Ds and I were looking at a bird in an enclosure at an animal centre. Ds can say duck for all birds but I was trying to see if I could get him to say bird too (he's 18 months). This woman spies us and brings her child and parks her buggy next to us so they are practically touching (there's lots of space so this was unnecessary).
She's all 'what colours can you see in the partridge's tail, Jocasta? (Jocasta names some colours) Very good, can you see any other colours too?' in a loud parenting voice.
I feel it's just another bloody example of competitive, constant comparison between dc and I'm so tired of it. I get people are insecure, but why should they get validation from my child because theirs can 'do' more than mine? I know it's not a big deal, but I find these little comparisons happening all the time and this is just the latest and most ridiculous of the lot.
I just walked away from partridge-worrying mum, what do you do with the competitive buggers?
AIBU?
To think fuck off with your competitive parenting!
HandbagCrab · 27/05/2013 11:41
I worry I do this - I talk to DS (22 months) a lot when we're out as I'm trying to get his speech up a bit. I look around, but in a "shit, are people looking at me, do I sound like a twat?" shifty way rather than a "look at meeeeeee" way. 
I'm not worried about ds' walking and talking. I've done research and everything is perfectly normal and his vocab from an online thing I did is actually good for his age. Thanks for the concern though 
I am a frustrated competitive parent. My DCs are all doing well at school now but to my intense irritation no-one asks me their grades or reading levels!!! 
When they were babies/toddlers, they were late: sitting up, sleeping through the night, rolling over, getting teeth, babbling, eating proper food, talking, walking, potty training, getting dressed, dry at night, riding bikes . . . have I forgotten anything? Well you name it they were crap at it, and I had to endure all and sundry saying "Are they doing xxxx yet?" and me smiling and shrugging and saying "Um, nooooo," and them replying "Ah well never mind, they all get there in the end, hahahaha."
Reading, writing and numbers, however, they are all good at. The trouble is, by the time they get to the age those things matter no one compares any more, the hormones have all drained out and everyone's gone back to being sensible. 
Most disappointing for those of us with late developers who were desperate to join the competitive parenting party but it's too late, all that's left is some soggy crisps and the Lambrusco.
"By making the engagement of your child/ren the performance automatically others become the audience, which they didn't sign up to do."
How do you imagine that works?
People can perform to their hearts content, but nobody can force you to become their audience.
Just ignore them if they are bothering you.
The vast, vast majority of people do not care whether you are listening ti them.
OP take heart that Jocasta eats bogies like all toddlers
Just disengage with fretting about what other parents do - its much easier.
YANBU about competitive parenting but it depends on what you mean. I can see how the scenario you give may or may not have been competitive parenting TBH. I wont go over all the reason why but people have covered it. I think you would have had to be there to know.
I hate competitive parenting and as my children are now a bit older I have learnt not to take part. After all its not a competition if there is only one person competing. 
I have a few acquaintances/friends who do this and I have called them up on it at times.
My most recent experience was a 'friend' having worked out my DD may not have sat the level 3 Maths SATs for year 2 . DD came out of school saying she and 7 other children had been taken out of the class to do an activity in another class whilst the rest did a test on maths. I figured it must be the level 3 maths and as I know DD struggles with maths that made sense. The next morning I bump into the said friend. She asks me if DD had been taken out of the class with X,Y AND z. I said yes why? She then starts going on about how that is what her DD had told her and it must have been due to the rest of the class taking the level 3 SATs. 
I have no idea why this woman cares what my DD is doing and what she was hoping to gain but there you go. This is the same woman who took my DD out to the cinema and came back to say they has practiced maths whilst out and she was "so surprised" her DD could do sums that mine couldn't. They were 4 at the time!
I have another acquaintance who every time I see her tells me how "they are flying" with her DD as she is 2 years ahead and is absolutely convinced of a place at the local highly competitive grammar school. The girl is 7 years old FGS!
You will come across more and more of it as time goes on. Most of the time its best to just smile and nod. It says much more about them and their insecurities.
Me too... 'indoor voices, please!'... brilliant.
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I know where you're coming from but don't think interactive/loud parenting is always intended to be performance parenting.
I've been on the receiving end of the rolled eyes and smug accusatory glances when out with Ds when he says something smart and it's not nice. It's not a stealth boast either as he's no genius child he's just very good with numbers/shapes. I almost feel embarassed and like I can't praise him because of peoples sarcasticness.
E.g. Last week in Disney store
Ds: 'hey mum this is a dodecahedron isn't it?'
que snidey comments: 'really? as, if, bet he was told to say that etc' with eye-rolls
me: Ermm, yeah (Not something he's learnt from me)
If they'd seen him 2 mins earlier trying to eat bubbles out of a blower in a toyshop it would've been entirely different.
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