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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my dad not to take innocent photos of strangers' children?

163 replies

whosiwhatsit · 09/06/2013 18:41

My father is a talented amateur photographer as one of his hobbies. He has a nice camera and takes lovely photos of scenery, nature, ...and children. He isn't from the UK and when he comes to visit me here we often go out for walks and that sort of thing, and he brings his camera and takes these pictures. I feel really uncomfortable when we're walking through a park or something and he snaps photos of children eating ice cream, running about,etc.

Because my father isn't from this country he doesn't understand that taking photos of children you don't know is unacceptable here (I think?). The problem, though, is that my dad can't stand for me to correct him about anything so when I have tried to ask him not to do this he tells me I'm being ridiculous and carries right on.

So AIBU and should I just let him take these photos as he's harmless? Or do I try to get him to stop? If I should get him to stop, p,ease tell me what I should say?

I am considering forwarding a link to this thread to my dad so if there's anything you want to say to him directly about how you would feel if a strange man took a photo of your child in a park please do so and I would really appreciate it. I don't have children myself which is I think one of e reasons he won't listen to me about this.

OP posts:
ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 10/06/2013 02:14

OP, I understand your dads views, and your concerns. Yes it's depressing that people may view him as a threat to their children, and that they doubt his motives. But he needs to be sensible about this.

I say this as I did witness an altercation in a public place when an older male was taking pictures, the father of snapped children objected, it all got a bit heated and ended up with threats etc until the photographer deleted the images in front of the family. It was very close to getting physical. And i dont imagine, in our current social mood, this would be a unique incident.

I really hope your dad has a think, wouldn't want him to come to any harm.

CoolStoryBro · 10/06/2013 02:39

If I caught someone taking a photo of my kids playing, I would start a conversation with them, not reprimand them. There's every chance you would end up with a fantastic shot of your child. I love street photography!

And you only need to look at how many 365 photo websites there are to know how common it is. 365Challenge, 365Tumblr, 365Flickr, Blipfoto, etc etc etc.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 10/06/2013 04:12

Holiday I am really shocked my your comment. Just, no.

Oscalito · 10/06/2013 04:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
whosiwhatsit · 10/06/2013 06:39

Oscalito if its just going to be a verbal bollocking then in a way that's ok, however it doesn't fix the fact that he will potentially have frightened other parents who were too scared to speak up. But if its a physical confrontation then I'm worried my dad would be injured which would be pretty awful.

I think what my dad needs to do is realise how people feel about this and then make his own decision. If he feels he wants to take a stand and keep taking these photos knowing what he's risking then he's legally allowed to do that. But I don't think, based on the majority of responses here, that he should just dismiss my concerns as silly and just in my head which is what he had been doing.

OP posts:
sweetiepie1979 · 10/06/2013 07:18

Em can you back down please Outraged I'm not here to argue. Setting my husband on A man taking photos was a little bit of tongue and cheek. Though I know it is hard to pick these things up on a thread.
Holiday your post has left me feeling a bit yuck!

LottieJenkins · 10/06/2013 07:25

I wonder how LS Lowry got on when he used to do his drawings years ago? He did loads of pencil drawings and paintings of children.............Smile

Iggi101 · 10/06/2013 09:30

Cctv is totally different. Those pictures aren't going to end up on facebook are they? Children (not your own) could have their location identified by the background. There may not be many children who'd be in danger that way, but at school there is usually one or two (escaped from a violent past, etc)

HorryIsUpduffed · 10/06/2013 10:24

Holiday has a point though.

If a man sees me on the bus and thinks I'm sexy, and goes home and has a nice wank at the memory, it affects me not one jot. It doesn't even affect me if his memory blossoms into a vivid abuse fantasy.

Obviously if he saw me the next day and told me about it, I'd feel used or threatened, but it would be the telling and not the act itself that would cause distress IYSWIM.

RubyThePirate · 10/06/2013 11:49

What if you happened across a photo he had taken covertly and uploaded to some website, Horry?

HorryIsUpduffed · 10/06/2013 11:57

I'd feel shitty probably. But again it would be the discovery rather than the photo that would cause harm.

People get their kicks from all sorts of things. On a sliding scale it is obviously better for someone to perv over a photo or video of an unharmed person than a coerced/abused/assaulted person. It isn't good but as long as that person is oblivious it hasn't actually harmed them.

EldritchCleavage · 10/06/2013 11:58

I don't like it, whether it is of me or DH or the children. In the moment, I find it intrusive. I don't like to be subjected to that kind of observation or gaze, even briefly (long teenage/twenties years getting pervy attention off men does that to a person) and even when the interest is not sexual. It's less sinister than just ill-mannered, though.

I don't particularly fear any paedophile aspect to taking photos of my children but I do know of a couple of friends whose child was used for adverts when a street snap was sold on. It caused an awful lot of problems in one case. People post all kinds of photos on the Internet and cannot then control what use is made of them.

I refuse politely though. We find a lot of Chinese tourists in particular want to take pictures of our children. We just block the shot, smile politely, move on.

quoteunquote · 10/06/2013 12:06

life is a beach

last resort

cost of living

I hope your dad carries on, I did my degree in documentary photography, I'm sure he would enjoy such a course,

There is no law to stop you taking photographs in any public place,

When you are at the beach, do you ask everyone on the beach to move out of the way while you take a photograph?

It does no harm taking normal pictures of everyday life.

freddiefrog · 10/06/2013 12:10

I wiuld be upset if someone took photos of my children without my permission.

It never used to bother me, then photos of my children were found on a paedophile's computer. This person was being investigated for grooming young girls and had lots of pics of my kids taken 'innocently' of them playing at the beach

It makes me feel sick that this person even knows of my girls existence, the thought of them perving over their pictures has made me very wary about anyone I don't know taking pictures of them. Obviously, them being caught in the background is par for the course if we ever want to leave the house, but I'd not be happy if someone actually took shots directly of them without my permission. Maybe it's not particularly rational, but once bitten twice shy I suppose

quoteunquote · 10/06/2013 12:11

www.martinparr.com/

I hope martin parr's children don't have such a limited view.

quoteunquote · 10/06/2013 12:11

www.martinparr.com/

FasterStronger · 10/06/2013 12:17

you cannot go around accusing people of being paedophiles.

DP was taking photos of children this weekend. he was thinking about hiring the activity for his school.

if anyone complained I was going to tell them he is CRB checked. are you CRB check? now go away and stop harassing us.

defineme · 10/06/2013 12:19

If there's something extraordinary about what my kids are doing then fine eg when our street flooded and the kids were paddling-loads of people took photos of them and I didn't mind a t all. Or if it's a beauty spot or something.

If my kids are the focus just because they're lovely kids then ask my permission.
It's only happened to me in France when an Indian man wanted to photos of dd-4 yrs, as he wanted to to take them of her sitting with his wife and said it was because of her beautiful hair-I said ok as it seemed well meant -did think I'd never get that happen in Britain!

Have none of you traveled and taken photos of local kids?

EuroShaggleton · 10/06/2013 12:25

As others have said, he is doing nothing illegal or morally. He should however be aware that some parents might take exception to what he is doing and could react aggressively.

I also take photographs as a hobby. I mostly take scenery, flowers, that sort of thing, but occasionally try my hand at street scenes. When I do this, I tend to be subtle about it - sit at a cafe, with a longish lens, keeping my camera on my lap when not in use. I do this because someone might take exception to my perfectly legal hobby and try to damage me or my equipment.

quoteunquote · 10/06/2013 12:27

Have none of you traveled and taken photos of local kids?

Or looked at pictures of children in different parts of the world, such that are in every magazine, newspaper, on TV?

Maybe british children are special M&S children.

quoteunquote · 10/06/2013 12:28

He should however be aware that some parents might take exception to what he is doing and could react aggressively.

In which case phone the police, they are jolly good at dealing with aggressive people.

THERhubarb · 10/06/2013 12:34

Hmm, it's a difficult one as I have a friend who is also a photographer. He now lives in Russia but he has taken photos all over the world of places and people - including children. For him it is often the person in the scene which makes the photo. Such as an old lady who is sat on the roadside selling her wares, or smiling Vietnamese children who all crowd around him, their eager eyes often captivating the shot. Sometimes it can be a small child sat in a deserted street or a group of old people laughing together.

If photos of people were banned then we would not have this form of artwork.

Next time you go into an art gallery to see real life stills, perhaps you should wonder about whether or not the people in the picture gave their permission? Next time you go googly eyes over a photo of a cute child, you should wonder whether that child should be shown to all the world.

You see there is a hypocrisy here. On the one hand parents are saying "no you cannot photograph my children you pervert!" but these same parents would think nothing of viewing photos of children in an art gallery.

If I saw someone taking pictures of my children, quite openly, I would perhaps approach them and ask if I could have a copy.

We get a lot of tourists around here as I live on the edge of a National Trust village. Many of them love to take pictures of the village and the children, particularly if they are in their school uniform. The school won't allow it but I don't mind if I'm walking ds back home. I think it's nice that he will be in someone's holiday snaps.

We are all too paranoid as a nation.

I would tell your dad that if the parents are nearby, it might be polite to ask them first but I understand that he doesn't want to lose his spontaneous shot, so if he can't ask them before he starts snapping, perhaps he should ask them afterwards. Unless they look as if they don't care.

Not every parent sees a paedophile lurking around every corner. Most of us do have an ounce of common sense.

TwistsnTurns · 10/06/2013 12:39

I think it depends on what your father does with his photos OP. You might want to point out to your father that there are a lot of children in child protection for example who could be put at risk if he uploads his photos to the internet. That would be my main concern.

EspressoMonkey · 10/06/2013 12:55

Some dirty perv took my photo on a beach a few years ago. It was uploaded onto a free webpage for lovers of big norks to have a wank over. I only found about it when DH's secretary's DSS's 'friend' stumbled across it online. It was awful. It was an Australian webpage, DH threatened them with legal action and eventually it was taken down.

I wouldn't take someone's photo without their permission, it just isn't right.

SsimTee · 10/06/2013 12:56

Sad, but i would be one of those people who would ask him to delete the pictures straight away or I would take the camera off him myself. I wouldn't verbally abuse him because of his age, and i would first ask him to delete the pictures himself, but if he said no, believe me i would be smashing that camera to pieces. And i'm not joking. So tell him to stop, 'cos it really is not worth it for all the hassle it would cost him if he ever encountered somebody like me. It wouldn't only get HIM in trouble but probably the person whose kids he's been taking pictures of as well, because parents react in different ways when it comes to protecting their children.