Asked my bumps daddy not to drink at home?

[Aimeeleighb]

Ok so bump isn't that big yet but asked my other half to not drink at home as I know I am really gonna miss our nights in with a few drinks and a take away etc.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable but I don't think I am?
I have changed my diet, routine and of course my body is changing too so I don't think its much to ask to keep alcohol out the house?

By the way - Becks is a decent enough non-alcoholic beer. One of those gave enough of the flavour of beer to keep me happy and give me a break from all those sweet soft drinks. Get some in.

sorry of course not beck veir - that's 4% (the clues in the name!) i meant the non alcy becks. i seem to remember the non alcy holsten pils being okay (if they still do it). Don't, whatever you do, try kaliber - it actually tastes of vomit. and the non alcy cobra is nastily very sweet.

K8 I'm not desperate to look cool.

I'm also not being ridiculous by expecting my DH to give up everything just because I'm pregnant. How far does it go? When you're out for a meal? In the pub? Should I ask everyone around me at a BBQ not to drink?

You're pregnant not a martyr and neither should anyone else be. And this notion that by having the odd drink your DH is unsupportive is just plain ludicrous.

Yes, you are a bit.

Your partner (I am assuming that you are a couple since you live together and are having a child and he isn't just the father of the child growing inside you with no other relationship existing between you) can support you very well without there not being alcohol in the house.

He may also want to eat pate, or go and have a pint in the pub, or eat some cheese or something.

All of these things are ok.

He doesn't have to give up everything that you do. It's just pregnancy. I realise it seems like a massive thing but really it's not. I don't mean that dismissively, obviously your pregnancy is the biggest thing in the world to you and so it should be but just that women are pregnant everywhere all the time and life around them goes on as normal.

Enjoy the pregnancy and have fun as a couple. That's more important that him not being able to be seen having something that you can't.

It never occurred to me to ask OH not to drink alcohol at home throughout any of my 5 pregnancies just like it never occurred to him to ask me not to drink alcohol at home when he was on long term strong painkillers for his bad back and wasn't allowed alcohol.

YABVVVU. I haven't read all the posts, but I cannot stand this attitude. Why punish someone you apparently love for no benefit whatsoever? It is so so very selfish and pointless, and does not bode well for his future. If you breastfeed, should he wake up every 3 hours with you to make it fair?!!? Grrrrrr.

Can't believe you are all being so harsh to the OP. I can sympathise with you OP as it must be difficult. Have you tried any of the non-alcoholic drinks on the market? I have had non alco becks beer and that tastes just like the real thing. I don't think you could expect him to give up completely but as long as he is not drinking all the time and getting drunk then I think you need to give him a break.

It has nothing to do with being 'cool and tolerant', which are things that no-one could accuse me of but just not being an absolute control freak.

I don't recall DH sitting and getting pissed when I was pregnant, but if he wanted to have a drink then I wasn't going to stop him - if we went out for a meal then I drove and he had a drink.

It is just fucking weird to insist on your husband not drinking in their own home just because you are pregnant.

Yes, YABU. Saying there shouldn't be 'drink in the house' is daft, unless you've ever had a problem with drinking. In which case this wouldn't really be related to 'bump' would it?

Not unreasonable to think of other things to do than drinking-related: cinema not an evening in the pub, and so on. Not unreasonable to expect some sympathy and a cup of tea made while you're missing a glass of wine. But very unreasonable to say he can't drink at home for nine months.

I disagree that it isn't fun to drink alone. I always drink alone. DH is teetotal. The wine is all mine

To me, it would depend on whether a) you have a problem with drink b) whether your dh gets so sloshed that he cannot provide you with the support you need.

I have been told by my doctor that I have to severely restrict my intake of coffee, not just for 9 months but for the rest of my natural life. I am not going to dictate to dh that he can't sit drinking coffee in the house.

Otoh if I was addicted to smoking and trying to give up, then I probably would ask him not to smoke in front of you.

So it boils down to your relationship with alcohol. How difficult is it for you to see alcohol and not drink it?

Pobble if you had read the next line of my post you would see where I suggest it should end and that I was purely referring to the situation as outlined in the op.

Fwiw if dh had brought pâté into the house in my last pregnancy I would have thought he was a totally insensitive bastard because I craved the stuff so badly. First pregnancy anything meaty made me feel ill so it wouldn't have been a problem.

There are loads of compromises we make as couples. Dh is weird about chiccory (randomly). I quite like it in salads but don't get it because he really, really dislikes it. I eat it when we're out and I can easily live without it the rest of the time and it's just not a big deal.

For the record I am not advocating men should "suffer" because their partner is pregnant. That's just stupid. I am suggesting a bit of sensitivity, sympathy and thoughtfulness is worth the effort. Pregnancy is relatively short so going without the odd beer or glass of wine won't kill him but is a nice gesture if pg woman is bothered.

It's Becks Blue btw. I know this because dh drank mine after I told him there was beer in the fridge and to help himself. Luckily I don't have a problem partaking of the odd drink when pregnant so I had a delicious Sol.

I admit I do live with the nicest, most generous man so I have very high expectations. I hope I treat him well too :)

I don't think it's that unreasonable to expect/suggest that a man to cut down on his drinking when his partner is pregnant. Perhaps not cut it out altogether though. And it would be better if he actually wanted to.

Exactly K8, that is the perspective I'm coming from. Good manners and caring about each other. Not enough of it about these days.

YABU. You are pregnant but he is not. Sure, he shouldn't get absolutely wankered and leave you to clean up the mess but that doesn't sound like the situation here. Leave the poor man alone and let him have a few drinks in his own house. And FGS stop calling him 'bump's daddy'.

I tried non-alcoholic Cobra when I was pregnant. Don't. It has a foul after taste.

I had the odd small glass of wine, one at Christmas and the toast champagne at a wedding.

My friends bought me a bottle of red and some Brie in the hospital after I'd given birth.

The OP is probably beyond excited to be pregnant and thinks calling him the BD is being cute.

OP, you can't expect him to give up alcohol but at the end of the pregnancy it is fair to ask him not too in case of labour but he is more likely to agree to that if he has had free rein to drink for the previous 8 months.

Bloody horrible thread. so what if she uses different twee terminilogy to whats expected on here. i agree with curryeater.

Why have so many people jumped on the OP for saying "bump's daddy"? Once was enough, twenty times takes the biscuit. Ok, it's not the terminology you would use but Dear/Darling is pretty damn twee too!

However, OP I feel you are being a little unreasonable to not allow him to drink at all unless there are alcohol issues going on or if there is more to the story. I doubt you'll read this because you've probably run for the hills but if you haven't, try another MN board for advice.

Yes, yes to Becks blue. I tried a couple of other non alcoholic beers and they were fine, but the Becks tasted like proper (albeit s bit weak and watery) beer.

YABU-not that you shall care-I am sure you have run off to netmums. I had a face when on a night out a friend said her dh wasn't to drink because she couldn't. I thought she was joking! It takes being precious to a whole new level.

Sorry when I read bumps daddy I wonder if he is a sleeping policeman!

Have a spritzer with a tiny dash of wine but mostly soda water or lemonade and as far as I am aware takeaways are still allowed.

Neither of us particularly enjoy drinking alone, so if one of us wasn't drinking for any reason the other probably wouldn't want to sit there all 'little old wine drinker me'.

He had the odd beer here and there at home and was happy enough - and he does usually like a drink. It was his choice, he said he felt sorry enough for me having to give a load of stuff up and waddle around without him talking the piss. I thought fair enough.

FWIW I would be mortified if I was the OP, and hope she isn't scared away in pregnancy from MN, because it's usually very supportive. (OP - steer clear of AIBU)

Totally not being unreasonable! It takes two to make a baby. Im guessing this baby was wanted as much by him as yourself. The people saying YABU are being unreasonable themselves. You are sacrificing what you enjoy and your what you are eating for this baby , so he should be considerable. I am a non drinker and so people drinking never affects me, but if i asked my partner to do this he would be more than happy to. He is the father of the baby and my happiness as the woman carrying his baby is massively important to him, and for this i am so grateful of him.

Oh dear, I think the OP AKA Bump Mummy has left the thread.

OP, I think YABU but it is a matter of degree. I wouldn't be happy if my Bump Daddy tries hard to keep a straight face was getting plastered every evening but it wouldn't bother me if he was drinking normally.