To consider marrying this man?

[PotentialTrophyWife]

Bit of an unusual one, so I have name changed.

I am a never married, childless woman, coming to the end of healthy fertility. I've been in relationships, but never found the one. Don't believe in soul mates or anything like that and have a very practical approach to dating and love.

I'm from a modest working class background, but university educated and have a reasonable income, which I obviously would like to be more.

I had always wanted to get married and have children, but it just never happened. And I thought it wasn't going to, until this offer came along.

My best friend from university has asked me to marry him. We've kept in great touch all these years, and we enjoy each others company immensely. We have holidayed together as friends in the past and I value him a person. There's just not romance. But I would consider marrying for companionship in old age.

However, his offer is a little more enticing than just companionship. He is from a very upper class background and marrying him would basically render me a kept woman. I'd keep my job obviously, but I would be living in luxury. He has property all over the world and we'd be living in a country estate in England. I could have anything I wanted if I accept his offer.

He's asked me to look at this like a business arrangement, neither of us want to enter old age alone and we are great friends.

If companionship was all this was, I'd probably say yes straight away. The extreme wealth and lifestyle change is what is holding me back. I would be mortified if someone suggested I was a gold digger.

Does anybody have any experiences of marrying for reasons other than love? Arranged marriages and such? This feels like I'm arranging my own arranged marriage!

It's better to marry a long life friend than a short term sex fling partner.

So yes!

Do it and relax in the knowledge that you know this person well, like this person and will hopefully continue into old age still having things to talk about.

Don't be daft, nbk, nobody said unmarriageable. Just that the OP has kind of misunderstood the idea of a "trophy wife", which tends to be young, possibly dim, but definitely arm-candy.

What she's actually probably being asked to be is a beard.

Not at all, nfk, but let's face it, at that age, having never had children, as they are marrying to conceive, it's at best a crapshoot, and if this man has such a business head, surely he's twigged that much.

Maybe he's secretly in love with her.

Has Penny Vincenzi seen this thread? Sounds just like one of hers...

Or asked to send an outline draft to the agent, BOF.

Let's see: 'One Day' meet 'Jane Eyre' meets the real life 3rd/4th/whatever Countess Spencer.

Oh, pick up that stupid Discover of Witches trilogy. There's some good bunkum in there.

Please come back, Op! I desperately want this to be real!

It doesn't sound any different to a good arranged marriage tbh, or a very Victorian arrangement.

Honestly? I'd say what is proposed in the OP sounds like a better basis for a marriage than most.

I thought that in the age of civil partnerships and enlightenment, beard arrangements were only for ageing Hollywood actors.

At first I was going to advise caution. Because if you have to ask and are not sure then usually the answer is don't. But I think the country estate and the living in luxury would sway me. Sorry, but I'm just being honest.

Just do it.

I had a proposal like that, very wealthy man who wanted children (said so himself, he had never married). He was 45 and I was 22 (he could have been my father). He was good looking, etc. but always busy with work (I met him through work). I said no. I also thought 'there must be something wrong with him otherwise why is he not even divorced at that age'?

I am glad I didn't marry him because I met my DH, to me he is the most handsome man ever, he is Jewish and I love his curly hair and everything about him. He is not wealthy don't believe the stereotype people but he is truly the best thing ever happened to me.

Still, sometimes one wonders what if, money doesn't bring you happiness they say, but I don't think wealthy people envy someone on benefits...

Clanger, but perhaps he needs the beard arrangement (now there's an idea for the wedding flowers) due to some dastardly codicil in a will somewhere? (Caveat: I've only encountered the word "codicil" in trashy novels so have no idea whether I'm using it properly.)

PotentialTrophyWife - not sure if you are stil on the thread but a serious word about the money.

It is extremely unlikley the man yOu are talking about actually owns any of the property. It is extremely likely, indeed and absolute certainty, the property is owned by a trust and he only has a right to use it at the discretion of trustees. His personal income probaly also comes from other trusts again at the discretion of trustees.

These arrangments are very comon with aristocratic families to shelter an dprotect wealth form inheritance tax and claims form third parties - siuch as you.

If you do have a child he could very well argue he has no property and no income and you wil get no maintainence at all. He no doubt would claim the child or children woudl be better provided for living with him.

I know cases where this exact scenario has happened on MN.

That's certainly food for thought from MoreBeta - could affect the entire plan/plot (depending on whether genuine).

Another question, although you do seem to have gone: you've kept in "great touch" with him all through the years, even been on holiday with him. Has he had any other relationships during those years?

OP, if this is RL and not a plot for a novel, please return and tell us what he thinks is in it for him - companionship with an old mate, yes, but what else? Because there must be more of a reason for this marriage of convenience than that.

You hold a candle for him - does he for you? What if you get married but six months later he's met the love of his life and ditches you? What if you meet the love of yours and ditch him? What if you discover he's really into some sex thing that really turns you off?

Personally I think friendship is a great starting point for a relationship - I was friends with dh for ages before I fell for him (apparently he had intentions all along... not that I realised!). And money definitely helps - being unhappy in comfort is yards better than being unhappy in poverty.

But there's something you aren't telling us, or he isn't telling you...

Expat is on fire on his thread

Yes I would do it if I wanted children. At your age and this is not at all meant to sound bitchy, you have to be realisti about your fertility. It really doesn't last forever and you need to move in the next year or 2 if you are to stand a good chance of conceiving.

Having said that, he's wealthy, I'm assuming you ould afford IVF, fertility treatment etc should you not able to conceive.

I'd go for it! The life style you describe sounds amazing and imagine the privilages your children will have.

A lot of marriages have no where near the basis you already have with this man. As many people have already said, the spark and lust doesn't last long and it's not the important part of a marriage. I've been married 7 yrs and been with him for 11 years. We were best friends at college and never really went through that hands all over each other phase, BUT he made me laugh, he respected me, he is gentle and loving and kind and to me this is all that matters. 7 years on and I still adore him for providing and giving everything he has to me and his children. It doesn't need to be all flowers and romance. I know all that crap fades and if the underlying companionship isn't there, the marriage is doomed. I love that I married my one true friend.

Marry him.

I would, as long as you don't mind potentially losing him as a friend..

ArthurCucumber - you make a very good point about the 'codicil'.

The couple who bought my father's farm about 20 years ago were only able to buy it by using money from a trust that was only released to the woman in the couple if she got married. They were living together for some years but had finally got formally married in order to be able to access the money.

PotentialTrophyWife - I am not in any way suggesting this man is up to no good. He may be absoluetly genuine and you both clearly like and know each other well. However, you MUST protect your interests with a very good lawyer before you get married.

Please find a very good STEP lawyer who is an expert in trust and estate matters. You can search for one near you from that link. I have created complex trusts and Wills and use a STEP lawyer myself and thay are worth every penny in cases like this.

Good luck and hope it all turns out well for you both.

This scenario definitely sounds like the plot of one of those free kindle downloads - however, it is real, marry him, enjoy a life of luxury and perhaps have the baby you want before Mother Nature says no. It's a no-brainer if you like him, fancy him, get on well with him and he is rich! Even if he has a willy like a peeled prawn and the sexual technique of an inept sea slug.