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AIBU?

To think fuck off with your competitive parenting!

228 replies

HandbagCrab · 27/05/2013 11:41

Ds and I were looking at a bird in an enclosure at an animal centre. Ds can say duck for all birds but I was trying to see if I could get him to say bird too (he's 18 months). This woman spies us and brings her child and parks her buggy next to us so they are practically touching (there's lots of space so this was unnecessary).

She's all 'what colours can you see in the partridge's tail, Jocasta? (Jocasta names some colours) Very good, can you see any other colours too?' in a loud parenting voice.

I feel it's just another bloody example of competitive, constant comparison between dc and I'm so tired of it. I get people are insecure, but why should they get validation from my child because theirs can 'do' more than mine? I know it's not a big deal, but I find these little comparisons happening all the time and this is just the latest and most ridiculous of the lot.

I just walked away from partridge-worrying mum, what do you do with the competitive buggers?

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Cat98 · 28/05/2013 08:53

Shadeofviolet - I don't know but my ds is one - he probably gets it from my mum - see previous post!

ShadeofViolet · 28/05/2013 08:54

I sign with DS2, as well as speak loudly and clearly, so I am probably Uber Loud Parent!

BelleJolie · 28/05/2013 09:02

I really hate the condemnation of parents interacting with their child, regardless of the 'way' the parent is doing it, or how loud it is etc. Interaction, even if it is what some may call (but may not be) performance / loud / competitive parenting, is far better for the child than not!

We were at Heathrow recently, having just finished a 24 hour flight. DS, who is not yet two, was on the verge of an over-tired meltdown. So, while DH was grabbing the cases, I distracted DS by asking him to spot the blue case, the red case etc. Anyone listening would have judged me a competitive parent I'm sure, assuming I was doing it for their benefit or to show off DS to them (a tad egocentric on their behalf, perhaps???) but the only thing I was thinking of was trying to avoid a screaming child in the middle of Heathrow. And it worked. So judgers can go judge all they like :)

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2013 09:04

I don't think anyone would notice anything when waiting at the luggage carousel. Just waiting to grab their case and get out of there asap.

BelleJolie · 28/05/2013 09:09

Well hopefully that would be the...er...case, sparklingbrook :) (terrible, sorry). Seems some people are very sensitive to any whiff of interaction that looks like competitive parenting, though, so I wouldn't put it past some people...

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2013 09:11

There are many things that annoy me about folk at the luggage carousel Belle. Loud parenting not one of them.

HandbagCrab · 28/05/2013 09:24

As I have said repeatedly I talk to my ds, I don't shove a sausage roll in him as I gossip on my phone to keep him quiet. I even read him books out loud in the library (don't do voices though). What I don't do is stand up right next to another person and draw lots of attention to how well I am parenting by speaking over them and being in their personal space. I'm sure when you talk to your Jocasta about the history of fennel you don't expect everyone to stop what they are doing and bask in the glory that is your parenting? I don't think this is anything about kids btw, it's all about the parent.

Seems interesting no one has described how they loud parent (to avoid a tantrum) when choosing beans in aldi, trying on shoes in Primark, queuing in the post office or playing at the stay and play in the children's centre. All this loud parenting only seems to take place when in the fruit and veg aisle, at museums and after a long haul flight

OP posts:

hazeyjane · 28/05/2013 09:33

Oh I loud parent everywhere, don't worry, it just happens that my nearest supermarket is Waitrose!

I just don't do it for the benefit of anyone else but ds.

MiaowTheCat · 28/05/2013 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazeyjane · 28/05/2013 09:50

It's when it's done screechingly loud, with looks all around for eye contact from other parents to get them to acknowledge the fabulousness of what's going on that it crosses the line between interaction and a light spot of angling. We all know this line and people are doing their usual being intentionally dense routine about it.

I'm not being intentionally dense, I have just never seen anyone doing it.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 28/05/2013 10:05

The proximity to you could be down to herd instinct, like those people who in a public toilet with 20 empty cubicles in a row, choose the one next to you. Maybe they're performance pissers?

Or the fact that some people are drawn to whatever other people are looking at/doing - like when if you go into an empty restaurant, they sit you by the window to make it look busier, so more people will come in.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2013 10:28

And when in an empty car park with a bajillion free spaces some numpty will come and park right next to you Phat.

pinkballetflats · 28/05/2013 10:39

I can envision the line, Miaow, I've just never seen it - no attempt here to be intentionally dense, too much of a waste of effort.

SomethingOnce · 28/05/2013 11:14

Seems interesting no one has described how they loud parent (to avoid a tantrum) when choosing beans in aldi, trying on shoes in Primark, queuing in the post office or playing at the stay and play in the children's centre. All this loud parenting only seems to take place when in the fruit and veg aisle, at museums and after a long haul flight.

Ah, so are you saying it's mainly a middle class thing?

megandraper · 28/05/2013 11:19

It's when it's done screechingly loud, with looks all around for eye contact from other parents to get them to acknowledge the fabulousness of what's going on that it crosses the line between interaction and a light spot of angling. We all know this line and people are doing their usual being intentionally dense routine about it.

I'm not being intentionally dense, I have just never seen anyone doing it.

I have never seen anyone doing this either, hazey. I think that the people who THINK they are witnessing this, are possibly projecting their own insecurities. Not necessarily insecurities about their own parenting, but just about life in general. People who tend to think that other people are judging them/doing things to show them up/looking for their approval are often imagining it IMO. I'm other people, and we just aren't that interested. Really.

MummytoMog · 28/05/2013 11:31

I always do loud parenting when we're out, because my DD is speech delayed and a bit deaf. I probably would have asked her what colours she could see too, but then she's three and has been able to say bird for a bit now. I sort of worry that I'm being judged, but then I think fuck it, and carry on parenting as I see fit.

Side note (once, in Tesco, DD screamed 'Brioche mummy, DD wants yummy brioche' the entire way round. This would have been fine in Waitrose. In Tesco, I got JUDGED. Also, they had no brioche.)

BoffinMum · 28/05/2013 12:57

Speaking loudly in a pub once, DC3 announced, "I know I asked for this Broccoli and Cream Cheese Bake Mummy, but I am not that hungry, so is it OK if I just eat the broccoli?"

BoffinMum · 28/05/2013 12:58

Only to be bettered by the grandchild of one of my colleagues, who allegedly yelled that she wanted 'curly chaos' with her lunch. (curly kale)

megandraper · 28/05/2013 13:04

We have curly chaos every mealtime, BoffinMum. That would be 2yo DD who has curly hair...

FleurDuMal · 28/05/2013 13:51

I sometimes wonder whether there is a secret NVQ in parenting, and these mothers are trying to get evidence for it.

pinkballetflats · 28/05/2013 13:59

I once had to try to loud parent DC in Target (US department store). We were in the underwear section and he was animatedly pointing and shouting "Oobies, oobies!! Mummy!!! OOOOOOOBIES!!!!!!!!!." We lived in an area where a lot of people were very cat's-bum-face about breasts.....

HandbagCrab · 28/05/2013 14:05

Ha, ha fleur ! Maybe she was got up so close so I could easily sign an evidence statement for her portfolio :)

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theodorakisses · 28/05/2013 15:17

I can't abide loud parenting, yes mummy lady in Doha Ikea last Friday, I am looking at you. If your children are so intelligent they get bored in Ikea, leave them at home or a more stimulating environment, preferably in a different continent. And no, I don't want my chips counted, they are covered in child juice and bogeys now. Thanks a lot.

pinkballetflats · 28/05/2013 15:23

Theo - someone let their children count your chips? Touch your food?

theodorakisses · 28/05/2013 16:00

Yes but pushy expat mums are even madder in my experience.

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