To be fed up with having to always make the effort if I want to meet up with anybody?

[DogCatDogCatDog]

I probably am being unreasonable but I just needed a rant.

I really am getting fed up with always being the one to make the effort with friends, and this works both ways whether they have initiated a meet up or I have.

A few days ago a friend asked me if I wanted to go out on Sunday night (last night) to get something to eat. I said yes, I was definitely up for it. We didn't arrange a specific time to meet as neither of us were sure exactly what we were up to yesterday during the day, so I text her at about midday asking if we were still on for last night, and got no reply. I waited several hours until around 4pm and really wanted to find out what we were doing. I tried to call her, and she didn't answer her phone, so I sent a Facebook message and got a reply 'Sorry, I'm a bit tired now, do you mind if we give it a miss tonight?'.

Other times friends will invite me out, or to lunch, and then when I contact them to confirm they will have forgotten. Or other times the planned meet will go ahead but it's always up to me to chase people up. If I don't, then I'd never go to anything or meet anybody.

Then I find when I try to initiate meets I am also the one doing all the organising. No one will ever contact me to ask if we're all still meeting up, and if I didn't do the contacting then again I just would never meet with anyone. About 3 weeks ago I arranged a get together for next weekend with some old friends. I know that unless I contact them all this week and confirm/book taxis then no one will contact me.

Does anyone else have the same problem in friendships? I'm really quite cross about my friend yesterday, as she suggested it, and she is out meeting friends tonight. She has suggested re-arranging but again I know that if I do not make the effort and suggest a day to reschedule for then it just won't happen!

I mean your friends may be like me.
I have no idea if she would like me!

I don't have the emotional capacity I don't think to have a full on daily friendship iyswim
No, I don't think I do either Lavender, there are many days when I really don't want to talk to anyone at all! I'm a bit of a strange and antisocial bugger though, so I know a lot of people aren't like that at all.

I too don't want the full on friendships that some women seem to have. I wouldn't have the time or the inclination for that.

My mil manages her friendships very well, and it was watching her relax with a few women she had known all her life that made me think she must be a lovely person if only we could get past the dil/mil thrown together and who knew best:)

She doesn't do texting, fb, email, one women pops in for coffee nearly every morning ( mil works from home) for 30 mins, occasional invites, but its all so calm iyswim.

People are often disappointed by me, I think. I am quite happy to do things like shopping for clothes etc alone, dont need advice on hairstyles, have travelled around so much I have had to manage so I feel uncomfortable with the dependence some women require and don't understand I don't want that from them.

I have stopped bothering for so many friends because of their unreliability. I just do things on my own these days. It's far easier.

I found that lots of people were unreliable with me, but still seemed perfectly happy and able to have a good social life and to meet up with other people, but were forever cancelling on me. So I simply stopped making any contact with these people. A couple picked up on this, and started to work a bit harder for my friendship. Others drifted away, which was ok with me.

I also had one friend who would always forget plans with me, despite having a diary and usually writing everything in it. I decided to do the same as her and forget a meet she had suggested and she threw her toys out of her pram and went mad at me, so that was that friendship over too. And tbh it was a relief.

Can I join in this thread although I appreciate it was started a little while ago. I recently contacted 2 old friends used to be my best friends just the 3 of us. I had my kids quite a lot sooner than them and i kind of got left aside while they got on with socialising/further education with other people i didn't know. Whilst i changed nappies and paid bills and got on with married life i saw them once in a blue moon when they would pop round for a cuppa. Eventually they stopped altogether and didn't see them for a few years.
Had a bit of a health scare so thought i would make the effort to get a life outside of just being mum/wife again. However all i have done is chase them, they were happy to come around my house for a chat/kids to play but since then they are both too busy to pin down. Seeing as one is a SAHM I get the impression its' not because they are busy but because they would rather see someone else. Not once have i been invited to their houses. Seems to be the only option is to come to mine or meet in a public place. So far out of about 10 attempts i have managed to get 1 of my friends around my house twice in the space of roughly 4 months the other only once and only for an hour. I managed to get a date for a night out with them only to be told after me double checking it was still going ahead that they can't do it now.
I don't have any other friends only people i know though my kids who i don't have anything in common with to be fair. So i either keep trying or give up on having any friends. It would be just nice to have a night out with some other couples ect but nobody is interested or already does it with others.

This is such an interesting thread which resonates with so many of us. I know it’s a zombie thread but I wondered
have things improved @DogCatDogCatDog ?