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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my sister-in-law should look after her own child?!

138 replies

MaddyM · 31/05/2013 13:44

We both had children at roughly the same time, but unfortunately her marriage broke up before he was a year old. Since then it seems that her parents (my in-laws) have him nearly all the time! My SIL and her ex alternate weekends, but nearly every weekend my SIL is supposed to have him she's got something else on that she can't possibly miss and dumps him on her parents. Same with school holidays. It seems so ridiculous and means that every time we need our son looked after (which frankly isn't often), they've already got my nephew! I think they spend more time with him than his mother! AIBU to think that she should spend a bit more time with her son and a bit less time going out?
Have bitten my tongue so hard today that I had to vent somewhere!

OP posts:
Trills · 31/05/2013 13:46

YABU to say that leaving a child with grandparents is "dumping".

janey68 · 31/05/2013 13:47

Your in laws aren't obliged to look after anyone's children! They've done their days of childcare.

I know where you're coming from, because personally I would feel terrible using either set of grandparents like that. But it seems your less concerned about the restrictions it imposes on their lives, than with the idea that it might make them less available to run round after your child Hmm

wannabedomesticgoddess · 31/05/2013 13:48

Do you know what being a single parent is like?

janey68 · 31/05/2013 13:48

you're

expatinscotland · 31/05/2013 13:49

Yes, YABU. You're miffed because you feel short-changed of free child care. It's your IL's choice, if they want to look after him, that's their business.

expatinscotland · 31/05/2013 13:50

Yes, it's dumping when she does it, but not when you need it.

usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 13:51

If her parents are happy to look after their grandchild you should keep your nose out.

CorrStagnitto · 31/05/2013 13:51

YABU its no of your business what your sil or her parents do, they can say no if they dont want to have him, you sounds a bit jealous

squeakytoy · 31/05/2013 13:51

Is there are reason why they cant look after your child at the same time?

As for the rest of it, keep your beak out and stop judging. The grandparents may be offering to have the child and enjoy spending time with him rather than seeing it as a provided service to the parents.

2beornot · 31/05/2013 13:52

I think YABU. She and her ex might alternate weekends but who has him during the week? And it seems like you're not bothered for the child (who may have a lovely time with his GPs) but annoyed that it means they can't look after your DS as much as you'd like!!

Original poster
MaddyM · 31/05/2013 13:52

I said we hardly ever ask them to have our son! I think it's unfair that my in-laws feel they have to have my nephew all the time! They're nice people and would feel horribly guilty if they ever said no.

OP posts:
caramelwaffle · 31/05/2013 13:52

You are being very unreasonable.

As expat says - thats's their business.

They could - if they wanted to - have your child at the same time as your nephew.

caramelwaffle · 31/05/2013 13:53

x-post with everyone

quietlysuggests · 31/05/2013 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 13:55

I'm sure they could cope with looking after 2 children if the need arose.

BellsaRinging · 31/05/2013 13:55

Well, being a single parent with a baby can be very grim and isolating. I really think those who haven't experienced it can't know what it is like. And her marriage has just broken up. Frankly at a time like that she's doing well to get herself and the baby up and out never mind anything else. YANBU-she needs support and her parents are obviously happy to give her that, and good on them.

mrsjay · 31/05/2013 13:56

I think you should say to your sil that she is dumping her child on her parents see how that pans out for you or you could tell your inlaws that you want to dump your child for a while, Hmm

the grandparents choose not to have your child they can do that if they want it does seem unfair but I think it is their issue and not your single parent sister in law

Original poster
MaddyM · 31/05/2013 13:56

During the week she sees her son for an hour in the morning and then a couple of hours before bed each night as she works full time.
I repeat it's NOT because we want them to look after our son! We just happen to think that parents should be the main carers when possible.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 13:57

Do they refuse to have your child if you ask them?

mrsjay · 31/05/2013 13:58

have you asked your inlaws to have your son ? did they refuse because they had the other LO or have you not even asked them

mrsjay · 31/05/2013 13:58

oh Xpost usual

Original poster
MaddyM · 31/05/2013 13:58

The marriage has not just broken up. It happened a long time ago and everyone was very supportive of her.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 31/05/2013 13:58

Maybe they enjoy having him.

mrsjay · 31/05/2013 13:59

so you think your sister inlaw is a rubbish parent then is that what you are saying maybe the woman is knackered maybe the gp love having him have you asked or spoken to them about it

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 31/05/2013 14:00

YABU

Try being a single parent - it sucks. You have naff all time to yourself, especially when they are really young, it's exhausting, it's 24/7 with no-one there with you.

''Every time we need our son looked after (which frankly isn't often), they've already got my nephew''

Well perhaps they are not looking after him under duress? Perhaps they can see how difficult it is for their daughter and want to help her. Perhaps they want to make sure that the little boy has a loving family unit.

I should keep biting that tongue if I were you.