I think I was but I just saw red.

[CbeebiesIsMyLife]

Please be gentle!
I'm sat on the sofa cuddling my sleeping teething 16 month old who has been up most of the night, up stairs is my sleeping 2 and a half year old.

A van pulled up outside and tried to deliver a parcel next door. She wasn't in so the delivery driver came and rand my door bell. The front door is frosted glass and my the living room door is open so he could see me sat on the sofa.

I ignored him, as I didn't want to wake my sleeping baby. He knocks loudly on the door and peers in the glass shouting, I continue to ignore and he knocks harder (I swear he was going to break the glass it was that hard and loud)

DD2 jumps awake and starts crying and then I hear DD1 moving around upstairs. Meanwhile delivery man is peering and knocking again.

I'm shattered and was half dozing myself, I'll admit I saw red. I flung the door open (he almost fell in through the door) and shouted, 'if someone doesn't answer the door there is usually a reason, I'm not interested today' and slammed the door leaving a rather stunned delivery man.

I then tried to shush my baby back to sleep and could see him in the street trying other doors shouting in my direction (no idea what he was saying!) Now I have 2 tired grumpy toddlers awake after only sleeping for less than an hour. I know that's not his problem and he didnt know. BUT.

Am I Being Unreasonable to not answer my door? Did I really commit some great crime?

(I know I was probably unreasonable to shout at him!)

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 12:37:29

Mudding. I like your tough. Basically you are saying screw the rest of the world.

Of course you are. It just seems that most people here have the attitude that a delivery driver is just there to annoy than, and the delivery driver is some form of underling. Or that they are just rude.

Consideration works both ways

Seems like only Ilovemyself are I are the only rational ones here.

Op - tell your neighbours, they are the ones creating the situation, not the slightly over eager delivery driver.

If I had been him, I'd have answered you right back, at full volume, in your face, until you were in tears for being so rude and aggressive.

consideration works both ways

It certainly does, so if you ring, knock and shout for 5 minutes you deserve to be treated with the same level of distain. After all, you've just shown what consideration you're willing to give...

I would probably shout at someone that was blatantly ignoring me. And it is strange the originally the op said the door was frosted ( which means it can't be sen through) and later says her husband can see clearly. Which is it.

I do wonder if there is a little bit of exaggeration by the op as they feel bad about how they treated the delivery driver.

It is easy to understand why a reaction would be like that if you were sleep deprived, and my answer then would be unreasonable but understandable in that case. But the rubbish that has been spouted about not answering the door or intercom shows how self centred we have become

Cronallansw. Thanks. I can be melodramatic at times but some people take the biscuit.

It just seems that most people here have the attitude that a delivery driver is just there to annoy than, and the delivery driver is some form of underling. Or that they are just rude.

I have a fantastic relationship with my courier out here, but thanks anyway. He rings when he's making a big delivery (I recently ordered some appliances) as he knows I'm a single mother and can't carry heavy items so he can organise a time with me. I've even made him a cup of tea after he's delivered them. He knows where the safe spot to leave the parcels is if I'm not home. But he's also smart enough to know that when I was a new mum, if I was on the sofa, I was either asleep or feeding, so he'd just leave the parcel and go. Of if he sees me through the front window on the computer, he knows I'm studying, so just taps on the window, gives a wave, and leaves the parcel on the front doorstep. Or maybe I've just got a courier driver with some common sense?

The Australia Post driver we won't discuss though. Leaves parcels at the local corner store without even attempting delivery because "he doesn't like getting out of his van". Which is why I pay for a PO Box for mail and deliveries so I don't have to deal with him.

I'd be really unhappy if our postman tried to deliver our parcels to the neighbour's or tried to deliver theirs to me! First of all, it's a huge invasion of privacy ( they would now what I am getting in the mail and vice-versa)and secondly, it's not their or my responsibility to keep tabs on when I'm/they are at home and make sure the parcel gets to me/them. It's never happened here in Australia but if it's common in the UK, they need to change that policy!

shows how self centred we have become

Like being so self centred you feel that when you ring a door bell you have a right to be answered regardless? I've demanded their attention, it is my right to have it.

midnite we have a courier round here just like that too (I'm UK). when she took a holiday last year another driver took her route and there were a lot of problems. She apologised to us and a few neighbours on her return even though it wasn't her fault and she is allowed a holiday. She is also one of the few who rings my doorbell, leaves it a bit then knocks.

We used to have a postman like that too but they've changed all the routes now and we have several - the Thursday one give us next doors mail and the same number in the next street our mail. Every thursday. Despite a ton of complaints

Ilovemyself, will you please stop calling the OP a liar in your PA 'I do wonder if...' way?

If you can't take a post at face value, then don't respond - to keep on niggling and picking holes is astonishingly rude. But I doubt you'll see it that way as you seem to have appointed yourself the Voice of Reason on this thread (shame that only you and cronullansw agree).

Btw, my husband still works in the shipping industry and has done so for over 20 years - he agrees with me that there's no excuse for rudeness to a customer - or, in fact, like the OP, someone who isn't even the customer but a 3rd party who has no obligation to take anything in or answer her door if she's busy. The driver probably is under stress to make his/her deliveries, I grant you, but they overstepped the mark when they banged repeatedly and shouted on a 3rd party's door. At that point they gave up any right to expect politeness in return.

I often take in deliveries, as I'm at home most days. If I miss them, they put a card through. If they tried to hammer down my door they would get short shrift.

SAHM's are bit of an oddity these days. On one street, you might only have one. The courier or the RM postman soon learns on their route that 95% of the occupants on the street are not going to be at home. Guess whose place s/he is going to take it to? Soon enough, they probably won't even bother attempting to deliver it at the places they've had no luck at, they'll all go straight to the house where they can be fairly sure that someone will be there. It would be nice and neighbourly to take in an occasional parcel for a neighbour but potentially twenty (with eBay) of the bloody things each day? It's really rotten of the RM and courier services to cut their storage costs ( and that's all it is when they pushed for it to become legal) by taking advantage of people's wish to be good neighbour's. If I found out someone had specifically named my address as one to deliver to if they weren't there without asking me first, I'd point blank refuse to sign for it.

What are the legal ramifications if the item is damaged or if a neighbour won't hand it over?

I didn't say they were lieing. I have made errors when seriously sleep deprived and I wonder if the OP had as well.

It's an open forum and I have every right to put my point across as well. Picking holes can only be done if the holes are there to be picked. Quite often when you start asking questions the actual situation is different to how it was originally worded.

And just because a group of people agree that the OP is fine on an open forum it doesn't automatically make them right. It means they simply have the same pov as the OP, rightly or wrongly.

I do find it hard to believe that any driver would wait 5 minutes. None I know would as thy don't have the time. And you are right that she has no obligation to accept delivery but as she has done so before she has implied to the driver that it is acceptable to deliver there for her neighbour.

And my bugbear is more that people are rude in that they think that they can ignore someone. And so many people on here think it is fine to ignore the door regardless.

You are right. There is no reason for rudeness on either side. And just because someone is rude to you doesn't make it right on any better to be rude back.

And obviously, lovecat, you have appointed yourself the righteous defender of of the OP.

Mimi. I don't think it is rotten for the companies to try and reduce their storage costs. They are there to make money and a large number of undelivered items has an impact on both cost and service.

It is the responsibility of the person expecting the delivery to be in to collect it, or to nominate an AGREED place for it to be delivered. If not, the courier is not unreasonable to see if anyone is able to take it. They don't have to agree.

And as was said early on, if the person really didn't want to be disturbed all they need do is put a sign on the door. It would be reasonable then to have a go at someone that ignored the sign.

But what if they would want to be disturbed if it was a parcel for them but not if it's for the neighbour's, especially if that potentially means being disturbed many times ? I do agree that the OP could have called out 'Now is not a good time' , shook her head and pointed at her sleeping babe in arms. Perhaps OP, you could make a little sign "Not accepting neighborhood deliveries at this time" and hang it out when you don't want to be disturbed. Of course, that would require you remembering to do it before you needed to.

There is a polite sign up in my window of my door that say my mail/parcels/etc are never to be left in the hands of a particular neighbour (which is also given as a delivery instruction) and that I will not take their parcels either. 9 out of 10 times this is completely ignored. I get arsey drivers who try to force me to take their parcels because I will take for other neighbours. So what I do now is refuse any parcels from those couriers unless one of my neighbours is totally desperate and asks me beforehand. I don't mind them asking me but I do mind them getting arsey whether verbally or repetitively banging. Drivers lose their own money by being like this, I don't care if they don't get paid if they don't have basic manners.

Eagle. That is perfectly fair, and if they repeatedly ignore your sign I would complain to the depot.