to think our neighbour shouldn't engage my 5 year old DD in conversation...

[Patiencedeficit]

... when she is playing alone in our garden? He is an adult with his own children who live with his wife. He comes over to talk to DD whenever she is playing on the trampoline. It makes me feel very awkward. I have to watch like a hawk because I am so uncomfortable but I don't know what to do about it. Not sure if I'm over-reacting. What would you do?

[BoundandRebound]

Go round tonight and tell him not to let himself into your garden and that you find it intensely inappropriate as you don't know him.

[fastyspeedyfast]

Lordy, OP, this is not okay. Secure your garden and politely but firmly tell the neighbour to stay well away from your child.

Also, go to local police and ask them about this. Tell them who your neighbour is, and what's been going on. Not to make a complaint... but if there is a known reason to worry and he's breaking into gardens to access a child on her own... the police will want to know that.

There are innocent reasons he may be doing this (special needs?), but it is so unusual that you should take action.

[WuzzleMonkey]

I agree with going round and having a word...is there someone you can take with you if you feel nervous?

I think he's testing your boundaries here...and now he knows that you know he was in your garden playing with your DD, and you didn't challenge him. What will he do next time?

[Patiencedeficit]

Tatty you may be right... that did make me chuckle.

In all seriousness though why should I put a 6 foot fence up with a padlock? Don't tell me everyone on this thread has that? How does the postman get to your house? Or should I put a mailbox 80 feet from my house too?

I am concerned but I'm not going to head over to his house and bite the guy's head off. That would be unreasonable. If he ventures into the garden again or even to the end of the driveway then I will tell him.

[BsshBossh]

He is not your immediate next door neighbour, he is letting himself into your garden without your permission and without your presence, he is only interested in engaging with your DD and not you (?). This is not normal behaviour for an adult in this day and age. You need to take immediate steps to deal with it (and please secure your garden if you have a child playing there alone whilst you are distracted).

[StitchAteMySleep]

Talking to your child if immediate neighbour and known to you, fine.

Jumping the fence and bouncing on the trampoline, not on.

I would have told him in no uncertain terms to leave.

You must go round there and challenge him.

I would also consider applying to your local Police force for a disclosure under Sarah's Law, just to check if he has history. His behaviour is highly suspect.

[EnlightenedOwl]

I don't have children but yes I have high fences at the back and a gate which is locked. Its open access at the front so not as secure but you can't get "front to back.". Its for personal security - right now I'm "home alone" the front door is locked but back door wide open however I know the gate is locked no one can get in that way. Makes me feel more secure. To be honest with young children it also stops them getting out as much as anyone getting in..

[toiletbrush]

Anybody with an ounce of common sense would have gone straight out there when he entered your garden and bounced on the trampoline with dd. Instead you were writing posts on here...

[Floggingmolly]

Your letterbox is surely at your front door?
If you actually have a trampoline in your front garden, open to all comers, then what happened is a little though not much less odd than you made it sound.

[WeAreSix]

I wouldn't bite his head off, but I'd certainly be telling him firmly, but politely, not to come into your garden unless invited by an adult.

Is the trampoline in your back garden? How did he get in?

[Pagwatch]

This doesn't make sense now tbh.

Where is the trampoline?
I have a trampoline. To get to it you would have to go through the iron gates at the side of my house. The postman does not need to go through the gates as the letterbox is at the front door.

[scarletforya]

Agree with janey68 you don't need to state any reason to this man to not do this. Even if he's jusst socially inept and harmless it doesn't matter.

You need to just say to him as soon as next you can that you would prefer if he didn't come into the garden. Be firm but cordial. Don't say anything else just state that and stick to it.

What's the worst that could happen if you do that? He'll tell people you asked him not to come into your garden or some other version of that. So what. Let him. You can't have this man coming into your garden and playing and talking to your dd. You don't want it and that's enough of a reason.

I wouldn't care if the whole villiage ostracised me for this. If people did that then really would you want to live there. I really do get that it feels uncomfortable but you have no choice here, whatever the fall out you need to feel and be comfortable and safe in your own home and garden.

[Pagwatch]

Actually, as it hapens, I am The Queen of the World

[WeAreSix]

Pag

[NapaCab]

Hmm... what an awkward situation. All you can do now is make sure it doesn't happen again.

Have you had a 'stranger danger' talk with your DD to remind her to check with you before inviting people to play? I'm not saying she did invite him but it's a good idea to refresh her awareness on things like that. If nothing else, it will give her the confidence to say to this neighbour next time that she doesn't have permission to have him over without checking with you first.

[Mumsyblouse]

Man you don't know (at all) gets into your garden and goes on your trampoline with your 5 year old- why didn't you go out there immediately and say 'can I help you?' and give him a stare? I don't get this.

[Mumsyblouse]

And, it is not up to your dd to put up the boundaries, she is the child, he is the adult you must get out there and do it for her!

[ImperialBlether]

I'm just trying to imagine a situation where I look out of the window, see a man I barely know jumping on a trampoline with my little girl in my own garden, which he has no right to enter, and my first thought is to write a post on MN asking for advice.

[claig]

'I don't get this.'

Agree. Is it for real?

[Jestrin]

I'm not sure if the OP has dealt with it? Has she? If it were me, I'd be knocking on his door for a word.

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

It's not unusual to have access to the back garden from the front of the house? Unless you're in a terrace I guess.

[StitchAteMySleep]

No he isn't in the garden anymore, but why wait till next time to put boundaries in place? Surely if you speak to him now (and by challenging him I do not mean shouting the odds, just firmly tell him it is not appropriate), it may prevent it happening again.

Why risk your child's potential safety? You do not know his history, the next time she might decide to go with him if he invites her to leave with him. A 5 year old is not necessarily going to stay where you tell them. You might not notice him in there if you are doing something. It is not easy to think about the worst case scenario, but if it protects your child to acknowledge the possibility then it is worth it.

Even if I did order someone to do something (not that it was meant that way, more in an urging the OP to act kind of a way), they are individuals with free will and will do what they bally well like anyway!

[pigletmania]

It is very odd letting himself into talk to your dd. fine if he was walking past and said hello how are you, how's school etc. I would put a lock on your gate inyur garden so h cant get in