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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I was but I just saw red.

167 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 04/06/2013 14:14

Please be gentle!
I'm sat on the sofa cuddling my sleeping teething 16 month old who has been up most of the night, up stairs is my sleeping 2 and a half year old.

A van pulled up outside and tried to deliver a parcel next door. She wasn't in so the delivery driver came and rand my door bell. The front door is frosted glass and my the living room door is open so he could see me sat on the sofa.

I ignored him, as I didn't want to wake my sleeping baby. He knocks loudly on the door and peers in the glass shouting, I continue to ignore and he knocks harder (I swear he was going to break the glass it was that hard and loud)

DD2 jumps awake and starts crying and then I hear DD1 moving around upstairs. Meanwhile delivery man is peering and knocking again.

I'm shattered and was half dozing myself, I'll admit I saw red. I flung the door open (he almost fell in through the door) and shouted, 'if someone doesn't answer the door there is usually a reason, I'm not interested today' and slammed the door leaving a rather stunned delivery man.

I then tried to shush my baby back to sleep and could see him in the street trying other doors shouting in my direction (no idea what he was saying!) Now I have 2 tired grumpy toddlers awake after only sleeping for less than an hour. I know that's not his problem and he didnt know. BUT.

Am I Being Unreasonable to not answer my door? Did I really commit some great crime?

(I know I was probably unreasonable to shout at him!)

OP posts:
EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 05/06/2013 08:11

Put a sign on the door saying you don't take in parcels for other addresses. I refused to take in a parcel the other day for my absolute cunt of a neighbour on the basis that I didn't want to have to interact with her on any level. It's not obligatory.

I only order from amazon or little woods in general because they both use couriers who are happy to chuck parcels over the garden fence (or open the fence and leave it in the shed sometimes!)

SacreBlue · 05/06/2013 08:48

A note on the door, but if you know your neighbours they of the numerous parcel brigade why not let them know it doesn't suit too.

Nearly any parcel delivery I have had has asked re leaving with neighbours and you can specify which ones to leave alone too I imagine

My neighbour has LO and is home and doesn't mind but when her newest LO arrives I wouldn't expect her to answer or the delivery guy to know her circumstances so would ask for another neighbour to take it.

Have a chat with your neighbour, if it's mostly the same person's parcels, and let them know not to tick 'leave with neighbour' or at least put leave with neighbour at x but NOT y (OP) address?

TarkaTheOtter · 05/06/2013 09:07

Delivery drivers can do right. The can ring the bell once (and perhaps if it doesn't make a noise, knock once). Wait 2 mins. Leave a card if no one answers.

They don't HAVE to either only pretend to attempt delivery or try so hard to deliver they harass your neighbours.

OP, YANBU. I would explain nicely to your neighbours what happened and that you don't wish to take parcels for them anymore and put a sign on your door to that effect.

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 09:12

I would love to see anyone complaining last 1 week as a dekivery driver!

HarderToKidnap · 05/06/2013 09:19

Devils advocate - there's no way he could have seen a slumped back/outline and been concerned for you? Could he clearly see you alive and well or might he have thought you were unconcious form what he could see? That's the only reason I can think of for aggressive knocking. Otherwise it's sheer rudeness and YANBU.

WallaceWindsock · 05/06/2013 09:26

I don't understand how anyone can think the OP is unreasonable. A knock on the door is an invitation to open the door. I have ignored people at the door many times when dealing with something more important, I would have been angry if anyone was so presumptive as to stand there hammering away with the expectation that I should open the door.

The OP clearly states that he hammered with increasing volume, this is unnecessary and aggressive.

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 09:30

Wallacewindsock. I can't belief that there are so many rude people about! Is it polite to ignore someone that knows you are there.

If someone said excuse me in the street would you ignore them? Probably not.

The driver can't answer for himself here, so we just have the side of the original poster.

And increasing the volume doesn't mean it is aggressive. It just means the person knocking thinks you may not have heard them!

Wishiwasanheiress · 05/06/2013 09:30

No not bu. once a Jehovah's knocked on mine and woke my dd who had been up all night crying. I gave a mouthful so big so vitriolic and bile felt I was actually shocked at myself.

What really got me was she dragged her 9yr old with her presumably in the forlorn hope she wouldn't be shouted at with a kid. I put that straight too. :(

Still feel bit bad now but knock on my door at your peril!!! ;)

Wishiwasanheiress · 05/06/2013 09:32

It's your door. You choose to open it. You do not keep hammering or shouting forcing said door to be opened.

That is aggressive intimidating and rude.

WallaceWindsock · 05/06/2013 09:36

Equally is it polite to keep knocking on a door when it is obvious e occupant has chosen not to answer? In our family we have had a large number of bereavements over the past few years. Most occasions where I haven't answered the door I have either been sitting quietly having received bad news, been consoling family etc. Other times I have been mid shower, on the toilet, on the phone, dealing with nappy explosions, extracting a toddler from window sills etc.

The person knocking is offering a request that I answer the door. If the time is not convenient I will not abandon toddler, baby, leap from the shower, pause mid shit, hang up on a relative or cease grieving just to receive a parcel/tell a Jehovah's Witness to bog off etc. It is incredibly rude to continue knocking when the occupant does not answer.

bluecarrot · 05/06/2013 09:36

I yelled at the guy who reads the electric meter who let himself into my home TWICE. I normally keep the door locked but first time DD was due home any minute and I was puking in bathroom so I unlocked it do she could get in. Second time I was leaving the house, nipped back in for bottle of water and came back to the hall and he was standing in it. I have an outer door and inner door and he had come through both.

Scared the life out of me. He's due to come back any day now- wonder if he will just leave a card?!

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 09:39

Wishi. That's so childish. It's my toy and I don't want you to play sounds familiar.

As you don't know the drivers side and you don't know if he was concerned or just thought it plain rude that someone was there and ignoring the door. So your claim of intimidating and aggressive are based on no fact and if he was rude it was just as rude as she was ( not that that is right)

LilyAmaryllis · 05/06/2013 09:42

YANBU. Anyone who has to knock on doors for a living should have some basic idea about a whole host of reasons why someone might not want or be able to open the door. Give knocking a try and then give up gracefully and leave the card.

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 09:43

Blue carrot. That is plane wrong to just let yourself in. I agree with you on that one

Wallace. There is no reason other than a life and death one not to answer the door. You can then politely say no thank you, or not today thanks, or do you mind not knocking in future.

There is a link between the words ignore and ignorance.

Lovecat · 05/06/2013 09:45

The OP was not rude at all, Ilovemyself. Nobody has to answer a door and to not even wait for a response but to continue getting louder and louder is extremely rude.

I love how you defend the driver saying that we don't know his side. You're right, we don't. So your claims that he may have been a concerned citizen worried about the OP being ill are similarly based on no fact whatsoever.

Are you a delivery driver, by any chance? :)

Lovecat · 05/06/2013 09:46

"No reason other than a life or death one not to answer the door"

Shock[confusion]

So if you're on the loo you should leap up, dripping, and stumble to the door with your pants round your ankles?

Now you're just having a laugh.

MidniteScribbler · 05/06/2013 09:48

There is no reason other than a life and death one not to answer the door. You can then politely say no thank you, or not today thanks, or do you mind not knocking in future.

In the shower
In the loo
Asleep
Sick
Changing a pooey nappy

All perfectly valid reasons for not opening the door.

Can't be freaking arsed is also a perfectly acceptable reason.

AndHarry · 05/06/2013 09:53

YANBU. This is why we moved from a lovely flat. It had a communal buzzer entry system and people would press until they got an answer.

BUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! Angry

If we hadn't been renting I would have disconnected it.

IsSpringSprangedYet · 05/06/2013 09:54

YANBU

The lady who does my clothes washing for me, does this and then let's herself in anyway. I woke up to find her half way up my stairs once. She never says when she's coming and I have said to leave it next door with MIL if there is no answer at mine. She is lovely otherwise.

My dad phones and knocks like a loon too.

xylem8 · 05/06/2013 09:54

YANBU - how rude he was!!

Corygal · 05/06/2013 09:57

YAsooooNBU. I nearly had a heart attack last week when delivery man "knocked" sorry Knocked Down the front door at 730am.

I had to reset and tighten the door locks afterwards, I kid you not.

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 09:58

No lovecat I am not. But if you read my earlier post I have worked in the shipping industry and know the grief the drivers get. And yes, my claims are also based on not having all the facts but I am putting the opposing view that noone had even considered.

Ok. I concede that being on the loo or changing a nappy or asleep are valid reasons but can't be arsed is just as rude as the driver allegedly was.

I would love to see your face when the delivery driver didn't wait for you or knock loud enough for you to hear and your parcel wasn't delivered.

And of course they be being rude. They ignored someone. That is by itself rude.

Gunznroses · 05/06/2013 10:01

Ilovemyself - Really ? no reason at all ? so if you're having sex you'll disengage to answer the door ? there's a reason for the door and its usually to keep 'other' people out, until you decide to let them in.

and by the way same with phones...I answer them when I want!

Morloth · 05/06/2013 10:02

Small packages are delivered to work.

Large household items - amazingly in Oz they actually give you a window so you don't need to stay in all day and if I was expecting one that day I would simply leave the gate open.

There is a mail slot which is big enough to take a good size package into a weatherproof box.

Have been here 2 years now, never missed a package/delivery and annoying callers happen to other people. Living in a ground floor flat in a row of London terrace's taught me that I have a very low threshold for these things.

I don't answer the door/phone if I don't feel like it.

I also have a beware of the dog sign on the gate with a huge snarling picture. I don't actually have a dog, but it puts off anyone who might not have gotten the hint.

MidniteScribbler · 05/06/2013 10:03

I would love to see your face when the delivery driver didn't wait for you or knock loud enough for you to hear and your parcel wasn't delivered.

But it wasn't the OPs parcel. It was the neighbours parcel. The OP is under no obligation whatsoever to play secretary for her neighbour who can't organise their own parcel deliveries. The driver can knock, but if it is not answered or ignored, then they need to move on, not carry on like a fruitloop because it meant more work for him to redeliver. People who expect their neighbours to get up and answer a door to take in parcels for them without so much as even a 'do you mind' are the rude ones.

Perhaps if some drivers didn't act like such prats, they wouldn't have the reputation that they do have?