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To ban kissing my baby on the lips

155 replies

Nora2012 · 09/06/2013 17:02

I'm not sure if I'm the only person in the world who has this view but I hate when other people kiss my baby on the lips. My MIL is the main culprit and it makes my skin crawl. I won't deny that we don't get on, so that exasperates the issue, but it's not just a hello/goodbye kiss, she picks bet up and just slobbers all over her face. DD is only 6 months old but has started cringing, I'm sure she doesn't like it, she doesn't laugh. The MIL also smokes and although I won't allow DD near when she's actually smoking her breath constantly stinks of smoke. How do I approach this situation? My husband and I show DD affection all the time, so she's not lacking in love. I just feel she doesn't treat DD as a person with a right to her own personal space she just treats her like a doll who's just there for her to pull and poke.

OP posts:

timidviper · 09/06/2013 17:04

No idea how you solve it but I hate this too so YANBU


ScarletLady02 · 09/06/2013 17:05

Hmmm...tricky one. I wouldn't be happy with a smoker doing it to such a young baby, but if she wasn't a smoker...well she IS her Nan and GPs do get a bit carried away YANBU and a bit U in a way

I can get your point about personal space, I hate people invading mine, but I can also understand people getting carried away with little babies...they are very kissable.

At the end of the day though, she's your baby. How does her Dad feel about it?


picnicbasketcase · 09/06/2013 17:08

YANBU but don't be at all surprised if your MIL takes no notice of what you've said.


Nora2012 · 09/06/2013 17:08

Thank god I'm not just blatantly wrong. DH doesn't like it but won't say anything so it's down to me. I know they're very kissable, so I'm trying to be tactful but I just think its too full on when she's just all over her face.

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/06/2013 17:09

I would not be happy with a smoker doing it, but other than that I would not have a problem in the slightest if family members and close friends wanted to kiss my babies like that.


TwilightInParis · 09/06/2013 17:09

well she IS her Nan and GPs do get a bit carried away YANBU and a bit U in a way

I agree, one day you will be the MIL and want to show affection to your grandchild that your DD/DIL won't like.

I don't think you are being unreasonable about the smokey breath though.


ScarletLady02 · 09/06/2013 17:10

I do see what you're saying. It's a tricky one to deal with I guess. I think the smoking thing would really irritate me (and I don't really have an issue with smokers). The chemicals hang around, if you can smell them, then they're there, and she is still very little so that's a good enough reason to stop it right there.

Hopefully someone will come along with practical help Grin


whoopwhoopbib · 09/06/2013 17:11

Yanbu I hate it when dp does it to dd but this comes from the fact that I suffer from coldsores so I would never kiss a baby on the lips.

I think you should tell your dp how you feel and next time she does it just politely ask her not to.

I have asked soneone who had recently had two coldsores one after the other to not kiss then newborn dd anywhere and I don't care if it is deemed overprotective etc.


kelda · 09/06/2013 17:12

Gross. No way would I let anyone kiss my baby on the lips. Very unhygienic, and even worse as she's a smoker.

I would tell her not to as it's an infection risk.


kelda · 09/06/2013 17:13

About 80% of the population suffer from cold sores even if they don't realise it.


ScarletLady02 · 09/06/2013 17:14

The cold sore point is one I didn't think of to be fair. That can be very dangerous. My Mum gets them from time to time, but we've never really been full on lip kissers anyway.


Coconutty · 09/06/2013 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nora2012 · 09/06/2013 17:19

Thank you, I just can't help thinking that I wouldn't like it, DD doesn't look as though she's enjoying it, so until she's old enough to move away herself if she doesn't like it, it's my job to stick up for her.

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bornagaindomesticgoddess · 09/06/2013 17:19

Yuck, yuck, yuck! I hate that people do this. I would not even kiss my own baby on the lips, let alone let anyone else do it.

It is intrusive and unhygienic. So no, YADNBU. However, tread carefully... you don't want to hurt the MIL's feelings. And please don't mention her smoking, you really don't need to. It would come across as quite judgemental, I think.


TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 09/06/2013 17:20

YANBU. The smoking and the chance of cold sores. If you don't want to offend her, tell her it's because of cold sores and you've told everyone that, or something. If you specifically tell her about the smoking aspect, it'll make it harder.


kelda · 09/06/2013 17:24

If you feel the need to be backed up, tell her that the baby clinic have said that she shouldn't do it. I'm pretty sure that's waht they would tell you, along with not smoking an hour or more before she sees the baby.

And if she refuses to listen to you, then I would refuse to let her pick up the baby. Your baby's health is more important.


Nora2012 · 09/06/2013 17:27

Goodness I hadn't heard the story about the cold sores but now I'm definitely against it. That sounds good enough reason to ask people not to do it.

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RachmanenoughR · 09/06/2013 17:28

YANBU, it's gross. My grandmother used to kiss me on the lips as a child and I hated it. She got cold sores too (luckily I don't).


trackies · 09/06/2013 17:29

i've heard you can be a carrier of meningitis, but not actually develop it. Therefore, can pass it on without even knowing that you have and then the other person develops it. A member in my family died from it, and their close family relatives are now very careful when it comes to kissing. Perhaps use germs and a story like that to stop her from doing it.


miffybun73 · 09/06/2013 17:30

YANBU, I hate it too, just yuck!

Also, when people put their fingers in your baby's mouth as some kind of teething aid - makes me want to vom.


marriedinwhiteagain · 09/06/2013 17:33

Totally inappropriate. DH and I didn't kiss our own children on the lips and our parents didn't ad don't either. Kissing on the lips is between partners, surely. YANBU.

But I'd say the smoking is your solution, at least you have a valid reason to ask your MIL not to do it.


Alisvolatpropiis · 09/06/2013 17:36


I'd definitely ask her nicely not to do it.


Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/06/2013 17:39

Fuck me, what an uptight bunch! Hmm


PixelAteMyFace · 09/06/2013 17:50


Babies should not be kissed on the lips. Apart from the health risks, just why do it? Would people kiss a 5 year-old or a 12 year-old on the lips?

I much prefer to kiss a plump little cheek and nuzzle the hair behind the ears


Nora2012 · 09/06/2013 17:50

Thanks all, I'm going to take the plunge and express my thoughts with everyone so she's not singled out but be quite firm that its not appropriate. Thank you.

OP posts:
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