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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think our neighbour shouldn't engage my 5 year old DD in conversation...

193 replies

Patiencedeficit · 25/05/2013 16:20

... when she is playing alone in our garden? He is an adult with his own children who live with his wife. He comes over to talk to DD whenever she is playing on the trampoline. It makes me feel very awkward. I have to watch like a hawk because I am so uncomfortable but I don't know what to do about it. Not sure if I'm over-reacting. What would you do?

OP posts:

MummaBubba123 · 26/05/2013 09:23

Screams off 'odd' to me.
I'd knock on when your daughter isn't with you. I'd even ask my partner to come with. I would politely say that you're teaching your child/ren not to talk to strangers and that he is a stranger. You're happy for her to speak to him when you are speaking to him but tell him that you're sure he'd understand about the importance of her not getting used to talking and playing with adults who her parents do not actually know.
Don't get dragged into conversations about neighbours not being strangers. Just say it's tricky to know where to draw the line there but that you HAVE drawn the line and are very uncomfortable for it to be crossed. You have explained to her that a friend is someone mummy has invited home very often for tea.

Cerisier · 26/05/2013 09:27

So would I Chewing.

Oscalito · 26/05/2013 09:52

The OP did go out as soon as she saw him on the trampoline, and called the daughter in. I think this was the best move as it sent a message to him that a) he was being observed and b) he wasn't going to be interacting with the daughter any more.

It's easy to say she should knock on the door etc but he may not do it again. And he may just be an idiot, and not realise how it looks.

The OP clearly watches her daughter when she's outside so the daughter is safe.

Floggingmolly · 26/05/2013 10:51

She didn't go out as soon as she saw the man on the trampoline, actually.

She posted on here for advice on what to do (!), and later justified this by saying she was busy feeding the baby.
That's what posters are reacting to; her complete non reaction to a stranger entering her garden and trampolining with her dd while she continued to watch through the window.

toffeelolly · 26/05/2013 10:56

Yes you have to say something, does not sound normal, talking ok coming into garden no.

pigletmania · 26/05/2013 11:49

Patience that's a big expectation of a five year old! Not all 5 year olds will think safety first and will have te confidence and social,maturity to deal with that situation. It's up to you to keep and eye out and if you see him doing this again, pull him up about it. If it does not stop go to the Police. It is trespassing, him letting himself in your private garden

Innacorner · 26/05/2013 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ezza1 · 26/05/2013 17:39

Good grief.

Cosydressinggown · 27/05/2013 13:58

Pictish there is really no need to be sarcastic.

I'm not even remotely fussed about whether the OP feels picked on because the majority of posters are shocked she let a strange man regularly talk to her daughter, let himself into their garden and then start playing on the trampoline with her, unsupervised.

I don't think that feeding a baby with one hand and typing on a computer with the other hand really makes her capable of also 100% watching her DD, either, who is - she admits - in an unsecured garden where a man she barely knows has just let himself in for a play!

It's ridiculous to scoff at people having more idea of what should have happened in a situation than the op who experienced the situation, unless you believe that all people are capable of making the best decision at all times, purely because they are there?!

In this case, if it's even a true story, I think the OP has spectacularly failed to protect her daughter and am not bothered about telling her what action I think she should take to help remedy this.

ItsallisnowaFeegle · 27/05/2013 15:27

Cosy Although I do agree that the OP should have reacted differently and immediately, I'd like to think she's realised this and if she hasn't ,after not only the great advice offered by many but the bashing she's taken, from many more, she's a fool

Let me quote you

"unless you believe that all people are capable of making the best decision at all times"

Support and guidance is always better than patronising and belittling, IMHO and IME.

littlediamond33 · 27/05/2013 15:31

Trust your instinct.

pictish · 27/05/2013 15:40

Climb out of your own anus Cosy.

xylem8 · 27/05/2013 16:03

patience please would you mind clarifying where the trampoline is ie front garden, back garden etc as I think this is very pertinent to the situation

Jan49 · 27/05/2013 17:09

I think we can assume from the OP's comment that about the postman delivering post that the garden is either open or in the front as it's one where you can't lock people out. So the neighbour presumably just walks through the front gate or wanders into the open garden. The DD could also walk out and anyone could walk in with the excuse that they were delivering a leaflet or advertising, so personally I'd want to try to have the trampoline somewhere safer or be out there with her even if there wasn't this issue with the neighbour.

Veryunsure · 27/05/2013 17:18

While it might be innocent, you said you felt there was something you couldn't put your finger on. I would trust my instincts over not wanting to make him feel awkward.

xylem8 · 27/05/2013 18:39

Engaging a neighbours child in conversation- fine and normal. But coming into the garden and bouncing with her on the trampoline is beyond odd!
Maybe grooming your DD - maybe trying to get a look in through the windows.Who knows!

TokenGirl1 · 27/05/2013 23:35

I think now is the time to talk to your dd about "stranger danger". I tell my 3 and 4 year olds " a stranger is someone who we don't go to their house and they don't come to ours". The essence of this is that it works both ways so that a window cleaner is still a stranger as he or she may come to our house but we don't go to his/hers.

I test my kids on this from time to time, saying "is Auntie B a stranger?" just to hammer it home. Why do I do this? Because my ds will chat to anyone and so the rule is now that we don't talk to strangers unless Mummy/Daddy is standing with you.

Even the 3 yo understands this concept.

Good luck OP. Trust your instincts...

pumpkinsweetie · 27/05/2013 23:43

If this isn't a wind up, then seriously this is bizarre behaviour. To talk to her is one thing, but to also get on the trampoline
I would not leave her unattended in the garden as your neighbour sounds to over friendly for my liking

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