What do you think would be better for this toddler? Sah or nursery

[Orangesandpeas]

Do you think it is better for a nearly 2 year old boy to:

a) either go to an average standard nursery (minimum of 3 long days a week)

b) or to stay at home with mum (everyday) who takes him to various toddler group/activities 3-4 times a week and also has him watch tv for up 2-3 hours max a day (No other interactions with other children or adults apart from the toddler groups)

B although I'm not keen on 2/3 hours of TV a day. We only do one big social thing a day balanced with some home time (cooking, playing, small amount of TV sometimes, friends having lunch at ours etc).

A would be OK as a second option if I needed to work.

why has he got speech delay ? DD had glue ear until about 2yo resulting in speech delay. She's 5 now and fine.

Tbh, about tele. You are doing really well at the mo. I really wouldn't worry about it. DS is 3 and tele taught him the alphabet. I use it as a babysitter too.

Do you think you would feel more comfortable being a SAHM rather than having nursery look after him ? or would you like to go back to work ?

i'm sure i posted very similar thread on here 2 years ago before becoming a SAHM

"At toddler group he spends his time on the bikes, climbing up and sliding down the fort and running around chasing after older children.

He also has a speech delay and I worry that a) I don't give him enough at home to help him with language and b) if he did go to nursery the background noise would be detrimental to his speech."

1: that's what they do at toddler groups. you maybe need to do more of them, to get him used to interacting with other children (his own age or not - the group I go to has kids from birth right up to school age)
2: I think DD's speech is good/average. She learns words and phrases from interacting with me and with other people. The background noise in the toddler group might not affect the speech delay at all, because generally when toddlers play, they don't bother with speaking, because it hinders their play. (frustrating because they don't know many words so why bother!)
have you seen a SALT specialist, or have you decided yourself that he's got delayed speech? reason I ask is because there's a big difference in reaction for the two scenarios.
Even not knowing this, the best way to help speech is to keep talking and interacting. that's everything that you do - when you dress him, tell him what you're doing and repeat simple words to him "sock" as you put the socks on etc.

trackies has hearing tested, was perfect. Waiting for speech and language therapy, he has a handful of words that he uses very inconsistently which is worrying. And adds to the guilt about tv as a babysitter but I don't think I could cope without tv I find it very stressful coping with him especially when he gets frustrated and tantrums.

An hour morning and afternoon is not the end of the world and how would you get ready for work and cook if working, I'm guess the tv would go on and you have to include it in both options.

I have some toys upstairs that are not generally out and manage to get a shower by pulling a couple out. If DD is bored by the time I step out she 'helps' me get dressed etc. maybe give it a tru, that would cut down the tv and you might feel better about your days.

I wouldn't write off childminders at this stage. We don't all work alone. I see at least one other childminder on this thread, advising you so I expect they can confirm.

Some childminders work as a team: husband and wife (me), mother and daughter, friends, father and son etc.
A friend of mine works with her daughter and employs two assistants.

If you go for Childcare on Domestic Premises, that's more of a nursery environment run by a childminder team and assistants: like a very small and personal nursery in a home environment (house is a large one!).

Oranges, you're not the only one!
tantrums are a nightmare!
DD is only 18months and she's started hers already, so I'm dreading her terrible twos! :(

being a parent isn't just about entertaining a child constantly.
If you are not at a decent mental level, it will only impact badly on the child.
You have to be able to take time out for yourself, even if it's while you do normal adult things like cooking and cleaning.
sometimes, DD is so full on that when DH comes in from work, I throw her (metaphorically) at DH and shout "I'm going upstairs, she's been driving me mad all day!" even if she hasn't been that bad!

Best for the toddler I would say home

Best for you I would say nursery.

3hrs of TV isn't great but then again, some programmes can be educational as well as fun.

So they not sure why speech is delayed yet ? Can see why you are concerned. He is coming up to 2 so hopefully tantrums will start to improve in few months. I HATE 2! Sometimes speech delay can make tantrums worse cos he can't communicate what he wants ? When you compare him to other 2 year olds, does he seem more hard work ?

I stayed at home after DC2 who is my DS. He has severe reflux and eating problems, so i couldn't justify leaving him in nursery cos he wouldn't have been able to eat. And he has been very difficult due to his illness. Really i couldn't see how someone other than me or DH could deal with him. Even my mum who looked after DD, said he was too much cos of illness. Loads of tantrums etc. So toddler groups were really difficult as he would be rolling around on floor screaming, so much so, that other mums would look and be shocked by it or try to calm him down. So i just took him on walks, play in the garden, did puzzles, alot of tv. I found he was getting easier at 2.5yo so i started at one group. The woman who runs it was non-judgmental and very easy going. He's now 3.5yo and still goes to it with me.

Might be worth knowing, that all of kids around here who have SAHM, still go to pre-school / nursery for small amount of time after age 3.That way they're not at home all the time, as they need to mix and do other things, and get used to small amount of time without parent before school. DD also made lots of friends that ended up going to her school. So if you do decide to SAH find a good preschool and put name down now so you are on the waiting list.

I couldn't cope without tv either. I have found it really, really hard work staying at home......mentally. I haven't always enjoyed it. It can be quite isolating esp when you have no friends in the area, but i think the longer you go to the same toddler group the easier it is. In the early days longed to go back to work and earn some money esp when DS is being really difficult, but i do think that at the end of my days, i will not be thinking about the high earning job that i had, i will be remembering the funny little cute things that DD and DS did when they were little. Well that's what DH says to me when i'm having a bad day with DS

and as a child of a Mum who went back to when i was 5 months old, i really missed my Mum. But she had to go back to work for financial security. I had aunts looks after me, then a nanny, then childminders. I think my kids are happier than i was, purely cos I am here.
This being said, if my two DC's were easy as i was when i was a child, I would have gone back to work too.

exactly, trackies - speech delay will probably mean worse tantrums because you don't understand and he can't explain.

I think three full days a week at nursery is fine. I think the balance between time at home with my and social time is a good happy medium.

I had to put my dd into childcare at 8 months which isn't what I would have wanted but I am the main breadwinner in my family and pay most of the mortgage so had no choice.

But dd is now 2.4 and is thriving there. She gets a lot of social interaction which I would have struggled to give her. At the end of the day I think both are fine for most children but I do think children who learn to socialise with others early on probably have a slight advantage when it comes to starting school.

Do what you want and once you have made your decision don't beat yourself up about it.

best for child? Home.
I've seen numerous threads on Mumsnet with posters arguing that a nursery is just as good for the child.
No.
It's often better for the Mother, myself included, but rarely better for the child.
Home is always better. (Unless home is crap)

What step said so home without a shadow of a doubt.

However sometimes we have to make compromises on the parenting journey so even if it's better it doesn't mean it's the right choice.

Have to say though I'd never,ever use a nursery- childminder or nanny.

trackie yes I think he is much harder than other toddlers. Massive tantrums whenever we have to leave toddler groups etc. I also have to watch him closely all the time as he can be quite risky when playing, so don't get to speak much to te other mums which doesn't help as I haven't made any friendships (fairly new to the area).

The 'easiest' activity to do with him (which I try to do everyday if possible) is to go to a large park where he just can run around for at least an hour. Where I don't need to tell him 'no' as much and he gets to let off some energy. Everything else is difficult. Even after these runs he tantrums when it's time to go home.

are you leaving toddler groups at the end or part way through?

we're usually the last to leave, and sometimes, if there are loads of people still there, there are some tantrums from some of the kids.

why is he risky when playing?

We leave at the end, he just wants to keep playing on the toys that aren't tidied up. Yes I discovered leaving half way through is a bad idea :)

He is mostly risky in regards to climbing on things.

oh yes DD was like that with safety. Like she was on a suicide mission sometimes. Really had to keep my eye on her.

DS was really awful as leaving too. Meltdown time.
Still is the last to leave but we dont have meltdowns now.
Have you tried 5 minute warnings? "we are going soon" a few times so he gets used to the idea. Some kids not good with change. Even getting in and out of the the car is a big deal with DS. Also, i used to bring something to distract DS. Like corn snack. Now it's my iphone !!

Orangesandpeas it really will get better. It won't last forever. I found 2 really difficult with both DC's.

Your DS sounds like he has alot of energy to burn off. I bought this book 'Raising Your Spirited Child'. Has really helped me deal with some of there behaviour, even if it's just understanding why they seem to be more hard work.

Mine are now 3.5 and 5 and much easier than they were at 2.

I can't believe some people are saying that a nursery is better for their 2 yo child than them looking after them themselves.They must have very low confidence in their ability as a parent

Do you find you are struggling to think of things to do with him? If you describe what he enjoys and what sort of activities you think he would benefit from you'll probably be inundated with really good ideas.

Also you could join a toy library if there is one nearby so there are new toys to explore and talk about on a regular basis.

I think you're right about being with you helping his speech. Have you had any advice on strategies to help him? Don't feel guilty about the tv watching. Two hours a day isn't going to do him any harm at all if he spends other ten or so around you and you're talking to him and around him.

xylem8 I don't have a low confidence in my ability as a parent, but I also know that just because I've grown them in my womb it doesn't make me toddler expert.

I also know that we enjoy each other's company more, when it's not 24/7.

Plus seeing how much fun my children have in nursery, I'd feel cruel to deny them that.

Deciding where your children spend their time and with who is part of parenting, and I'm confident about my decision.

Depends on you, your child and your resources. I have found using a top quality nursery best for me. Loads of messy play, out door forest school and lessons in their swimming pool, all stuff i just cant do at home all the time. Then 3 to 4 days a week with me depending on my work. Not sure I could stay sane with him at home all the time, but that's me as a professional older mum in a rural area with a full on energetic toddler. Everyone's different and what might be good for me and my boy may not suit others....

I would say home is best in your circumstances.

If you return to work you'll be tired and stressed from working in those 3 days, and that will make the days you have with your toddler even more tiring and stressful, because you'll already be behind with housework etc. The problem with working is that although you can contract out childcare, there are no "house fairies" who come to your house and do all the stuff you'd normally do, so you come back to it all.

Could you afford to be a SAHM but maybe send your son to nursery for a couple of mornings a week anyway, to give you a bit of breathing space and give him some variety?