but I also don't go around taking photographs of adults I don't know.

sweetiepie1979 · 09/06/2013 23:57

Some Spanish folk found my dd sweet and took a photos of her last week, I was very uncomfortable by too polite to say. They were in their early 20s hippies obviously enjoying some travelling and I knew deep down it was harmless enough. But if I saw your dad taking a photo of my dd I'd go mental and set my husband on him. So there you go.

OutragedFromLeeds · 10/06/2013 00:02

your mental problems and your DH's violent behaviour are more damaging to your DD than a harmless old man taking her photo.

olgaga · 10/06/2013 00:33

What a sad OP, and some absurd responses.

If you don't want people taking photos of your fully-clothed children in a public place, best stay at home.

I have countless family photos of us with all kinds of anonymous adults and children in the shot. Some of them are scenery shots with other people's children in them.

Should I hang myself, as I obviously have some kind of problem?

OP you have warned your dad that there are some knuckle-draggers about who might get the wrong idea and beat the shit out of him, but he is right to think that such people are rare.

Photography - good photography - is art. I doubt anyone would turn a hair if someone set up a canvas and easel and started painting a park scene.

sweetiepie1979 · 10/06/2013 00:33

Em outraged was that statement for someone imparticulat, confused! Pretty sure I don't have mental problems though a slightly hormonal today with pregnancy and husband as far as I'm aware is a total gentleman.

sweetiepie1979 · 10/06/2013 00:36

Oh I see what youve done outraged. I get it now.

sweetiepie1979 · 10/06/2013 00:40

I'm afraid it's the world be live in, the ild media are particularly bad for focusing on it so much. And I think I've got a little bit paranoid about that sort thing. I think he should at least ask though.

OutragedFromLeeds · 10/06/2013 00:45

If your DH is a total gent then the OP's father doesn't need to fear him being 'set on him' does he? In which case what's the point of your earlier post

WhenIwerealad · 10/06/2013 00:46

My mother in law tried to take photographs of her own grandchildren at a swimming pool.

Some lifeguard came over and told her not to.

Utter idiocy - the swimming pool was surrounded by CCTV. So, thousands of photographs were being taken of every scantily clad man, woman, and child in that pool - every, single, second.

Think about that the next time you start ringing your hands about whether or not it's ok to take a picture that happens to have kids in it.

When

WhenIwerealad · 10/06/2013 00:59

And another thing - kids and adults are filmed and photographed all the time without their consent.

Think of football matches and World Cup coverage - the camera scans the crowd and picks out the good shots - then broadcasts the images to the world. An audience of billions.

And nobody asked for permission when they took a picture of Phan Thi Kim Phuc ... did they?

When

HolidayArmadillo · 10/06/2013 01:10

Thing is even if he was a paedophile, which I am sure he isn't, even then, what harm would it do? My children are just doing what they are doing, they aren't being exploited, hurt or harmed, I dare say I'd rather that than some poor child being filmed or photographed in explicit situations.

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