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Original poster

To think fuck off with your competitive parenting!

228 replies

HandbagCrab · 27/05/2013 11:41

Ds and I were looking at a bird in an enclosure at an animal centre. Ds can say duck for all birds but I was trying to see if I could get him to say bird too (he's 18 months). This woman spies us and brings her child and parks her buggy next to us so they are practically touching (there's lots of space so this was unnecessary).

She's all 'what colours can you see in the partridge's tail, Jocasta? (Jocasta names some colours) Very good, can you see any other colours too?' in a loud parenting voice.

I feel it's just another bloody example of competitive, constant comparison between dc and I'm so tired of it. I get people are insecure, but why should they get validation from my child because theirs can 'do' more than mine? I know it's not a big deal, but I find these little comparisons happening all the time and this is just the latest and most ridiculous of the lot.

I just walked away from partridge-worrying mum, what do you do with the competitive buggers?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2013 19:47

There's no support group but you can probably do a course on it and take an exam in shouty, boasty performance parenting and get a certificate at the end. Grin

pinkballetflats · 27/05/2013 19:56

Well, if you can get a degree in Klingon..... Grin

In all seriousness though, I do wonder how much of what we perceive in life is actually as we perceive it and how much is coloured by our own experiences, background, culture, temperament, mood at the time...etc etc...

CombineBananaFister · 27/05/2013 20:27

Thankyou! handbagcrab(been at work). waddya know, he was right hahaha!
In balance, I Came home to him trying to eat a playdoh sandwich today though, so it's clearly just bursts of brilliantness hah! Grin

Shallistopnow · 27/05/2013 20:37

I find loud parenting annoying and I think its a bit sad really. It also produces irritating little upstarts.

RubyOnRails · 27/05/2013 20:55

The worst I do in public is standing and dispatching child (3) to collect all the stuff for basket....then he wheels it sound after me like a personal shopper. I don't educate him loudly but yes, he knows where the broccoli and avocado is kept and I mooch along with him. He thunjs its like a big treasyre hunt. sometimes. Even ask him what we need haha...luckiky he's a health freak.

That's probably loud parenting in some eyes, in my world it's laziness. :)

Kiwiinkits · 27/05/2013 22:13

I am so sick of reading about 'loud parenting' when what it inevitably adds up to is decent and engaged parenting.

^^ THIS

Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2013 22:15

But why does 'decent and engaged' have to be so LOUD?

hazeyjane · 27/05/2013 22:22

Like others, I just don't seem to see the 'people glancing around to see others reactions' loud/performance parenting that is always talked about on these threads.

Maybe I do it, that's why i don't notice. I don't look around for approval, but I probably do talk a bit over loudly and animatedly, and maybe get a bit carried away!

DogCatDogCatDog · 27/05/2013 22:44

This thread really made me laugh today!

We went to a museum and I was sitting down mumsnetting whilst DH and DS were looking at something, and I read this thread. DH then came to find me and we walked off to look at something else...

Only to be stood next to a woman with two very young girls, I'd say they were 4 and 6, explaining things to them in great detail as if they were studying for a degree in the subject. She was talking very loudly, looking around at others whilst she spoke. Funniest thing was, both girls really didn't give a shit about what she was talking about (space related, something about the Russians did this, that and the other) and weren't really taking any notice of her.

Definitely a competitive parent!

Tubemole1 · 27/05/2013 23:03

When dh was small, I noticed the local mums in my area had competitive parenting down to an art form.

"Oh yes, Tabitha is only three, but I made sure she passed her grade two piano, such a stress, but she did it. She also is doing marvellously at gymnastics and has just written her first 100 word essay. Kids can be such a handful can't they?" (for example)Angry

My daughter was born early and at first was way behind the other kids in development and I felt lacking as a mum. But my mum told me, she's only 2/3/4 let her play and be happy and safe, that's all they need. Now she has caught up and more, and I am very proud of her achievements, despite never learning to play piano or attend a single gymnastics class. Smile

We talk loads. At zoos, museums etc, I point out the interesting bits. If she's interested, she'll ask questions. If not, we move on. But if a CP comes up to us to boast, we just look at each other and find something else to look at! These people annoy me as they are SO insecure!Grin

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 28/05/2013 00:53

I think her competitive parenting only bothered yo cos you lost.

NapaCab · 28/05/2013 05:44

Tricky one to judge here - she might have just been trying to engage with her child and happened to stand near you. I 'loud-parent' intensely if I sense that DS is about to have a meltdown. I'm just trying to distract him from his impending tantrum but it probably sounds like I'm overdoing it to anyone who doesn't know me. Maybe her DD was about to have a tantrum or just had one and she was trying to distract her?

Sometimes I loud-parent because I'm talking to myself out of sheer boredom.

I'll walk around the supermarket with this continuous monologue:
'Now, Tarquin*, what else do we need for dinner tonight? Fennel? That's right - where's that? Look, there it is. We need two bulbs of it. And then some blueberries for you, because you like your blueberries don't you?' and on and on and on... I am sure anyone listening to me hates me but I'm just trying to keep myself awake and stave off a screaming fit from DS who gets bored easily.

  • Not my son's real name... Grin
Pinkflipflop · 28/05/2013 05:56

So jocorta (or whatever it was) can recognise colours and knows what a partridge is?!

So bloody what?

Relax - why are you getting so worked up?

MyBaby1day · 28/05/2013 06:06

I've seen this loud parenting thing but I was in town just walking along on my phone a few months back and a lot of teenagers were all shouting, talking really loud etc., I refused to be their audience (instead they became mine), when I acted like no-one else was there and (I'm bi-lingual) spoke really loudly in another language!. There was silence! Grin.

Oscalito · 28/05/2013 06:52

I also think it's great to engage your kids - I do it myself - but what I find a bit tiresome are the Performance Parents who raise their voices so everyone can hear their little educational speeches. It's as if they are more concerned with what other parents think than in engaging their own kids. It just comes across as a bit fake.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2013 08:03

Yes the volume is key. It is possible to engage with your DC without everyone else hearing it.

DrCoconut · 28/05/2013 08:22

I talk to DS2 a lot while out and always have done. But he is a chatterbox too now he's old enough and talks about everything he sees. He's 2. Yesterday he had shorts on and announced to everyone on the bus that he likes his legs!

arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2013 08:26

Spot on whitebird. op and other lady were doing exactly the same thing. I imagine most parents who complain of others being competitive, are competitive themselves but 'lost' in that situation.

Salbertina · 28/05/2013 08:32

All i can say is "you aint seen nothing yet" if you seriously think, on reflection, that's competitive parenting! Wait till school with all its testing/sports days/school run niggles..

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2013 08:33

And then wait for High School where nobody gives a shiny shite. Grin

Cat98 · 28/05/2013 08:41

I think some of your assumptions are wrong.
My mum could be thought of as a typical 'loud grandparent' but I can assure you she isn't doing it for anyone else's benefit - she really doesn't care what anyone else thinks and doesn't notice how loud she is! It's all just for ds's benefit!
I talk to my ds a bit like jocasta's mum sometimes too but try and do it quietly - I've lurked on enough of these threads to know if there's an mn-er nearby I'll be crucified!

megandraper · 28/05/2013 08:48

I have never seen a 'competitive parent' though it's fun hearing stories about them. People probably think I am one. My kids talk a lot, and we all have loud voices (because I am deaf). It has never occurred to me to worry whether I have stood too close to another parent/child combo!

ShadeofViolet · 28/05/2013 08:50

I probably 'loud parent'.

But in my defense I am a talker anyway, so I whitter on in general. Also I like sharing information, so if we go to a museum and I know something about the history, I will tell DS because that is the way people learn.

But I dont care if other people can here me, its not for their benefit, but my own children.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2013 08:50

My Mum is deaf in one ear, she probably does loud grandparenting. Grin But not in a boasty way.

ShadeofViolet · 28/05/2013 08:51

Is there a term for children who are loud and talk about stuff all the time? My DD is one of those. She gave us a 5 minute chat about the flamingos at the zoo, very loud and most of it quite made up.