To ask if this sounds like negligence?

[GadaboutTheGreat]

DD (14 months) took a bit of a tumble at the childminders today, apparently she fell down the step onto the decking in the garden. Childminder couldn't reach her in time due to helping another mindee.
I got an accident form from the childminder & full explanation & apology, but DH is v unhappy and thinks it's either negligence or at the very least not child-friendly. I think that accidents happen, although of course was concerned when I saw her.
DD is fine now, just has a few scratches.

Would you take this further, ask for more safety measures etc?

I work pt from home. That's the reason for the CM. DH was a bit unsure about the CM it's true but knows (I think) it's the best alternative.

Does your H think you should be able to work and look after an active toddler at the same time ?

because that would reinforce my thought that he has no idea about childcare and that he sees it as a bit of a doddle

that is his plan, isn't it ?

he has no intention of curtailing his own career to pick up the slack he sees in a negligent childminder...just yours

let's get the terminology correct here

you are not a full time SAHM, you work PT

No DH knows working at home with a toddler falling everywhere is not in either of our interests. He accepts DD needs to be elsewhere when I work although probably prefers MiL to do it all

Well I've only just started working little bits but ok, if it makes a difference

it does

Your dh is overreacting, children fall over all the time! Maybe he would be happier if she tied her to a chair?

I admit I have not read all these replies, so forgive me if this is repeating what may have been said elsewhere.

I was quite horrified at your DH viewpoint actually. I am not a child minder, but I am a foster carer and have three LO's with me at the moment. I'm afraid that they trip up and have minor accidents very frequently. I can't be in three places at once, however much I try to be. The children often need individual attention when my eye has to come off the others for a moment. Is it just me? Perhaps I am being negligent too? Your husband's attitude has actually made me worry that I am, but am thankful for your common sense

Perhaps I can ask, if your DD trips when your husband looks after her, should you accuse him of negligence. Sorry, sarcastic I know, but sorry I think he is being unreasonable.

...and Germolene

I´m in the accident category!

We live in a country with hard cement floors no carpet DD has the balance of a mountain goat has done since she started walking.

Last year at summer school she feel over badly, huge cut to her knee which had to be dressed and the dressing changed ever day, red hands, ginormas bruises. The school didn´t even call us, over here that is a nothing! She has picked up hugged, comforted, her injuries cleaned and dressed. She was look after, it was an accident she fell going down concret steps.

In my hawk like care she has cut her head right by her eye, she has had bumps, brusies, she has fallen over and cut her hands. She is looked after and well cared for but she is just one of those kids (she gets it from me)

I have more broken bones than anyone could be bothered to count. I just was accident prone.

To be honest I would be more worried about a child that had never fallen over, in the care of anyone. A child that has had a few scaps and brusies has been aloud to enjoy their childhood. IF that child is well lookef after and the person in whos company it occured was shocked, felt bad etc. Then I think you can´t ask for anymore than that.

I´m sure you DH is just a bit of a worry wart, but it is still frustrating for you to be dealing with. He needs to try and let dd enjoy the exploration that childhood should be.

Reassure him that falls, bumps, cuts, scarps are part of childhood and that they can happen at anypoint with anyone.

At the weekend, how closely does he watch her? Does he do that one eye always looking out for her thing? Or does watch her when he's actively interacting and rely on you the rest of the time?

Sounds like it would be good for all of you to plan some saturday solo trips for you.

My dd (14 months) got a black eye at nursery the other day after throwing herself down a small slide. I can't say it ever crossed my mind to consider this neglect or to say that dd shouldn't go on the slide. I know what she is like and throwing herself off things is her favourite pass time, sooner or later she was going to get a bruise. It happens, she is a toddler and falling off stuff is is what they do.

I think your dp needs to spend more time with her on his own to get to know her a bit more to be honest. I don't think he really knows what toddlers are like.

YANBU, and as everyone else has said, it doesn't.

What do you think would help your DH to understand that small accidents now mean lower risk of much more serious accidents when she's older?

There have been studies done indicate being able to make small mistakes (including things like falling over) improve not just the ability to assess more serious, but similar, risks when older, but can also assist in general brain development. I can't find the actual links to the studies I'd read (it was a few years ago), but hopefully this one might be of some use to him?

I got all call from nursery yesterday to say DS (3.5) had fallen and hit his face - he was running across the playground and tripped over his own feet. Perhaps I need to ask the nursery to keep him out of the playground so he doesn't hurt himself?

Young children fall over, DS is black and blue and covered in grazes most of the time!

Moonlight that's really interesting and close to what I was thinking. We let our dd go up and down steps (not necessarily stairs) unsupervised and she is 16months. She has learnt to climb down backwards rather than step off. She has just started trying to go down on her bottom so I am watching more closely at the moment until she masters it. She is a climber and I would rather her learn her limitations than forbid her from climbing things and have her do it dangerously when I am out of the room/turn my back.

As your DD is just 14 months old, it's likely she's at the early end of the toddling/falling/bumping stage, and she will most likely be doing a fair bit more of it before she's steady on her feet. It's not practical to stay within an arms reach of a child, all the time, e.g. what about those millions of people who have 2 or more children? or any other thing at all in life, which prevents them hovering.

I have friends who are very protective of their toddler pfb, at the park lately they had a shouting argument about who's fault it was their DS bumped his head. I was my equally young DS was 6' up a scramble net at that point.

I saw the other extreme in parenting recently, a family at the same park, the mum and dad played tennis while the 2 kids were abandoned played at the swings nearby. Youngest, who is 2.5 yrs old and a daredevil, kept getting into scrapes, and all the other parents at the park kept having to catch him, field him etc. My DH rescued him at one point when he was left dangling from a 7' high platform by his elbows, my (normally very hands off) DH had a word with the boy's parents, and was duly rebuffed "He was doing fine"

you know what OP, got to page 2 and can't read it anymore
Ask your husband to chose another childcarer for your daughter.
I bet the CM will be glad to see the back of him.
No CM needs hard work clients like your husband.

Tarka - it certainly seems to work with small child here - there tend to be large gaps between the same type of accident occurring (think that's because SC learns, then forgets a bit and has to re-learn).

What we did with our climber (once the climbing backwards became 'how fast can I slide down' backwards...) was to teach them a term for sitting on their bottom to come down so as to hopefully have an effect when you have to yell it from a distance. On steps/stairs the term was 'bumpity-bumpity'.

On everything else it's 'hold on' (arising from the fact that the mind hears, and reacts to, the action word in the sentence so 'don't fall' can result in a fall, don't trip/slip in one of those etc.,). 'Hold on' covers particularly those occasions where a slow motion dive to catch the toddler is required from just that little bit further away than you'd like to be...

I'm another one that is glad I'm not your cm.

Just the op makes me feel uneasy,

''Apparently' she fell down a step'

'Would you take this further?'

Either you trust her or you don't. My cm friend gave notice to a family recently because they would shout at her and write really aggressive emails if the child even got slightly hurt. Not on at all.

Would it be a massive leap to assume that your PIL are equally 'overprotective' about such things? If other children in the family are wrapped in cotton wool then presumably this behaviour has come from somewhere.

Is your dh's big plan to have MIL in charge because he thinks that she really would follow your dd everywhere?

If someone doesn't break this cycle of overprotectiveness, it's just a matter of time until your dd starts to act in this way too.

This was an accident. Accidents happen.

My childminder when son was little had an accident book in which she wrote the day's mishaps. It would say stuff like "W fell over & hurt knee. Kissed it better."

I completely agree with Narky.

Poor you OP being caught in the middle.

I am equally of the opinion that small children will fall over. Often whilst in very good care. I suggest that you have some "me time" at weekends your husband can experience the full glory of single handed childcare.

My friends two year old splatted herself quite spectacularly all over the patio right in front of me climbing down the single step this weekend. She had refused (in that forthright 2 year old manner) all offers of assistance. We barely got the tears dried before she dived off the trampoline (mini toddler one) head first on the grass. She then walked into the pole for the washing line.

Both her parents were present and unfazed. This is apparently normal!

Another friends 6 yo practically has his own seat in the local Paeds A&E department and every single park outing with him ends in some high climbing frame drama. I live in hope that one day he will learn to get down as well as get up! The best was when he got stuck very high up in my care when I had several foot fractures (sustained whilst walking to the loo in the dark - so even adults do it) and couldn't climb up to get him down. He did very well with " no down a bit, left a bit , right a bit instructions!".

Character building all round.