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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do you think would be better for this toddler? Sah or nursery

180 replies

Orangesandpeas · 08/06/2013 09:21

Do you think it is better for a nearly 2 year old boy to:

a) either go to an average standard nursery (minimum of 3 long days a week)

b) or to stay at home with mum (everyday) who takes him to various toddler group/activities 3-4 times a week and also has him watch tv for up 2-3 hours max a day (No other interactions with other children or adults apart from the toddler groups)

OP posts:

HelloDoris · 08/06/2013 09:53

Nursery, but it really depends on the child. My 2 love going to nursery, I don't have to work but find it soothes my soul to have adults to talk too. Different strokes for different folks and all that!

lachrymavitis · 08/06/2013 09:53

Home.

Make some friends, have a few playdates, cut down on the TV.

Trapper · 08/06/2013 09:55

If option a is selected, then toddler will get option b for the remaining days - best of both worlds.

Goldmandra · 08/06/2013 09:55

Children thrive most in environments where the feel really secure, can explore at their own pace, following their interests and have an adult to talk to them lots about what they are doing.

At nursery there may not be tv but there will be much less one to one adult interaction and the routine and needs of others will take priority for a good portion of the day.

The wide and varied life experiences they get at home, gardening, shopping, going for walks, mending things, cooking, are all really valuable experiences and doing them with a person who loves them and is enjoying helping them find out about the world makes them fantastic learning experiences.

Of course nurseries try to replicate those experiences but it's not as easy to be flexible and follow the really engaged child when you've got three others to look after too.

The home option seems to have the best of both worlds to me. Plenty of time with other children to learn those social skills plus lots of time with a loving adult in a safe, secure and flexible environment.

Perhaps some time in pre-school or nursery for 6 mths to a year before starting school would be a good idea because the ratios in early years settings are kinder when they are having to learn to be part of a group and be more resilient and independent. I'm sure that makes the transition to school easier but, for now, home is probably better.

BackforGood · 08/06/2013 09:55

Totally depends on the individual situation.
What the parent wants to do - work or not
What finances will allow
How good the Nursery is
The personality of the child
The enthusiasm of the parent for staying at home / going out and about

I think 2 - 3 hours a day TV is a lot for a child who isn't even 2, tbh, but then some children struggle to be in Nursery for a long day, particularly as we are talking about an U2.

WidowWadman · 08/06/2013 09:55

Are you talking from experience of nursery or is it just your imagination? Having had my toddler at home during second mat leave, I felt that even with going to groups I couldn't provide my child with the same stimulation and fun she's been having at nursery.

To say "2-3 hours of TV every day is not ideal but better than nursery" sounds bonkers to me.

jgjgjg · 08/06/2013 09:56

Nursery. They learn so much at nursery that you struggle to replicate at home.

3 days at nursery and 4 days at home sounds ideal to me at that age.

binger · 08/06/2013 09:57

Totally depends on what suits the whole family best. There is no right or wrong just different options. Some mums can't handle being sah - I couldn't long term. You also have to factor in the financial aspect, does the family need the mum's income or would it be a bonus but not a necessity.

Both mine went to nursery even whilst I was not working (albeit less hours then obviously). I then started a new job as I was not cut out to be a sahm.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 08/06/2013 09:57

Toddlers do not need lots of stimulating activities and other children to develop in my opinion. They can follow their mother around while she does whatever day to day activities she is doing and so long as she communicates continually with the child during the day the child will flourish. The mother might go bat shit crazy though so that is what needs to be considered. The tv is a bit mad that said if I need a minute to do something without my toddler in timeout comes dora. I do not stay at home by the way

peteypiranha · 08/06/2013 09:58

2-3 hours of tv a day? Definitely nursery

badguider · 08/06/2013 10:00

Id need to know If they go to nursery 3 days a week, what are the other 4 days like?

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 08/06/2013 10:02

Childminder who takes them to toddler groups etc. As childminders have other children they get to socialise but in a home environment where they get lots of adult attention. I never fancied using a nursery esp as I went back to work when dd was 10 months. Now she's 3, the childminder drops her off at preschool 2 days a week.

MrsMook · 08/06/2013 10:02

DS1 goes to nursery one day a week for the social side and chance for me to get more done (and keeps his place open as my work situation is not consistent). In late pregnancy I was struggling to do much with him because of PGP and we increased him temporarily to 3 days a week for the last weeks and first weeks after baby was born (I had a difficult first birth so wanted to be prepared for a repeat.) We felt that nursery was a better environment for him until I was ready for a normal range of activities. He's now back to his normal one day.

2 yr olds need stimulation, variety and some social interaction. Nursery and home can both provide them. There isn't a hard and fast better option. I like his one day a week for the break, but now I'm functioning normally I miss him too much for 3 days (when I'm at home)

Nanny0gg · 08/06/2013 10:03

Can't make a judgement on such little information.

Looks like your looking for weight for a particular argument. And not in an unbiased way either.

More information please.

tethersend · 08/06/2013 10:05

Depends on the parent and the child.

Impossible to say on an anonymous forum.

Original poster

Orangesandpeas · 08/06/2013 10:05

Sorry it is a genuine question.

Decision dependent on what is best for the child.

Financial situation means that he would have to have minimum of 3 long days at nursery (child minder not an option).

Tv is not an option either as mum uses it to relieve stress during the day as no family/friend support.

OP posts:

Tanith · 08/06/2013 10:08

What's your involvement if the child isn't your own?

Original poster

Orangesandpeas · 08/06/2013 10:08

If he went to nursery 3 days a week, weekends would be spent with both mum and dad doing shopping, chores, outings (not much tv).

In the 2 days at home with mum, mum would try to spend more 'quality' time with him and take him to toddler groups and try to cut down on tv time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Orangesandpeas · 08/06/2013 10:09

Sorry, child is my own but I want to make a decision based on his best interests.

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 08/06/2013 10:12

It depends greatly on circumstances that are massively variable between families.

I know my DCs have benefitted from extra time with me and DP (in holidays, he is a uni lecturer so has extended holidays) and then care from family when we are working (GPs have provided CC when needed - they are wonderful and we are truly grateful).

Similarly, I have a close friend who struggles with no support from family and had she not had the option of nursery, she freely admits she would've cracked.

There is no definitive answer for a question like this really.

FiveSugarsPlease · 08/06/2013 10:12

Orange. What do you want? If you want to return to work, don't feel like your poor son's childhood will be ruined by going into childcare. it absolutely won't.

Would your husband consider changing his hours so you both can work without using childcare? Why is it you who has to make such a decision?

TidyDancer · 08/06/2013 10:13

Why is childminder not an option?

FreudiansSlipper · 08/06/2013 10:13

Nursery

ds went to nursery for 3 days a week from 2.7 and loved it best thing for him and I was very bored at home and he was bored of me even though we were out much of the time

RhondaJean · 08/06/2013 10:14

Nursery. He would get to develop his confidence and independence and be part of social groups.

And he would have four full days of one on one with his parents too.

No doubt in my mind at all.

trackies · 08/06/2013 10:18

Better for toddler, at that age i would say home. Can always start mornings of pre-school at approx age 3 to mix socialise and make friends, and get them used to being away from you. Have friend of friend who used to work in very good nursery, and she had a baby and then refused to put her child in nursery when she went back to work, as she said it's just not the same as being looked after by a parent or grand parent. Not getting that one-to-one care and attention.
However, i know lots of kids who do go to nursery. There parents are happy. The children seem happy. Both parents still have a career and pension.
Also depends on your child. DD went in at 8 months and wouldn't settle so my mum looked after her. Then she went in again at 2.5 years, settled for a month then had some health problems and got unsettled and i had to take her out again. But she was totally fine with 4 mornings of pre-school at 3.5 years.

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