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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if this sounds like negligence?

169 replies

GadaboutTheGreat · 05/06/2013 13:57

DD (14 months) took a bit of a tumble at the childminders today, apparently she fell down the step onto the decking in the garden. Childminder couldn't reach her in time due to helping another mindee.
I got an accident form from the childminder & full explanation & apology, but DH is v unhappy and thinks it's either negligence or at the very least not child-friendly. I think that accidents happen, although of course was concerned when I saw her.
DD is fine now, just has a few scratches.

Would you take this further, ask for more safety measures etc?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 05/06/2013 21:59

Accidents happen, it's not negligence fgs. You can't wrap them up in a bubble. It will be te same when they start preschool and school

pigletmania · 05/06/2013 22:01

right you have te day off on Sat or Sun and leave dc in his care, let's see how he does

Thurlow · 05/06/2013 22:01

That's so sweet, snooter.

I do think kids need to learn about risks and consequences etc. When DD was learning to crawl up and down the stairs we would be right behind her, but once or twice let her slide down a step, not so she hurt herself at all but enough that she got a little jolt. It seems to have made her more careful on the stairs, which is great. A little fall helps teach them to be careful and hopefully not have a big fall.

Hissy · 05/06/2013 22:04

Sounds to me like your H might prefer you NOT to work/have independent income.

Portofino · 05/06/2013 22:07

A step is a step though. We have a "no running in the house" rule. Does that mean hat dd never tripped on the door frame between the living room and the garden? Of course she did. Am I a negligent parent? I like to think not.

Original poster
GadaboutTheGreat · 05/06/2013 22:13

I agree with everything being said on this thread (bar the snide personal remarks). I hate helicopter parents. I hate how DH says 'careful!' 500000 times a day to DD. I agree children need to fall in order to learn not to.

My DH does not appear to share my views Sad

OP posts:
doingmyhead · 05/06/2013 22:17

Get a grip! Show me a child that has never fallen! Tell OH give up work and buy huge amounts of cotton wool! Then he may be happy! x

foreverondiet · 05/06/2013 22:18

Well she is only 14 months and so should not be going up or down any steps without having hand held. Different at say 2.5 years. But not negligence either.

newmummy16 · 05/06/2013 22:34

My ds push his finger into a hole in the top of the safety gate in nursery when he was 1 1/2.Nursery worker closed it without realising, he was still sreaming when i picked him up 40 mins later,his nail popped out of the nail bed we had to go to hospital ' nightmare ' but kids will push their fingers into any hole possible anyway now a fully functioning 4 yr old.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/06/2013 22:53

One thing that does worry me is that he is going to transfer his anxiety on to your DD. She needs to range around bumping into stuff and falling over to develop her physical skills and spatial awareness and he is trying to stifle that. His constantly saying "careful" to her makes her adventuring seem more dangerous than it is and as she gets older I would be concerned that this might inhibit her from the usual childhood adventures and make her unduly cautious and nervous.

p.s. both of mine fell down the stairs as toddlers;DS1 split his lip open twice face planting whilst learning to walk and DS2 has a scar on his face from scooting into a bush.

Original poster
GadaboutTheGreat · 05/06/2013 23:00

Chaz that's what I'm concerned about too, your first para.

OP posts:
Disappearing · 05/06/2013 23:20

Could you show your DH this thread? Some people make some good points about normal development, which it might be useful for your DP to see.

WellThatsLife · 06/06/2013 01:03

I was looking at dd2's legs this morning trying to work out whether it was dirt or bruises, accidents happen and once she is mobile and playing friends/or at school, well your dh won't know what's hit him.

Montybojangles · 06/06/2013 06:57

Please tell him if he carries on in that vein, he will take all of her adventurous spirit out of her and she will and up an anxious, timid, joyless child, constantly scared of what terrible consequence may occur after every little thing that she does. (have watched a relative do this with their DC who has become just that after being constantly hovered over as a toddler and told "careful"just about everytime they moved :( )

CouthyMow · 06/06/2013 07:29

Isn't it part of the EYFS curriculum that the DC's have to have free access to outside spaces? Don't CM's now have to follow the EYFS curriculum...?

Surely this is just one of life's little accidents?

OP, your DH is going to have a heart attack or an aneurism when your DD gets to Reception age...

TantrumsAndBalloons · 06/06/2013 07:51

.....or if she takes up a sport when she is older.

3 football playing children equals far too much time in X-ray/fracture clinic/doctors/walk in centre Grin

BabyMakesTheBoobiesGoLeaky · 06/06/2013 07:57

If your dh continues like this he is going to become that parent. The one who makes fuss and commotion over minor things, the one other parents and teachers roll their eyes at. He may make your dd a bit socially outcast too. No one will want to invite her for a play date in case she bumps herself and they get called negligent. I've seen it happen. A CM friend of mine had a little boy with her with a dad who loved to make a fuss. She was always at fault according to him,when his ds wet himself and threw a tantrum when she tried to change his clothes,meaning he was in them for about 15 mins by the time he calmed down,he threatened ss so she gave them notice.
A couple of years later his ds was in the same class as dd. It wasn't long before he had a petition set up to get the teacher fired (yes I realise I may completely out myself right now) because she told his son to wait his turn at the pencil sharpener. It was apparently unacceptable and compromised his learning because he needed his pencil sharpening. When approached to sign the petition I politely said no as did a lot of parents.
Anyway the point is,his ds does not receive birthday invitations or play date invites because of him,no parent wants to deal with him. Its not fair on his ds but its the dads fault.

Gigondas · 06/06/2013 08:06

Gadabout I don't think this Is a big issue as numerous other posters have agreed.

Af makes some good points . I would add that you mentioned dh not completely happy with cm as care option and wants mil so could this un/consciously be way to achieve this by undermining cm.

MulberryJane · 06/06/2013 08:15

Your DH sounds like a liability and if I was your childminder I would be running for the hills. If you choose to leave your child in the care of someone else then you have to trust them, not jump on them for every little thing. The childminder was clearly honest about the situation, if your DH is going to act like that then its going to get worse. I'd organise another form of childcare until your DH gets a grip. If he wants his MIL then this childminder is never going to be good enough and I dread to think what 'allegations' will be made in order to get you to change your mind. You are being unfair on the childminder.

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