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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I was but I just saw red.

167 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 04/06/2013 14:14

Please be gentle!
I'm sat on the sofa cuddling my sleeping teething 16 month old who has been up most of the night, up stairs is my sleeping 2 and a half year old.

A van pulled up outside and tried to deliver a parcel next door. She wasn't in so the delivery driver came and rand my door bell. The front door is frosted glass and my the living room door is open so he could see me sat on the sofa.

I ignored him, as I didn't want to wake my sleeping baby. He knocks loudly on the door and peers in the glass shouting, I continue to ignore and he knocks harder (I swear he was going to break the glass it was that hard and loud)

DD2 jumps awake and starts crying and then I hear DD1 moving around upstairs. Meanwhile delivery man is peering and knocking again.

I'm shattered and was half dozing myself, I'll admit I saw red. I flung the door open (he almost fell in through the door) and shouted, 'if someone doesn't answer the door there is usually a reason, I'm not interested today' and slammed the door leaving a rather stunned delivery man.

I then tried to shush my baby back to sleep and could see him in the street trying other doors shouting in my direction (no idea what he was saying!) Now I have 2 tired grumpy toddlers awake after only sleeping for less than an hour. I know that's not his problem and he didnt know. BUT.

Am I Being Unreasonable to not answer my door? Did I really commit some great crime?

(I know I was probably unreasonable to shout at him!)

OP posts:
EagleRiderDirk · 05/06/2013 12:04

Ilovemyself I think its perfectly acceptable to be rude to someone when has been rude to you first. Ringing, leaving it a minute then knocking then leaving isn't rude. Ringing knocking several times and shouting is very rude. Waiting for 5 mins also sort of defeats the tight round argument and is exceptionally rude. He deserved what he had coming to him. He also shouted first. Treat others as you want to be treated and all that. The customer isn't always right but when you pay for a service common courtesy needs to be extended to the customer or in this case their representatives, if not then don't expect any in return.

bordellosboheme · 05/06/2013 12:06

Yadnbu

MuddlingMackem · 05/06/2013 12:10

YANBU. I've been in your shoes OP and in those circumstances I'd probably have been up on an assault charge! Sad

And to the people saying that you should always answer the door, tough!

I've started ignoring the knocks on the door from kids calling for my kids whilst my daughter is doing her daily reading practice straight after school. It was so disruptive during what is already a major chore. Since I made that decision my stress levels have dropped considerably. Grin

Katnisscupcake · 05/06/2013 12:22

Put a note on the door (sorry, haven't read the whole thread in case someone has already suggested this).

I work from home and typically whenever the doorbell goes (and makes the dogs bark), I'm on a conference call. So I have a note on the door saying 'Working from Home. Unless you are making a delivery please do NOT ring the doorbell'. I'm never interrupted now unless they are delivering something to me.

When DD was a baby the note read 'Newborn baby sleeping, please do not ring the doorbell as dogs will bark'. I watched out if I was expecting a delivery. Again, no doorbells! Smile

If I was you I would put something like that. Seems to work around here.

By the way, YANBU.

Bertrude · 05/06/2013 12:35

cheese on toast solves most problems, excluding weight loss and diabetes

This will be my new phrase. Love it.

Anyway, YANBU OP. I have done similar previously in a similarly knackered state - I got up and went to my front door and shouted that I was deliberately ignoring them, because I was trying to get some sleep after being up for 32 hours due to travelling and had just got comfy. I wasn't expecting anything, and it was a water machine salesman!

I was also very unreasonable the time I was off work with a broken ankle and therefore crutches. I couldn't make myself any food, so I ordered takeaway. The front door opens into the dining room and the table was about 5 metres away. Pizza guy rings bell about 5 times (understandable and acceptable - I was being very slow), and proceeds to hand me my pizza box and see me struggling to stand up, hold pizza, and pay him all at the same time. Any nice person would have possibly offered to at least put it on the table for me. I may have shouted at him for being mean to someone who was obviosuly struggling. Its not his problem how I get the food from door to eating place, and they're probably not allowed to enter homes. I put it on the floor and kicked it nearer the sofa in the end because I hadn't considered how to get back to the sofa when I ordered it Grin

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 12:37

Mudding. I like your tough. Basically you are saying screw the rest of the world.

And Eagle. Do you really think it was 5 minutes. Do you not think that as the OP was so stressed at my have seemed longer than it was. I am in no way saying she telling a lie. Just that she may well in her sleep deprived state thought it was longer than it was.

As she had previously accepted parcels why should he expect otherwise.

Finally it is simple. As others have said, if you don't want people to knock or ring put a sign up. Then they have no excuse.

2rebecca · 05/06/2013 12:43

As the parcel wasn't even for you I think the delivery man was unreasonable and I would be complaining about him.
I'd remove the battery from the bell if a baby is sleeping though, I also used to turn ringers off on phones.
Next time I'd keep the doors closed so you can't be seen though as people don't persist for as long if they can't obviously see that someone is in and maybe just a bit deaf.

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 12:44

Bertrude. I am sure the salesman had everyone on the streets schedule and knew you were tired.

And the pizza guy may have been helpful, but he may have been shouted at by a previous customer for stepping inside the door. And that aside some delivery drivers are not insured to step inside the house and are scared they will lose their job if they do. Personally I would have offered but some peopleay not want to.

The best one for me was the mothercare driver that wouldn't put our double buggy in our living room as his insurance would cover him despite my wife being 3 weeks away from having the twins. BTW - despite not sleeping and suffering from horrendous SPD and bursitis she didn't feel the news to should at him

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 05/06/2013 12:52

I know I was 5 minutes, I have a clock.

I knew it wasn't for me I watched the man knock on the next doors house, I knew they weren't in, they both work full time and their cars were gone.

I was pinned to the sofa by a sleeping baby. I literally couldn't get to the door without waking her.

I know how much he could see dh ad I are children dh often takes time deliberately answering the door so I've peered and know how clearly he could see. He could see me, he could see me looking at him. And I know he could see I was deliberately ignoring him.

You say I 'willingly' took parcels in before, I think I said normally I'd don't really mind, and I don't but I have never been consulted about this. We moved into the street 4 months ago and not once has the neighbour been round to see if its ok. The previous owners worked full time too so wouldn't have been around to take parcels during the day.

I'm actually shocked at how many people feel answering a door is compulsory do you also think its rude not to answer the phone when I rings?

OP posts:
TarkaTheOtter · 05/06/2013 12:54

gamerchick no I don't have my letterbox taped up, what has that got to do with it.
I am often at home during the day. I take parcels for my neighbours. But inside my home I don't think it is rude to decide that I am unavailable and not answer the door when I am not expecting someone/something. It is not my (or the OP's) job or obligation to accept parcels.
I'm sure that delivery drivers are under a lot of pressure to deliver first time but that is something wrong with the business model and not an excuse to pass the responsibility of delivering them onto neighbours.

Some companies (whoever kiddicare use for example) manage short slots, text notification etc. I bet they are able to deliver a lot more of their parcels direct to the recipient first time.

TarkaTheOtter · 05/06/2013 12:56

Sorry that had more paragraphs when I was writing it Blush

skyeskyeskye · 05/06/2013 12:59

My XH was a courier driver and when he used to do parcel delivery, they used to leave them wherever they could. They get paid per drop, which means if the dont deliver it, they leave it wherever they can. He also used to make up signatures and leave it when people were out.

He used to get infuriated when people refused to take parcels in for other people, but I used to try and tell him that people dont have to if they dont want to!

I had somebody leaving a parcel once, who just opened my door and threw it in, she didn't even knock first. I did have a go at her. She said fine, dont expect any parcels then. I said - this is my house and you should knock and wait for the door to be answered. I did complain about her because her of her attitude. The company apologised, said she was self employed, nothing they could do about her.

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 13:07

In the eyes of the driver you had accepted them before so it would be reasonably safe to think you would do so again.

Just write a sign and everyone will be happy

Ilovemyself · 05/06/2013 13:11

Tarka. Do you always know the day something is due? I would have thought not. If you get some thing sent from the forms you complete in a bounty pack. Does the post always take the time stated?

And the business model is based around customers wanting their deliveries for the cheapest price and shortest time possible. If people were willing to pay higher delivery charges it would be different, but people don't want to pay

EagleRiderDirk · 05/06/2013 15:19

It wasn't unreasonable to think op would take the parcel as she has before, but hthe driver was unreasonable in his attempt to enforce it or to even expect it. I leant my neighbour £20 once, he may ask me again if he needs to but it doesn't give him the right to stand on my doorstep and demand £20 when he feels like it.

Startail · 05/06/2013 15:24

YANBU
If the parcel is for you that's one thing (I'm slightly deaf and have my post lady trained to bang on the door).

But if the parcel is for next door, he is asking a favour.

Banging and shouting is not a polite way to ask.

Feelingood · 05/06/2013 15:25

no imo

just today a one blocked my drive to deliver toneighbour askedme to take it and i spat out "i better had as youve blocked me in" - was loadind car at time to go out. he reeked of stale fags. felt like telling him to really fuck off

OutOfCigarettes · 05/06/2013 15:51

YANBU, i would have shouted too! I currently have a note on my doorbell saying 'please do not ring the doorbell-night shift worker sleeping'. Last thing my DH needs is to be woken up for a parcel not even intended for us.

littlemisssarcastic · 05/06/2013 16:08

Delivery drivers in my area get paid for each parcel they actually deliver.
They are paid pennies per parcel. They have to attempt delivery up to 3 times, after which the parcel is returned to the warehouse and the driver doesn't get paid because they didn't deliver.
It is not economical to deliver less than 500 a week. Most delivery drivers deliver 100 a day.

People complain because the driver doesn't wait at the door long enough, knocks too loud, knocks too early, too late, leaves parcel out when they're not in, doesn't leave parcel, doesn't make polite conversation etc etc.
No need for rude drivers or rude customers imo. Perhaps the solution is for customers to be in or make solid arrangements if they are expecting a delivery?

StateofConfusion · 05/06/2013 16:50

Yanbu at all op. I'd have been incandescent with rage but then i feel your pain i have a 2hrly feeding 5mo sleep is very precious.

Loopylala7 · 05/06/2013 16:52

We regularly unplug our phone, and I have been known to ignore the door, but it's a bit harder ignoring the door. YANBU. Sleep deprivation is the pits for both you and your little ones

Loopylala7 · 05/06/2013 16:58

Littlemisssarcastic, unfortunately with time slots such as 'between 8am and 6pm' it is difficult to be in I'm afraid, you could waste a whole day being in. I feel for the delivery guy, but anyone who's been up with a baby who will not go back to sleep can empathise that it sucks to have your baby woken by door/phone, ESPECIALLY when it's not a parcel for your house.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 05/06/2013 17:10

Yanbu at all. Your door and whether you answer it is entirely your decision. The guy was rude as fuck to keep banging when it was obvious you had decided not to answer. Good on you for giving him a piece of your mind.

lottieandmia · 05/06/2013 17:18

YANBU at all! My pet hate is people knocking who think they are entitled to your time whether you want or are in a position to give it or not. I would have been very angry too.

littlemisssarcastic · 05/06/2013 22:28

Totally understand that Loopylala7.

My delivery driver leaves a card with his phone number on, and if I'm not in first time, I usually ring or text him and arrange delivery. He usually gives me a 2 hour slot, so it's not too much hassle to wait in then.

Mind you, my ire would probably be directed at the rudeness of the driver, but also at the neighbour for assuming that OP would take her parcels in.

My delivery driver knocked on my door a while back now and showed me specific instructions that said 'If not in, leave at LMS's house.'

How rude of my next door neighbour to assume I would take their parcel just because I was a SAHM!! I refused!!