What do you think would be better for this toddler? Sah or nursery

[Orangesandpeas]

Do you think it is better for a nearly 2 year old boy to:

a) either go to an average standard nursery (minimum of 3 long days a week)

b) or to stay at home with mum (everyday) who takes him to various toddler group/activities 3-4 times a week and also has him watch tv for up 2-3 hours max a day (No other interactions with other children or adults apart from the toddler groups)

ah, see, at our group, the toys are tidied up (by everyone, parents and children), before the end - there are 10 minutes of singing at the end of each session.

I would blame the group for that, personally. Of course a child is going to want to carry on playing with the toys!!!

"He is mostly risky in regards to climbing on things."

things? what, toys that are laid out like climbing frames? or chairs etc?

if toys, then just leave him to it, seriously, if he falls, he won't seriously hurt himself and it's exploration, that's what children need to do.
If it's chairs etc, then pull him off every time, go down to his level and tell him not to.
if he does it more than twice, take him out of the room, or into a corner and make him sit there for a few minutes.
be consistent and he'll soon stop doing it (in theory)

They do tidy up (don't do singing though) but larger toys are left out.

He tries climbing on most things, which is why I do need to watch him more.

I have found using a top quality nursery best for me. Loads of messy play, out door forest school and lessons in their swimming pool, all stuff i just cant do at home all the time

Now if I had a high quality nursery like this to use I wouldn't hesitate.

that one does sound fab

it'll be fine, it really will.
as he gets older, he'llunderstand more and keeping going to these places will be good for both if you :)

My dd has been at nursery since she was 9 months old and loves it. She has grown up confident, very outspoken and social. So we didn't hesitate to send ds to the same nursery. However he hated it. He cried and cried and didn't suit the hectic life. He is now with a childminder and loves it. He waves me good bye happily every morning and gets a lot of close, one-on-one attention. Although it is a bit of a pain to drop them off and pick them up from 2 different places but I truly believe that what is good for one is not always the best for another. However ds does have speech delay (caused by early medical/feeding problems) and I now feel that he could do with a pre-school environment as well - dropped off and picked up by CM.

My ds is 2 in 3 months and doesn't talk yet! Should I be worried?! I wasn't until I read some of this thread!

Re: the op, SAHM wouldn't suit me at all, and I now work 3 days which has made a massive difference (was previously working ft).

I see you've decided to sah which is great but don't feel guilty if you want/need to return to work. 3 days is still less than half the week which means that he'd get the best part of the week with you.

However ds does have speech delay (caused by early medical/feeding problems) and I now feel that he could do with a pre-school environment as well

If he is with a good childminder who doesn't bung him in front of the tv and leave him playing alone for long periods his language development is probably much better supported by staying with her.

If you want him to go to preschool to prepare him for school that's different. He will learn the skills involved in being cared for as part of a group and that will help his transition into school.

A good childminding setting with a responsive adult who knows him really well in a quieter environment would probably support his language development better than a group setting like a pre-school - unless, of course, it is a specialist pre-school for children with communication delays.

I've done both. Ds in nursery 3 days a week 8.30-5.30. Dd at home with me for first 2 years, then a few short sessions at preschool.

In our case, home definitely better for child. Nursery definitely better for me!

Blackholes - he should have some words by that age, say 20+ words/animal sounds etc. Doesn't matter if they are only decipherable to you though. At 2 my DS was saying some words and 2 word phrases but most people outside the family couldn't understand him, by 2.5 he was taking in sentences and at 2.10 you can pretty much have an intelligible conversation

Blackholes

You should probably have a word with your health visitor.

Lots of children talk late just because that is right for them and it's perfectly fine. They like to pick up on all of those children just because there will be a very small number who need some sort of therapy and the earlier that starts the easier it is to help them.

Your DS will probably be in the group that starts to speak when they are ready and is absolutely fine but you need to get him seen just in case.

You don't have to be working or looking for work for your dc to go to nursery. I hate how people think nursery is only used for that. Yes it helps when you do work but what's wrong with sending your dc to nursery for their benefit of socialising if you're unable to find one close enough to you that's a toddler group.

what's wrong with sending your dc to nursery for their benefit of socialising if you're unable to find one close enough to you that's a toddler group

I don't think anyone has said that it is wrong. If you feel as a parent that you would like to have that, you are perfectly entitled to send them.

The OP has said that she already takes her child to toddler groups so there's no need for this in her case.

Eek! Thanks, will take him to clinic next week then. He does communicate and has a few meaningful sounds/the odd word but I'm talking around 5, not 20+

His sister was a total chatterbox from 12 months ish but I've always just thought that's because she's a girl, and quite bright!

Try not to worry. I've known two children who didn't speak a word until they were three and then came out with full sentences.

I'd really try to persuade your DH about a childminder. I think home environments are best so I use a CM four days a week while I work. Nurseries can be excellent but they would not be my preference for a nearly 2yo.

I couldn't stay at home, I'd have the tv on and be too shouty, so I understand!

"Dh has issues trusting a single childminder (prefers several carers being involved), which is why it is not an option."

That's a shame - because a single carer that a child can feel comfortable with is almost certainly better than several carers who are also looking after other children, don't have a particular bond with your child, and may leave after a few months. (It does depend, of course, on the quality of the childminder.)

The OP's DS sounds very much like my DD as a toddler. If a child is very energetic, it's extremely hard to find ways of amusing them for 12 hours a day. Even if they watch tv for three hours, that's still nine hours in which you have to try and entertain them, or in other words stop them from going round the house wreaking havoc. I gather there are small children who will play happily on their own for hours on end, but this was never the case with my DD!.

It depends on the quality of the nursery too - nursery keyworkers can and do form particular bonds with their children, and in a good nursery there will be low staff turnover. And childminders are looking after other children too - in a nursery it will be 1:4 for a 2 year old, at a childminders it could be 1:6 after school, 1:3 pre-schoolers.

Nursery every time.

Much better for him.

I have DD in for 2 half days (mainly to give myself a break and do the housework, yes, I did just say I do housework in my 'time off') and have found it really interesting to see what he has learnt. Obviously your DS will still be spending more than half of his time with you with 3 days in nursery, so I don't think you need to worry too much.
DD has learnt how to wait at the top of slides for the person on it to get off and walk away, to put her cups and plates on the table rather than walk around with them, to say thank you (not sure if that was them or me, but she does it even when giving something to someone else) and how to share albeit sometimes begrudgingly She plays really well with other kids and isn't shy to join in with things.
Re your DS speech - you might be surprised at words he will master if the adult doesn't quite understand. I know with DD I recognise what she wants even without her asking sometimes and am perhaps too quick to give it to her, therefore she never really needs to use the word, even if she knows it. She would do at nursery plus she will eat fruit at nursery and not in front of me!

Plus nursery should have an activity on every day, which you may not feel up to. IMO social interaction is very important so I think you should give nursery a whirl :)

Well my ds (almost 3) went to a child minder from 19 months and she was/is brilliant. He went twice a week and once to his grandmother. So out three days in a homely environment.

But I am on maternity leave at the moment and home full time with ds. It may be a coincidence/age/I am just noticing because I am at home more.

But he is much better behaved now. His speech has come on leaps and bounds. He is much nicer to me (I get lots more cuddles and spontaneous kisses than ever before).

Having said this...when maternity leave comes to an end I will have to go back to work.

hackmum "That's a shame - because a single carer that a child can feel comfortable with is almost certainly better than several carers who are also looking after other children, don't have a particular bond with your child, and may leave after a few months. (It does depend, of course, on the quality of the childminder.)"

Children can actually bond with several carers. I wouldn't be happy with a nursery with a high staff turnover, ours doesn't, and whilst key workers change when the children move rooms, they still see all the workers they've bonded with. Also, wouldn't a childminder also look after other children? Surely they don't get normally 1:1 there either?

My children went to nursery at around about two and a half and really enjoyed it, built up great relationships with their key workers and were obviously very happy. So I'd say perhaps start planning for nursery in a few months (ours had a bit of a waiting time anyway). Two hours TV over a day doesn't seem particularly awful to me. I'm sure my two had at least that with just getting ready in the morning and the hour we all sat down together in the evening. One possible option would be to ask the nursery that you think is possible if they could have him for a few mornings or afternoons a week before you go back to work so that you can test the waters (and get a break too).

Do people really think 2-3 hours of tv is so unreasonable the little boy would be better in a nursery 3 long (what 10 hours?) a day? Little children don't need constant stimulation, play dough, activities. They just need love and security. Early years funding will allow you 15 hours of free nursery care when he is three. My 3 year old dd gets up at 5.30am. There is no way I'm pretending to be her horse at that time in the morning. She watches tv, movies or plays on my iPad until at least 7, then we start our activities. She will watch tv at other times during the day too. She is totally fine.

Do people really think 2-3 hours of tv is so unreasonable the little boy would be better in a nursery 3 long (what 10 hours?) a day?

Well, research suggests no TV at all for under-twos (not that that is something I have managed to abide by myself and I am not some TV-is-the-devil type)

Regardless, I think what you are suggesting in that statement is that nursery is some sort of last resort and something negative.

In my experience it is not at all - in fact it is a positive.

I don't have to send DS to nursery. DH is at home and could look after him but we choose to send him for 2 full days a week. And have done since he was 5 months old.

To my mind, the benefits are enormous. DS loves it. There are so many different activities and experiences that with the best will in the world we simply could not recreate at home.

They do arts and crafts, baking, outdoor play, messy play, soft play, quiet play, reading, trips to the park, picnics, music time, dance time, have a rabbit, have animals brought in from local farms (piglets last week), etc, etc etc.

We do do these things at home, but can't sustain it for 8 hours solid due to having dull life stuff to attend to (house work, cooking, shopping, home admin etc). Much like the OP we do our best when he is at home and try to do as many activities as possible, but there are always going to be times when something needs doing and the focus cannot be on him. Which is generally when the TV comes in. Nursery doesn't have those distractions (and certainly doesn't have a TV) so DS gets a full day dedicated to him.

Not only that, DS in an only child and likely to remain one, so nursery gives him a great opportunity to socialise and play with other children.

At 18 months he is speaking in full sentences and is confident, independent and gregarious. A lot of which I put down to nursery. He cheers when we get there and absolutely thrives on it.

Of course, much depends on the quality of the nursery and the personality of the child but this "home is always better" stance really puzzles me. It isn't. There are some god awful homes out there and some excellent ones. There are some god awful nuserys and some excellent ones. It isn't a definitive that one is better than the other.

For me however, an excellent nursery has real benefits for a child. And that is why I choose to send my DS even though I don't need to.

I think from the sounds of it the OPs child would get more benefit from nursery 3 days a week and home 4 days a week than just from home 7 days a week, but it does of course depend on the quality of the nursery, the child and how the OP feels.