What do you think would be better for this toddler? Sah or nursery

[Orangesandpeas]

Do you think it is better for a nearly 2 year old boy to:

a) either go to an average standard nursery (minimum of 3 long days a week)

b) or to stay at home with mum (everyday) who takes him to various toddler group/activities 3-4 times a week and also has him watch tv for up 2-3 hours max a day (No other interactions with other children or adults apart from the toddler groups)

Why would nursery have to be 3 days? And what about preschool instead?

The nursery is a good average nursery and the carers are interacting and engaged with the children. Activities and environments are appropriate and varied.

If the amount of TV he watches concerns you OP, then you should probably look at cutting down a bit. I've found that being out of the house is paramount to having a successful day, as I find it very hard to be at home and engage a child constantly. If I were you I'd try to half the TV watching. Maybe half an hour morning and evening? I find DVD's really useful, as I know exactly how long an episode lasts and can say to the child that they can see 2 episodes and then it goes off. It's too easy (for me!) to leave CBeebies on for longer than I intended.

Also, I would have a look around and see if there are any nurseries you like in you area. There's no harm in looking, if you find one you like you can try him in a short session or two and see how you go. If it doesn't suit then you can take him out.

Dh worries about things like accidents happening while out and about with childminder (distracted by other mindees). He just prefers having a few different carers watching out and also prefers the safety of staying in a nursery.

I'm on mat leave and have kept DS (2y3m) in nursery 3 days (he usually does 2 long and 1 short but I have been taking him a bit later and picking him up a bit earlier).

I have always found we have much more fun together and enjoy each other a lot more when we both have a break from each other.

It helps that I am very, very happy with his nursery though, it's very small and the staff are fantastic. He also gets to do lots of things there that he wouldn't otherwise.

He still gets 4 whole days with me, cooking, gardening, shopping, playing, reading etc. We hardly use TV at all (although I anticipate this changing when DC2 arrives).

I would be working which is why it needs to be a nursery (long days).

3 days of work is the minimum I can do. I could do more but I think that would too much.

We always have an hour of TV in the mornings and an hour in the evenings too. Sometimes more in the day if DS is grumpy after his nap/I have to get something done/it's rainy etc. I don't worry about it though - DS does lots of varied activities and groups during the day, plays outside lots, is very active.

I think the key thing here is YOU. Your DS will be fine with 3 days in nursery and 2 days with a parent who is calm, engaged and happy to be there. That is a better option than 5 days with a parent who is bored, frustrated and stressed.

I would say it really depends on what you want.

For my own child, I want her with me most of the time.
I wouldn't be able to put her in a nursery without me for 3 long days while I worked.

I work and she's here with me at work.
She gets to go with me to a toddler group on a monday morning, and she goes with another mum to 2 other groups (thursday and friday morning). At church on a sunday, she goes off with some ladies there for a play while I'm in the choir
her dad will have her for half a day on his day off, but otherwise she's with me.

I also have a few sessions at the shop for other children to join us.

I think it's vital that toddlers have social interaction with other toddlers, and I also think it's vital for the mum to have social interaction with adults
I go stark stir crazy in the shop on my own, or even with her, but I can't go out with her to other places.

If I were a SAHM (which I will be in October), I would go with her to the thursday and friday sessions, and I would probably make sure we had at least one of those type of things each day. Storytimes at the library, maybe swimming, going to the park, doing activities at home, visiting other mums/parents, going out for walks, maybe doing a bit of shopping together.

The point is that the child will thrive with a nursery environment, but you might not. You might hate him being away from you for that long, while you do something else that you don't have to do.

Tv is almost an hour in the mornings while I'm getting ready for the day. And then an hour in the evenings when I'm too tired to deal with him anymore and need to recharge before bedtime (and also need to get dinner ready etc). Sometimes it is maybe a bit more if we are having a difficult day. I never watch tv with him, only use it as a babysitter. The rest of the time we do the usual playing together, stories, songs etc or he plays by himself.

That sounds fine to me. You're not dumping him in front of it for a 3 hour block in the afternoon while you MN followed by being left to play on his own while you vacuum and make the dinner. You're using it to keep him occupied while you're otherwise engaged and my guess is that you'd still need to get dressed and cook meals at the beginning and end of the day if he was attending nursery.

If he sleeps for the about 12 hours that still leaves 10 hours in the day to be interacting with you and playing. That's masses of really valuable learning and developing time. This includes meal times, tidy up time, bath time, etc.

In that 10 hours he can help you with shopping, learning about how to buy things, where food comes from, helping plan meals, he can post letters and find out where how they get where they are going, help with gardening and learn how things grow,.....

He would still do all those things in nursery but on the days they plan it and within the constraints of a restricted physical environment and in the context of meeting the needs and interests of all the other children, not just him. You can do it on the day he is suddenly interested and ready to learn about it and be spontaneous about where you go and what you show him.

Only you know the quality of the experience he would be getting at home with you but don't overestimate the quality of the interactions they would get in nursery. I've been a nanny, a childminder, a SAHM, and worked in a nurseries and pre-schools and I would choose time at home with a loving and supportive mum who enjoys helping them explore the world for my child every time.

Ok, and do you want to work? Do you need the money? Do you enjoy the job?

If you want to go back to work it sounds like a good solution. When DD1 was little I worked 3 days and found it a good balance.

If you would rather be SAHM but just have some time to yourself, I would put him in nursery or preschool just 1 or 2 mornings a week.

goldmandra that is true, he does spend 9-10 hours not in front of the tv. We don't really do many interesting activities though as he is not interested or not able to do them properly. At home we mostly just read stories or plays with toys (empties toys onto the floor, presses buttons to make music, bounces balls, stacks blocks etc) and I try to take him out everyday for a run for over an hour as he is very energetic and needs to release some energy. We also go for a walk to the shops every couple of days and I take him swimming every couple of weeks (which I don't enjoy at all but he loves!)

Orangesandpeas, what is your child like? Do you think he would enjoy nursery? If he is socially outgoing then he might relish some time in a nursery setting. My DS who is nearly 6 didn't go to a nursery until he was 3 but I think he would've been ready at 2.5 maybe younger as he was very very sociable and wanted to play with other children all of the time. I would take him to groups but they lasted 1.5- 2 hrs and would visit the park and library a lot but it almost wasn't enough. In contrast, my DD who is 2 and 2 months is shy, quite possessive of me in group settings, not bothered by what other children are doing. She loves her brother's company but I can't begin to imagine her in a nursery setting now or even at 2.5!

He loves older children 3+, he loves running around with them. He is not too keen on children around his own age.

He is very interested in people and is a very smiley boy and I think he likes the reactions and interactions he gets from the older children.

At toddler group he spends his time on the bikes, climbing up and sliding down the fort and running around chasing after older children.

He also has a speech delay and I worry that a) I don't give him enough at home to help him with language and b) if he did go to nursery the background noise would be detrimental to his speech.

i would say home.

I think adults put too much emphasis on doing stuff.kids just want to be with those they love.i always wonder why my kids always ask to stay at home rather than go to school and pre school,they get to do so much stuff there that i dont have the energy to do witht hem here,but they would rsther be at home because they want to be with me,and each other,because they love me,and each other!

OP, what would be best for you - working or being at home?

My DS is the opposite Amber - asks every morning if he can go to nursery He's already starting asking about going to school!

My child is doing 2 days a week at nursery and half a day with my MIL because I know that in the other 2.5 days I have him without dh I will be fresh and engaged and enthusiastic and provide better care than I would if I were at home 5 days a week.
Also, our home isn't that exciting (small flat, no garden) so although I'm happy I can fill 2.5days plus weekends with trips, walks, groups... I'd be less confident I could Fi the same full time.
The nursery I have chosen has a lot of dance, music and soft play which are NOT my strengths so it will complement the things I like to do (walks, parks, feeding ducks, swimming).

cloverer dont you find that a bit worrying?why doesnt he like it at home?

Home for sure.

No, I don't find it worrying at all. Of course he likes home, but he also loves playing with other children, climbing frames, huge sandpits, a variety of bikes. He asks to go to the park/zoo/football/softplay lots too - he's just an active child and very sociable.

I'm home with my 21-month-old (I do some part-time work two afternoons and evenings a week, when he's with a sitter). There are few to zero nursery options where we are (NYC). There are preschool programs for older twos (two hours twice a week, usually), but most children start preschool at three, ranging from 3 hours, 3-5 times a week. The other option is a nanny, but the standard of nannying is incredibly low here.

So I stay home. I don't watch TV with him. This week we went to the zoo, a children's theatre, the Natural History Museum, a playspace, plus saw friends twice and pottered about in Central Park. I think he's thriving at home, and I love spending time with him, but I'm sure other people would be bored with the same circumstances.

I am conflicted about what I want. I enjoy my job but it is tiring and I know that on the work days it will be very hectic and exhausting at work and then at home. I would deal with pick ups (although dh could do drop offs) as dh works late. I feel the stress of all that would take away from the positives that I derive from work somewhat.

That is why I was thinking of doing what was best for ds.

Thanks for your thoughts, at this stage I think I will keep him at home and re assess in a few months.

PS I should also add that my apartment building has a fantastic soft playroom for residents, so we do an hour there every afternoon, with umpteen kids in attendance, ranging in ages from 6 months to five years. I'm not sure nursery could offer him anything that I don't give him at home.