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AIBU?

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Original poster

I think DS gave a good reply to a rude woman

203 replies

HollyBerryBush · 05/06/2013 23:01

In short. Full bus. Heavily pregnant woman got on with push chair. DS was sitting in the adjacent buggy/luggage seat.

He got up and said "would you like my seat?" (she was parking her buggy)

She said "oh just fuck right off"

He said "I'm so sorry, I thought you were pregnant now I realise you are just fat and rude and I apologise for thinking your need might be greater than mine"

disclaimer< he can tell the difference between post natal baby belly and a 9 month distended stomach in a crop top.

disclaimer 2< I do realise he is legally a child himself, but his height, build and hairiness pitches him mid 20's.

OP posts:
SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 06/06/2013 02:01

I'm amazed people think it was great of this lad to be a total smart ass. Yes, she was unreasonable (very unreasonable) but I would be very ashamed not proud that I'd taught my DC sarcasm well Hmm if my DC thought it was okay to sink to the other person's level and dish out personal insults in front of children. If I witnessed this I'd just think your son was a right little shit TBH.

I'm clearly in the majority, but the reply really doesn't strike me as particularly clever or commendable. The woman may well have been unhinged/uncouth/ mentally disturbed, but the 17 year old sounds like something of a smart-arse.

^^ YY to that.

Also by hiding behind other passengers he could have risked putting people in harms way because he felt the need to stoop to someone else's level.

I'd be teaching him to keep his yap shut and have more self respect.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 06/06/2013 02:01

But yes, this doesn't sock real to me either.

nooka · 06/06/2013 02:27

If he had just said 'I'm sorry but I thought your need might be greater than mine' then I would be all for praising him. But although he didn't swear at the woman he was very rude himself, plus I'd not particularly commend anyone for giving up their seat to someone else who might need it, as that is surely just what you do.

So no, not a good reply really. Plus if he was so really really sure that she was heavily pregnant then why did he call her fat? The fact that he then ran away doesn't really give a great image either. I pity the people that had to stand around either of them.

Strokethefurrywall · 06/06/2013 02:51

Hold on a second though Venus, the rude woman didn't think what kind of a day the OP's son had had, or whether he'd just been bereaved (having been recently bereaved I think is a fucking bullshit excuse for rudeness and in my experience rarely happens!) did she? So why should he or anyone else give the rudeness such consideration?

I've got to be honest, if the same thing happened to me, and a person told me to fuck right off after I'd offered my seat, my immediate response would be a very loud "get fucked yourself" - I really don't care if a stranger is behaving that way because they've had a really bad day, there is absolutely NO excuse for that kind of behaviour. (usual MH disclaimer applied)

I don't care if they're heavily pregnant, their husband has just left them etc etc because at the end of the day I'm never going to know the reasons behind the rudeness am I? I could sit there biting my nails and thinking "perhaps they've had a really bad day, or they've lost their job, or they've been bereaved, or, or, or...." but then I would probably reach the conclusion that they're probably just a cunt.

garlicgrump · 06/06/2013 03:01

He should have left "fat" out of it.

The rest was perfect :)

garlicgrump · 06/06/2013 03:03

(reason, should one be needed: insults to physical appearance make you look weak. Also, in this case, she was obviously pregnant so it looked both weak and stupid.)

foolmouse · 06/06/2013 07:54

Actually, I am with neo on this.

I think she was incredibly rude but I also think your DS was to call her fat. He could easily just have said 'I'm sorry, I was just trying to help..' and tbh I think she'd have probably seen the error of her ways and apologised. But he insulted her back which probably upset her a whole lot more.

I can see how a really, truly awful day where it feels like everyone has been nagging and bitching at you all day long can result in you just completely losing it when someone else asks you something because you automatically get defensive and think they're on at you as well. I can picture how it happens and I do reckon had your son just simply apologised and said he was trying to help she'd probably have apologised back and explained she'd had the day from hell.

MrsBungle · 06/06/2013 08:03

I think he sounds a nice lad. He did the right thing in offering her a seat. She was very rude but I really don't think he should have insulted her. I'd have been angry if someone swore at me for offering my seat and I'd probably tell them I thought they were really rude. I don't think you look very intelligent if you resort to a personal insult to make your point.

MrsBungle · 06/06/2013 08:05

But in fairness he's only 17.... The adults in his life shouldn't be encouraging rudeness imo.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 06/06/2013 08:20

I am so glad others are agreeing with me. It's a hard fact to learn but the truth is that giving badness back to people just exacerbates the problem as a whole. And that's from me...who used to be the bolshiest and at times aggressive person ever. When I was a teen I would probably have insulted her back. But now I'm older, I know that the best thing and the most honorable thing to do is to ignore things like this.

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 06/06/2013 08:35

Seriously?

Why is it here everyone seems to want to excuse people? It sounds like she was just a rude twat to me and I think good on your son.

All this 'oh she could have been this or this could have happened' bollocks is used all the time. No sometimes people are just dickheads.

sweettooth99 · 06/06/2013 08:39

This reply has been deleted

We've removed this as the OP has privacy concerns.

vintagecakeisstillnice · 06/06/2013 08:48

Can people stop offering Mental Health Issues as a reason for bad behaviour/manners.

It just perpetuates the myth that all people with Mental Illness are all nutters running around abusing random people and are dangerous, when in reality the average person with mental illness is at most risk of injuring themselves rather than anyone else.

In the depth of illness most people are using all their energy to just get through the day and don?t have the strength to be rude to anyone.

The mostly likely scenario is that she was bloody rude

olgaga · 06/06/2013 08:50

How does politely offering someone your seat translate to "smug, disrespectful smartarse"?

Bewitched, it's not about the offer of a seat. It was his reaction to her rudeness.

He was just as unpleasant as she was.

As for "no Mum, her belly button was sticking out and she was about to drop" well that just makes me cringe.

You're proud of this kind of behaviour, and encourage it?

If his story about this encounter is true (and tbh I doubt it - it's more likely that this is what he would like to have said) he sounds like an arrogant, pompous, gobby arse.

He'll shoot his mouth off to the wrong person one day.

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 06/06/2013 08:53

Olgaga And so will the the gobby and rude woman. She will tell the wrong person to fuck off one day.

So its ok for her to be rude but no one can say anything back to her? Hmm

ll31 · 06/06/2013 08:56

Yabu. She was extremely rude. So was he. Nothing to be proud of.

MrsMelons · 06/06/2013 08:57

I am surprised so many people are defending the rude lady.

She may have had a bad day or may not have actually been pregnant etc etc but I do not actually know anyone in RL who would speak to anyone like that. The fact she had a child with her and buggy etc meant that people may have offered their seat regardless of her being pregnant.

Maybe he shouldn't have called her fat but I get why he said what he said. Would all those who have criticised him really not have said anything rude back?

ll31 · 06/06/2013 08:57

When someone's rude to you, do you really think app response is to be rude too?

ballinacup · 06/06/2013 09:01

I agree with Neo, it sounds like he's as rude as she is. I wouldn't be proud if my DS grew up calling random strangers 'fat', in fact I'd give him a dressing down for it, 17 or otherwise. I would like to think I'd raised a son that could react with dignity when someone is unpleasant to him, rather than hurling insults and then running away.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/06/2013 09:05

Sorry..I think she was super rude..obviously. .but what he said and mentioning fat is quite obnoxious and arrogant..I wouldn't be boasting about it..

Moominsarehippos · 06/06/2013 09:06

She wasn't random. She'd just told him to fuck off!

I can't stand people who think they can say what they like and no-one will call them on it. He didn't swear at her.

I've seen screetching matches with both parties being as foul as each other and sometimes being dragged apart. Just because someone who can't keep a civil tongue in their head has met another.

Sallyingforth · 06/06/2013 09:09

Reminds me of the time I was on a plane and had to endure the foul loudmouth sitting directly in front, constantly yelling at her companion.
When drinks were being served the boy across the isle said to the stewardess, "Could you ask that nasty fat lady to be quiet please?" He was about 5 or 6. I don't know who was most embarrassed - the stewardess, his mother next to him., or the loudmouth.

ballinacup · 06/06/2013 09:11

I've seen screetching matches with both parties being as foul as each other and sometimes being dragged apart. Just because someone who can't keep a civil tongue in their head has met another.

Didn't the OP's son run the risk of this happening by being rude back? It's perfectly possible to call someone on their rudeness without being rude yourself.

"Would you like my seat?"

"Oh, fuck right off."

"I'm sorry, I thought you might like to sit by your pushchair, there was no need to be so rude."

Besides, I thought it was common knowledge that you never ever assume someone is pregnant, unless you can see an actual baby emerging from them at that particular second.

ParadiseChick · 06/06/2013 09:12

I'm glad someone else mentioned smart arse before I got to the end of the thread, iv didn't want to be the first.

You need to take the moral high ground with unreasonable rude fucks, not join them.

Would have been such a cocky gob shite with a burly man?

Moominsarehippos · 06/06/2013 09:18

He is young though. I'd be horribly embarassed if someone yelled at me to fuck off like that. I would have probably said (not yelled because I'm nt a shouty sort) "why don't you stop being so damn rude?". But then I have a glaswegian acent and people do assume I'm going to stab them or something (oh yes I really am the razor queen).

She did need to be told. I see enough people like her to know that she won't go home and think 'oh dear, that was awful of me'. And she's teaching her kid absolute charm!

Child 1 - do you want to play picnic with me?
Child 2 - fuck off!