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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I was but I just saw red.

167 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 04/06/2013 14:14

Please be gentle!
I'm sat on the sofa cuddling my sleeping teething 16 month old who has been up most of the night, up stairs is my sleeping 2 and a half year old.

A van pulled up outside and tried to deliver a parcel next door. She wasn't in so the delivery driver came and rand my door bell. The front door is frosted glass and my the living room door is open so he could see me sat on the sofa.

I ignored him, as I didn't want to wake my sleeping baby. He knocks loudly on the door and peers in the glass shouting, I continue to ignore and he knocks harder (I swear he was going to break the glass it was that hard and loud)

DD2 jumps awake and starts crying and then I hear DD1 moving around upstairs. Meanwhile delivery man is peering and knocking again.

I'm shattered and was half dozing myself, I'll admit I saw red. I flung the door open (he almost fell in through the door) and shouted, 'if someone doesn't answer the door there is usually a reason, I'm not interested today' and slammed the door leaving a rather stunned delivery man.

I then tried to shush my baby back to sleep and could see him in the street trying other doors shouting in my direction (no idea what he was saying!) Now I have 2 tired grumpy toddlers awake after only sleeping for less than an hour. I know that's not his problem and he didnt know. BUT.

Am I Being Unreasonable to not answer my door? Did I really commit some great crime?

(I know I was probably unreasonable to shout at him!)

OP posts:
iwantanafternoonnap · 04/06/2013 14:42

Nope. I work nights and have to put a sign on my door as I was fed up of delivery drivers knocking, knocking and knocking and then shouting and then going round the whole of my bungalow knocking on windows!!!

Drives me round the bend!

Hope you get some rest x

iloveweetos · 04/06/2013 14:44

YANBU, I wonder what his mood would be like with so little sleep!!!

I agree about putting sign up saying kids asleep, dont knock (I would leave it on all the time lol)

Have a mug of sweet tea and relax (as much as you can)

Awomansworth · 04/06/2013 14:44

Another vote for the "Do not disturb, babies sleeping" note on the front door.

There are only six houses where we live and when I was on maternity leave, the bloody postman would knock on my door every day with parcels for the other houses during nap time and they would both (twins) wake up and immediately start crying.

Took me a couple of weeks to come up with the note idea (major sleep depravation a very worthy excuse).

seeker · 04/06/2013 14:45

And in a day or two there'll be a thread about my pet hat- delivery men who creep! Up to the door on stockinged feet and shove a card through the letter box then run away because they can't be bothered to get the parcel out of the van!

inneedofrain · 04/06/2013 14:45

You were very reasonable under the circumstances!

I took to putting a sign in my door, saying something along the line of

"Sick baby, unless you are expected dont knock"

Kiriwawa · 04/06/2013 14:47

If it makes you feel any better, I yelled at my upstairs neighbour once for vacuuming after I'd just managed to get the baby off to sleep after a dreadful night. I had just got him off and was sitting down with a cup of tea for a much needed rest and he woke him up again Angry

I did apologise profusely afterwards but I wouldn't have done in this situation - it's not the law to answer the door. I've also done the note in the past and it works v well

thompson369 · 04/06/2013 14:47

When my DCs were tiny I sometimes put up a note on the front door saying "young children sleeping, please do not disturb", worth considering perhaps?

chocolatebuttiiins · 04/06/2013 14:51

YA def NBU. This drives me nuts. I did something similar to our postie one day. Like you I was craving sleep, terrified of them waking up, etc.

Now he holds a vendetta against me and puts cards through the door even when he knows I'm in the little bastard.

At Christmas my friend sent us two gilets from Gap (she told me later what they were) and we never received them. He had left a card saying he tried to deliver them but he didn't (try, I mean). They got sent back to Belfast apparently whereupon they must have made a nice Christmas present for some children they weren't intended for.

footphobic · 04/06/2013 14:56

I've also stuck a prominent 'Do not knock/disturb' note on the door at times. If you want a couple of undisturbed hours as you are entitled to in your own home, and it's a fairly frequent occurrence, definitely put it on as and when you need to.

We all like to be neighbourly and help each other out now and again, but you are not obliged to be the parcel receiver for your neighbours just because you are at home.

icklemssunshine1 · 04/06/2013 14:57

Definitely not unreasonable. I hate this. A few months back DH & I were consoling each other after learning that morning I had a MMC. A delivery guy (for over the road) knocked in our door & seeing we were on the sofa (we have no blinds or nets) began knocking on the window. WTF, couldn't he see I was crying? Needless to say DH gave him a few choice words!

UtterflyButterfly · 04/06/2013 15:01

No of course you're not being unreasonable. I agree with the idea of leaving a note on the door .

Glad the cheese on toast went down well.

Camwombat · 04/06/2013 15:02

We have a note that we put on the door when baby (now toddler) is asleep.
"Baby asleep, please don't ring bell, knock quietly"
There is a regular guy that delivers for Amazon here, he appreciates the note and wishes more parents did the same. He said he only rings bell once and as a dad knows how valuable that time is & hates knowing he woke a baby up, but he isnt psychic.

Latara · 04/06/2013 15:05

A note is a very good idea.

Also i worry that if parcels are left with neighbours rather than taken to a sorting office - then what if you can't trust all your neighbours?
It's the main reason i don't order much online as i've had some dodgy neighbours.

(Obviously you are a very good neighbour though!)

EagleRiderDirk · 04/06/2013 15:05

Yanbu. I think I am for shouting at mine 'either use the doorbell or knock' or 'the doorbell works just fine on its own' at alarming regular intervals. Because the idiots impatiently ring the doorbell and knock loudly of course, I'm not mental much

SauvignonBlanche · 04/06/2013 15:12

The morning after my DM's funeral I was woken by an unearthly hammering a the door, I went down to find the woman who runs the local newsagent there, with a young papergirl, telling me that they'd delivered to my door by mistake and could they have my neighbours DT.
I mean FFS they run a paper shop, couldn't they just have given them another copy? Angry

SarahAndFuck · 04/06/2013 15:38

YANBU.

I agree with the note idea. It worked so well for us I still sometimes use one now if I don't want to be disturbed.

chocolatebuttiiins you should report your postman. If customer care won't help, ask them to give you the name of his manager at the sorting office and complain to them and if that doesn't help then report to the ombudsman. We had to report the postwoman at our previous address and after a lot of nothing much from customer services and the sorting office she was based at, the ombudsman had ruled in our favour within less than a week.

UserError · 04/06/2013 17:28

I got a little sticker from Royal Mail (you can get it from their website) saying if there's no answer, parcels must be returned to the delivery office. It's stuck right on the letter box so they can't miss it!

We order online a lot and I know for a fact my neighbours are not very well, so this elimates Royal Mail at least from bothering them. I put 'do not leave with neighbours' on the delivery instructions if it's not Royal Mail.

It's your front door, you are SO not being unreasonable!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/06/2013 18:15

I used to put a note on the door. I became obsessed about their nap times being interrupted.

He was only trying to do a helpful job for your neighbour and as such doesn't deserve to be shouted at (he doesn't know you had sleeping children) but I understand your upset.

diddl · 04/06/2013 18:28

He was only trying to make it as easy on himself as possible imo.

There's no need to ring & ring and knock and knock ffs.

Take the fucking hint after one knock/ring why don't you??!!

RenterNomad · 04/06/2013 18:31

When we get our own house, I am soooo getting a parcel safe!

Longdistance · 04/06/2013 18:37

Yanbu. I'd hate this too.
Pop a sign on your door saying you will not take any parcels for anyone else.

MammaTJ · 04/06/2013 18:44

I have my wonderful postie trained to leave parcels somewhere in my garden for me. Sometimes he leaves a note telling me, sometimes he doesn't!! It is better than him waking me when I am trying to sleep after a night shift though.

formicadinosaur · 04/06/2013 18:48

I'm all for ignoring demanding delivery men.

However my husbands cousin once told me off for ringing in the middle of PFB's nap time. I didn't actualy know it was nap time and then didn't understand why she hadn't unplugged the phone or turned the volume down. I haven't rung again

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 04/06/2013 18:58

Jamie, I'm a very laid back person. Usually I really don't care about nap times. But last night my baby didn't sleep. I know he didn't know, but he could have rung once, accepted I wasn't going to answer and left. I would have even accepted a knock as well as a ring as our door bell is deliberately quiet.

But he didn't he knocked louder and louder repetedly. He shouted and peered through the door and had no intention of leaving.

It's my home, my santuary and I choose who I allow in and who I ignore. He was rude. (Can you tell I've slept and gained some sanity and perspective! Thank goodness for grandparents!)

OP posts:
Mondayschild78 · 04/06/2013 19:54

YANBU

I disconnected our doorbell when DS was 6 weeks old and he's now 19 months and I haven't yet reconnected it.