I think DS gave a good reply to a rude woman

[HollyBerryBush]

In short. Full bus. Heavily pregnant woman got on with push chair. DS was sitting in the adjacent buggy/luggage seat.

He got up and said "would you like my seat?" (she was parking her buggy)

She said "oh just fuck right off"

He said "I'm so sorry, I thought you were pregnant now I realise you are just fat and rude and I apologise for thinking your need might be greater than mine"

disclaimer< he can tell the difference between post natal baby belly and a 9 month distended stomach in a crop top.

disclaimer 2< I do realise he is legally a child himself, but his height, build and hairiness pitches him mid 20's.

Good on your son. Some people bring their children up to be pollite and that works both ways. She could have just said "no thanks I'm fine but thanks a lot". Whatever her mood there was no need for that.

It makes me laugh though when people whine about bad mannered youngsters. Funny that.

You don't 'give to receive' and I think this can be said in this instance.

Yes, it was lovely of your son to offer his seat, but it was only on the condition that she gracefully accepted. Because she didn't, he then felt it was within his right to mention her weight (whether pregnant or not) and generally talk to her in a manner which HE thought was acceptable.

That being said, I woud have told her off for being rude and for swearing around children/people.

I can't blame him.

Was the OP's son giving to receive tho?

Surely he was expecting either a thanks or no thanx, nothing else, that's not giving to recieve at all.

It's within reasonable expectation.

What an extraordinary thing to have happened.

I find it incredible.

Not that I believe any of this, but if it happened, or, indeed, a similar scenario occured, I would say OP YABU. I don't think your DS gave a good reply. The woman was exceptionally rude and unpleasant, but your DS's response doesn't paint him in a light that would make me very proud, were I his DM. He could have just smiled pleasantly, and said something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I thought you might have appreciated the seat more than me. Obviously I got that wrong." Then I would have thought it was a good response. As it is, he comes across as rather cocky. not that I think this happened

I'm not sure whether any 17 year old lad would have the speed of thought to come back with that retort.

Is it possible that he offered her his seat, she was struggling to get the pushchair into the space and muttered "oh fuck off" to the pushchair rather than to him? Maybe he thought it would make him look clever adding on his reply?

Agree with avoncalling ,don't understand posters who seem to think you have to be rude to deal with rudeness.

Where is the op?

She was very rude to him for no reason.
He's 17, and many teenagers would have been embarrassed to draw attention to themselves in the first place by offering her a seat, let alone have the seat rejected so rudely. Few 17 year olds are capable of a balanced and mature response to an unexpected attack.
People often get away with treating others badly and being verbally abusive because no one pulls them up on it, so they continue to be vile.
Next time he may well just stare at the pregnant individual in need of a seat and think 'No chance'

No amount of "bad news" warrants such a rude and hostile response, what level of abuse would you put up with Neo? And mental illness is never an excuse, I'm a mental health nurse and the first thing we expect are manners.

OP, I hope my DS grows up to be as polite and sarcastic as yours!

I'm not sure whether any 17 year old lad would have the speed of thought to come back with that retort

I know more than one that could have come up with that speed of thought at 12 never mind 17! I thought 17 year olds are supposed to be cocky and arrogant.
I would have been more if the OPs boy had come out with a totally adult response. Most teenagers would have just said fuck off then back to her and sat back down again.

When did it become ok to ignore rudeness? If everyone challenged behaviour like hers a little more often perhaps people wouldn't feel it was ok to be so rude in first place.

This.

Kudos to your son, Holly.

Eggs please, for the sake of your son, set your sights higher

Fine to challenge behaviour, not fine to do it by throwing an insult of his own. Obviously she was ruder, but he lost the moral high-ground when he started waffling on about her being fat. He could have been assertive without being (verbally) aggressive back.

Yep, he could have said fuck off then you cunt.

Would that have been more appropriate?

A simple really there is no need to be so rude

Or something along those lines would have been the best response

"When did it become ok to ignore rudeness? If everyone challenged behaviour like hers a little more often perhaps people wouldn't feel it was ok to be so rude in first place."

Yes, we should all get into slanging matches and exchange insults with women pushing prams, we would create a great society, this way.

"there are some people on here that truly believe that women can do no wrong"

No, i just think we should all consider our behaviour, if ther are children about, whether the parent cares about their own conduct, themselves.

I live in horrible area, were children are bought up to swear and get away with anything they can, which usually means picking on pregnant women and old/disabled people etc (there is gun/drug crime).

I just think that if children are shown better behaviour, when possible,it makes a better society.

They were both rude.

I just think that if children are shown better behaviour, when possible,it makes a better society.

You know, when I rule the world, every single person will get assertiveness training. In the everyday run of things, no-one should suck up rudeness but neither should they be rude back. It's not all that hard to reply strongly to insults without cheapening yourself, even for teenagers.

It's a nice idea to turn the other cheek or retain the moral high ground but whilst these are admirable aspirations they really only serve to let rude people get away with doing whatever the hell they like.

If that's what he actually said, fair play.

My DS is the same age and he makes up imaginary conversations, could this be the case here?

Why did he feel the need to run and hide behind passengers after his comeback? Have I missed something? Because to me that implies there is more of a story.

FWIW, no I do not feel the woman was a victim. However your son behaved like a brat, then ran and hid. That sort of implies he knew what he said was not acceptable.

She was rude, he hit below the belt. Stooping to her level (argumentatively nastier) doesn't win any points with me I'm afraid.