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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Texts to DP from young barmaid!

161 replies

Cornishpasty2 · 04/06/2013 23:04

AIBU to be angry that my DP of 3 years regularly gets texts from a young barmaid at his local? He says Im crazy if I complain about it. I've given him ultimatums and we've even split up over it, but he wont tell her to stop texting him. Seem to enjoy the attention.
Advice and opinions needed Mumsnetters......

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 04/06/2013 23:05

how come she has his number? and what sort of texts?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/06/2013 23:08

I'm afraid that I'd leave him or tell her myself to stop it. With no room for arguments.

Original poster
Cornishpasty2 · 04/06/2013 23:09

He says she tricked him into giving his number by saying she lost her phone and asking him to call it. It rang by the pub till, then the texts started. I dont check his phone but he used to tell me when she texted him, then started to hide it when he realised I got wound up about it. Sometimes its asking why he's not in the pub and when is he getting there, sometimes telling him whos there. All sorts of things really. Weird!

OP posts:
PrettyKitty1986 · 04/06/2013 23:12

I'm not sure i see the problem...maybe I'm being dense...

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2013 23:12

Oh, weird it's not.

Why did you go back to him?

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2013 23:13

They don't sound particularly damning?

oulret · 04/06/2013 23:14

If that is all she is saying in the texts then I don't know what the problem is.

RhondaJean · 04/06/2013 23:15

What would be her purpose in texting him though?

They don't sound awful texts but I just don't get WHY?

mummymeister · 04/06/2013 23:16

tell him to block her number. simple. no more texts. unless that is he wants to get them in which case you need to have it out with him. blocking numbers is really easy - tell him to do it now.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/06/2013 23:17

Does he reply?

squeakytoy · 04/06/2013 23:17

how old is he? how old is she?

PrettyKitty1986 · 04/06/2013 23:18

Maybe she has a crush on him?

He can't really be blamed for that...tbh if df started demanding that I cut ties with a man who was texting me frequent but innocent texts I'd think he'd lost it...

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2013 23:18

I expect they've become friends RJ?

RhondaJean · 04/06/2013 23:18

It's not so easy if you have an iPhone mummy, just pointing that out as a flaw in apple technology!

PrettyKitty1986 · 04/06/2013 23:19

unless that is he wants to get them in which case you need to have it out with him

Why? Why would you need to have it out with him?

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2013 23:20

I'm not getting it either Pretty on the tiny bit of info that the OP has given.

So far, he's done nothing wrong and nor has the barmaid.

I'm sure the OP will have more to tell us.

RhondaJean · 04/06/2013 23:22

I'm smelling something vaguely inappropriate about the repeatedly asking him if he was coming out though? Need more info.

mummymeister · 04/06/2013 23:23

because prettykitty the OP finds them so upsetting that she has even split up with her OH over them that's why she needs to have it out with him - derrr. Rhonda it might not be easy to do but it can be done. phones have to be able to block numbers. the only other option is he changes his number which would be expensive/a pita.

BriansBrain · 04/06/2013 23:23

She is young and maybe trying to be friendly in a weird kind of way he knows it bothers you but doesn't do anything to make you feel better apart from, in his eyes stop telling you but still receiving texts.

He should want to make you feel secure.

Dumdeedumdeedum · 04/06/2013 23:23

Maybe she is bored, maybe he is the only regular that doesn't hit on her all the time, maybe she fancies him, maybe she just spends too much time at work and never sees anyone else. Being a bar maid in an old man pub is a very strange job to do. I think YABU, have you to a reason not to trust your DP?

Original poster
Cornishpasty2 · 04/06/2013 23:24

She's 21 and he's 54. He replies every time. Ive asked him to block her but he says he doesn't want to offend her. Says its normal and Im just a jealous cow?? Maybe I am? Im not a great pub goer. Is it normal? Ive no idea? Nanny Og, I went back to him because he convinced me I was BU.

OP posts:
Hamwidge · 04/06/2013 23:26

I'm a 21 yo barmaid and that's not normal. Especially given his age. Sorry.

mummymeister · 04/06/2013 23:26

course he replies every time Cornish because he is flattered. he doesn't want to offend her but he is happy to piss you off royally. really? ask him to block her number because it is making you feel so bad. not a big thing to ask of your partner really is it.

pictish · 04/06/2013 23:27

There's nothing there particularly ringing my alarm bells I have to say. Young people who work in pubs often conduct their social lives out of said pub. She may well just see him as one of the crowd, to be included in social stuff...even texts.

Maybe she's a husband stealing harpy of course...but it's just as likely she's not.
Which is she?

RhondaJean · 04/06/2013 23:27

Mummy you actually have to jailbreak the iPhone to block numbers, so it can be done but it's not good for the phone (just saying, I was trying desperately to help a friend out after an o line dating experience turned nasty last week so it's fresh in my mind)

Cornish, the texts themselves seem innocent enough, but my DH works in a pub at the moment and if there were similar texts going on between him and a femal regular, I would be Hmm

If they are as regular as you are making out.

Perhaps at 21 she just doesn't understand boundaries?

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