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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I was but I just saw red.

167 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 04/06/2013 14:14

Please be gentle!
I'm sat on the sofa cuddling my sleeping teething 16 month old who has been up most of the night, up stairs is my sleeping 2 and a half year old.

A van pulled up outside and tried to deliver a parcel next door. She wasn't in so the delivery driver came and rand my door bell. The front door is frosted glass and my the living room door is open so he could see me sat on the sofa.

I ignored him, as I didn't want to wake my sleeping baby. He knocks loudly on the door and peers in the glass shouting, I continue to ignore and he knocks harder (I swear he was going to break the glass it was that hard and loud)

DD2 jumps awake and starts crying and then I hear DD1 moving around upstairs. Meanwhile delivery man is peering and knocking again.

I'm shattered and was half dozing myself, I'll admit I saw red. I flung the door open (he almost fell in through the door) and shouted, 'if someone doesn't answer the door there is usually a reason, I'm not interested today' and slammed the door leaving a rather stunned delivery man.

I then tried to shush my baby back to sleep and could see him in the street trying other doors shouting in my direction (no idea what he was saying!) Now I have 2 tired grumpy toddlers awake after only sleeping for less than an hour. I know that's not his problem and he didnt know. BUT.

Am I Being Unreasonable to not answer my door? Did I really commit some great crime?

(I know I was probably unreasonable to shout at him!)

OP posts:
debduck · 05/06/2013 10:03

cheese on toast solves most problems, poss excluding weight loss and diabetes. However, I'd have done the same. I like the idea of the note.

EagleRiderDirk · 05/06/2013 10:04

This is why the service industry and customer service is going down the pan. People with the attitude that as I'm doing my job you should bow down to my demands. Sod the fact that op was doing her job as a mother and comforting her child. Delivery is a customer service,m the drivers should serve the customers, there should be no expectation that others will serve them, the service to the customer may be at the drivers convenience but that doest mean everybody else has to be. Legally you have a right of peaceable enjoyment of your home. No one who is 'just doing their job badly' has the right to break that.

gamerchick35 · 05/06/2013 10:04

I had to register to maybe stick up for the driver a tad. I know I wouldn't do their jobs in a million.

They're ruled by their saturn.. all stops are loaded up into that machine.. it predicts the route and the times, as well as the 'must deliver by this time parcels'. They are under immense pressure from their depots to deliver and an owner driver can be taking out 120+ stops. ANY returns made if they are an owner driver means they don't get paid. The drivers don't get paid, their supervisor gets his arse kicked verbally all over the depot by the ops manager and so it goes on up the management food chain.. all because the driver can't deliver that parcel for whatever reason.

Maybe he was a bit loud and yes you have the right to be pissed off.. however with the greatest of respect you have taken in parcels previously and he probably knew that.. so really you should hold some of the responsibility and your annoyance should be directed to your neighbours who are actually the ones taking the piss.

Tell your neighbours no more and put a sign on your door. Jobs a goodun.

MNBlackpoolandFylde · 05/06/2013 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 10:18

Midnite. The OP didn't know it wasn't for her until she answered the door!

Yes you are right that neighbours should expect, but if you get on with your neighbours it isn't normally a problem.

And it isn't just that it causes more work. If you return a percentage of parcels then either they have to be added to the round the following day ( causing even more of a tight schedule) or they sit around the depot where they are in the way.

Eagle. The problem with customer service in this country is that a lot of people think that the customer is always right, even when they are wrong. Just because she was doing her job as a mum doesn't mean she should be rude, even if the other person is ( not that we can confirm that)

Gamerchick35 - you are 100% right, not that those complaining will ever get it.

MidniteScribbler · 05/06/2013 10:21

A van pulled up outside and tried to deliver a parcel next door. She wasn't in so the delivery driver came and rand my door bell.

OP knew it wasn't for her.

And it isn't just that it causes more work. If you return a percentage of parcels then either they have to be added to the round the following day ( causing even more of a tight schedule) or they sit around the depot where they are in the way.

Or they could start to think about more efficient ways of delivery. How about instead of just assuming it can be left with a neighbour, that they actually have a section asking where it CAN be left? Or if delivering to a private address they could pick up the phone and make arrangements for which day it will be delivered. Or set up an automated SMS/Email service which sends a message the night before to say that a parcel will be delivered so people know when to stay home. Too logical?

TarkaTheOtter · 05/06/2013 10:24

I don't think it is rude to not answer the door if you haven't invited somebody to knock.

gamerchick35 · 05/06/2013 10:24

You're right Ilove if you have no experience of an industry then people don't understand the work that goes in to get people their parcels on time.

Still at least my husband will be happy I actually listen when he tells me about his work. The stress of getting returns added to the next days rounds when they get in excess of 5000 parcels a day to get out makes me feel sorry for them.

Still, all rudeness is turned into a story at the end of the days work... along with deliveries that are made to woman who are sunbathing naked in the garden.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks · 05/06/2013 10:25

If you're on the loo, you must hobble with your pants around your ankles and unwiped bum sticking out to answer the door. Grin guaranteed way to make sure they don't knock again! Grin

WallaceWindsock · 05/06/2013 10:26

Ilovemyself I shall remember that next time I'm on the loo and the postie knocks. I have post baby piles and am a bit of a mess when on the loo. I'm sure he will be immensely grateful I answered the door with blood and shit dripping everywhere. I don't believe it is ignorance that stops me from sprinting to the door, abandoning whatever I am doing, it's consideration. I'd rather consider my needs (toilet), my children's needs (stuck, hurt, crying, poo explosion), the needs of family etc than prioritise the needs of whoever happens to be knocking on the door. I think ignoring my children or family to collect a parcel is far more ignorant.

gamerchick35 · 05/06/2013 10:29

There is usually a checkbox on ordering if a parcel can be left with a neighbour.. obviously this is the case as the OP (sorry for talking about you in the third OP) and as she has taken in parcels before and chose not too this time is relevant IMO. The driver wasn't to know she wasn't in the mood that day.. he may have thought she was seriously ill perhaps.

Rudeness is rudeness and steps need to be taken so the OP isn't interrupted again that doesn't involve yelling at somebody.

That said, prolonged banging is damned annoying and I 'do' understand where that rudeness came from. He probably won't knock again anyway after that.

gamerchick35 · 05/06/2013 10:31

[quote] TarkaTheOtter Wed 05-Jun-13 10:24:09

I don't think it is rude to not answer the door if you haven't invited somebody to knock. [/quote]

this made me chuckle ^^.. I take it you've taped up your letter box then tarka? :D

WallaceWindsock · 05/06/2013 10:31

Also for those of you arguing that we dot understand the other side of this fair enough. However as someone up thread mentioned, we shouldn't have to inconvenience ourselves because the industry is hard for delivery drivers. Changes should be made to ensure tat the drivers aren't faced with such consequences of they can't deliver parcels. It isn't the customers fault that they can't or won't answer the door and isnt the delivery drivers. So your issue should be with the policy and not those of us who chose not to answer the door for whatever reason.

Lambzig · 05/06/2013 10:32

Tell your neighbours to get a parcel box. My neighbours used to take parcels in for us all the time. I don't think they minded and we used to give them a bottle of wine every so often to say thanks, but we were worried we were being cheeky. We decided to get a parcel box and now anything gets left in there, much easier.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 05/06/2013 10:34

YANBU at all. One ring on the doorbell, wait for a minute and then a knock at the door just in case doorbell not working or person is hard of hearing. Then leave. Lots of reasons why people might not answer the door.

katieks · 05/06/2013 10:37

I second the sign. When I had first baby, people from the street were forever popping in for a chat and a look at the baby. I was shattered. Until I put up a sign saying 'mother & baby resting. Please don't disturb'. Just put a sign up. I have told off people previously as well when they ignore sign.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 05/06/2013 10:37

While I have sympathy for anyone whose job causes them stress, it's absolutely not my problem if I haven't created the stress by ordering the fecking parcel, and its not my responsibility to sort it out either for the delivery man or the neighbour.

I work from home 2-3 days a week. Not answering the door is not rude. It is "focusing on my job". I would be very short with someone who banged hard on the window during eg a conference call as well.

gamerchick35 · 05/06/2013 10:38

Then I must point out and earlier smidge of a post I made. If somebody takes in parcels for their neighbours.. how is the driver to know that that day said person has had a bad night or whatever and didn't want to do it that day? They don't have the gift of sight. That particular deliver service might well have the text alert in place and the neighbour got that and as they know their neighbour has willingly taken in parcels previously they probably didn't give it a second thought.

So again.. the neighbour is the one who need telling.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 05/06/2013 10:41

The neighbour isn't the one peering and knocking so hard OP was was worried he would break the glass. Both were in the wrong.

gamerchick35 · 05/06/2013 10:45

I agree.. the driver was out of line.. he shouldn't have done what he did and if the OP makes a quick call to the depot and asks to speak to the operations manager then they will have a word with that driver (and they will, arse kickings happen.. well unless it's yodel probably.

It's happened now and obviously something needs to be said to someone so the OP doesn't have to take in any more parcels. It's not rocket science.

MNBlackpoolandFylde · 05/06/2013 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearbehind · 05/06/2013 10:55

Surely if you'd seen the delivery driver go next door and knew what he was doing, it would have been easier to open the door and take the parcel rather than have him banging on the door for 5 minutes and waking up the children?

I can see its annoying if the parcel isn't for you, but I think waking the children could have been avoided.

I'm shocked at the number of people who order stuff on line then don't open the door for their own things- that's pretty selfish IMO and hardly fair on the delivery drivers. It's no wonder they get pissed off.

gamerchick35 · 05/06/2013 10:58

Yes yodel are insane.. they have ingenious ways of disguising parcels with door mats or indeed just leaving them in plain sight. Or in my case, leaving laptops in the bin cupboard Hmm

FrustratedSycamoresRocks · 05/06/2013 10:59

I only take in parcels for one neighbour, because we're a semi and I can hear when she gets home and refuse the rest, even if they do knock.

I do ignore the door if I am busy doing other things or if the dc require my attention.

londone17 · 05/06/2013 11:05

I get regular parcels and have a lovely retired neighbour who very kindly takes them in when I'm not there. I put a sign on my front door saying this. He likes having something to do and makes my life easier. He gets chocolates, lifts and can ask me for anything anytime. This is different as we have an arrangement.

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