To think fuck off with your competitive parenting!

[HandbagCrab]

Ds and I were looking at a bird in an enclosure at an animal centre. Ds can say duck for all birds but I was trying to see if I could get him to say bird too (he's 18 months). This woman spies us and brings her child and parks her buggy next to us so they are practically touching (there's lots of space so this was unnecessary).

She's all 'what colours can you see in the partridge's tail, Jocasta? (Jocasta names some colours) Very good, can you see any other colours too?' in a loud parenting voice.

I feel it's just another bloody example of competitive, constant comparison between dc and I'm so tired of it. I get people are insecure, but why should they get validation from my child because theirs can 'do' more than mine? I know it's not a big deal, but I find these little comparisons happening all the time and this is just the latest and most ridiculous of the lot.

I just walked away from partridge-worrying mum, what do you do with the competitive buggers?

[tangstar]

I think the thing to remember is - ask your children questions only when you actually need to know the answer. Kids aren't stupid - I remember my mum asking dd what the cow says and dd just giving her a cynical look which said "you know perfectly well what the cow says."

[alienbanana]

I used to do this at the zoo... 'do you know what that bird us, DS?' Mostly because when DS said kookaburra it came out very very wrong

[retiredgoth2]

...and I snarl whenever I hear the loudly exclaimed exhortation 'Indoor voices please!'

Take your own advice, fuckbrain...

[gordyslovesheep]

I may have asked her what we needed to buy - yes - it's called chatting while you do a dull shop and try and make it fun

[MarianaTrench]

Does anyone actually know children called Jocasta or Tarquin?

[KatoPotato]

Hate hate hate the term 'loud parent' When you're spending a long day with DC it's great to get some two-way communication. We took DS (2.5) to a family gala day and there was pavement chalks for the children to use and some pre-drawn hopscotch grids (?) on the street (closed off)

DS wanted to draw his own 'without a french 7' and proceeded to do so. There was another family next to us and the Mum was loudly saying 'French 7? French 7?' in a horrid snarky way to her DH.

I think that's horrid and unfair, he loves numbers and writing and he could clearly hear her.

I think my DS is amazing and I'm proud of him, and yes I took him to museums and places when he was young and we'd talk about the birds and their names and colours, because he was my only company on maternity leave and I'd go demented otherwise.

[juicypair]

...or said: "you might want to not stand so close, my kid's got nits".

[Chottie]

Not personally, but I can assure you that they are both alive and well and living within easy driving distance of a certain Waitrose in SE London

[Dawndonna]

This sort of parenting does exist. My mother did it.
I had a friend who when anyone started near hers, would say to the youngest: 'Can you say Prehistoric Monster, Gerald'? No, didn't think so, and walk off!

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

I used to talk to DD1 round the shop too.

I was a single parent and was going slightly mad. But I do get complimented on her vast range of vocabulary :o twas a bit of a fluke tbh.

[edam]

Kato, seriously, there's a marked difference between people who are talking to their kids quite naturally and loud parenting. Honestly. No-one objects to parents talking to their kids. (Well done your ds on spotting the French seven, btw.)

[NorthernLurker]

Considering my oldest child is 15 and we are devotees of the museum/zoo/interesting place trail it's rather odd then that I can't recall seeing this.

[edam]

(And I probably do irritate people when we go to the zoo and someone calls the gorillas monkeys - sorry but I can't help myself pointing out to ds that they are apes - it's just something that I can't stand. Not entirely sure why, but I can't stop myself.)

[KatoPotato]

Thanks edam, I never knew what a french seven was until he told me! (His papa told him)

We once went to the aquarium and he kept telling me every fish was bigger or smaller than a 'blue fin TOONA' no idea where that came from?

[Fakebook]

How old was Jocasta? If he was 3 then it can't really be competitive parenting can it. That's a big age gap and I'd expect a 3 year old to know a majority of colours.

Sometimes when we're out dd asks me to tell her about space or bones or the moon because she's genuinely interested. I then ask her questions to see what she thinks of what I've told her. I must have walked past tonnes of people who must think I'm being a bloody weirdo for talking to my 5 year old about femurs, clavicles and tides.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

And I probably do irritate people when we go to the zoo and someone calls the gorillas monkeys - sorry but I can't help myself pointing out to ds that they are apes - it's just something that I can't stand. Not entirely sure why, but I can't stop myself.)

We were at some of the stupidity we heard at monkeyworld, a parent saying to his child 'a lot of these monkeys come from abroad'.

[HandbagCrab]

She made a beeline for us, honestly she could have got her toddler to talk eloquently about partridges for about ten feet, she didn't have to stand next to us. And I was talking to my child too (y'know 'ds, look at the bird, isn't it beautiful' etc) for our own sake though. I'm not judging her for what she said, I'm pissed off with her for trying to make it a competition. If she'd not stood directly next to me and loud parented I would never have known about it and she could have happily advanced her toddler all day and I could have wandered round failing to get ds to say bird and no one else would be any the wiser.

The toddler wasn't called Jocasta it just fitted :)

[elQuintoConyo]

Yesterday I had: "Our 2yo ds can count to ten in English (we're abroad) and knows all the colours, too! He learns so much from the iPad".
While my 18mo ds is running around the park like a Tasanian Devil, eating sand and has just learnt to say 'shoe'.
Outside I just smiled politely. Inside I giggled like Micheal Jackson and shouted 'whoopee shit!' It doesn't bother me much, makes me feel sad for that person - DFs are just as bad. I know my son is beautiful and talented and lively and funny plus he's growing up in a tri-lingual place which will trounce your fucking colours to dust ahem

[PollyPlummer]

My name is Polly and I am a loud parent, its the only way I can get them to behave in public. Sometimes I annoy myself but it beats tantrums running off and general toddler mischief.
I have however been on the receiving end of competitive parenting at a playgroup, another parent kept on asking what my dts were doing developmentally then saying oh little what ever his name is has being doing that for yonks but he is ever so advanced. It went on for ages, we didn't actually get to see any of his super advanced skills - her ds was too busy licking walls and eating paint just like my basic bog standard toddlers

[cory]

So on the evidence:

"Ds can say duck for all birds but I was trying to see if I could get him to say bird too (he's 18 months)."

OP is encouraging ds to give an answer to something she didn't need to know and he hadn't thought of spontaneously telling her.

"She's all 'what colours can you see in the partridge's tail, Jocasta?"

Here we see Jocasta's mum doing exactly the same thing. The only difference seems to be that Jocasta knows a few more words.

[SirChenjin]

No, the difference is that Jocasta's mum felt it necessary to stand right beside the OP and parent loudly.

There is a vast, vast difference between having a conversation with your child and loud parenting of the overly intensive type which is designed to show other parents how much of the right stuff your child knows.

[stepawayfromthescreen]

I'm immune to all this nonsense now I'm on our third child.
It's so irrelevant what stage they're at.
I had a late talker. Didn't say a word until she was 3.
Now predicted A* for English GCSE and many of her early talking friends are decidedly average at English and the spoken word.
In ten years you'll cringe with embarrassment at how utterly irrelevant this competitive parenting malarkey really is.

[WafflyVersatile]

I kind of do the opposite. I have a friend who is always fretting about the lack of development from her youngest. The oldest was always way ahead you see so there must be something wrong with this perfectly normal child. I always point out that my favourite nieces who are 6 months older than both of hers respectively are much further behind!

[nenevomito]

she made a beeline for us

Gosh, are you really so special that people want to come and stand next to you, or do you think (more likely) that she wanted to go and look at the partridge?

You were trying to get your kid to say 'bird', she was talking about colours. Both as bad - or good, depending on how you look at it - as each other.

[SirChenjin]

Agree Stepaway - the joy of the third child! I'm much too old to worry about competitive parenting now, it's fab.