to think our neighbour shouldn't engage my 5 year old DD in conversation...

[Patiencedeficit]

... when she is playing alone in our garden? He is an adult with his own children who live with his wife. He comes over to talk to DD whenever she is playing on the trampoline. It makes me feel very awkward. I have to watch like a hawk because I am so uncomfortable but I don't know what to do about it. Not sure if I'm over-reacting. What would you do?

Where exactly is the trampoline? Back garden or front garden/side of house?

How many gates/entrances would this neighbour need to get through? Just the front gate (which the postman would also use) or a shut gate to the back garden that only your family would be expected to use?

what did I say?

thinking on that's true, if i saw a chap from next door on the trampoline with my child in my garden I'd be out the door like a whippet out of a trap

IMHO you aren't over reacting. This guy is pushing it. Getting on a trampoline with a small child, in someone else's garden, without asking anyone's permission is 100 % wrong and he knows it.

This in particular shows an odd pattern of behaviour
He comes over to talk to DD whenever she is playing on the trampoline. if he did it once or twice, ok, but that looks like a pattern...and your response.. It makes me feel very awkward. I have to watch like a hawk because I am so uncomfortable is telling you something.

I think you have to be very firm and follow your instincts. I'm not saying he's a definite risk but there is something iffy here that wants stopping.

I was groomed by a career paedophile btw....a friendly guy that all the kids loved.. :( my mother's instincts and her watchful eye saved me.

Go over this evening and tell him not to enter your garden without your - not your children's - permission again.

The thing with boundary pushers - of all shades of creepiness - is that they start off with something which takes you aback, but you can't really react to and then it becomes harder to address it because they can innocently claim they thought it was ok. They know that that claim will be running through the back of your mind and make it that bit harder to assert yourself next time.

You don't have to be rude or aggressive just "I saw you enter my garden and go on the trampoline this afternoon and I couldn't address it then because of the baby. Please don't do it again. I'm sure your motive was good but we like our private space to be respected, and our garden is part of that." Don't get any further drawn in.

This is a joke, right? This is a repeat of a thread a while ago.How exactly did he get in? Gate? Lock it. Do something for gods sake. Please tell me that this is a wind up and a troll.

It's all very odd.

Really?
Like I said, why are things always so complicated on MN? Why so much silent suffering and martyred rolling of eyes and expectation of telepathy?
My DS has real difficulty understanding social conventions, but he's learned because I've been explicit about it, in the same way that I teach children in school what is acceptable and what isn't.
Politely, calmly and unambiguously.
Molehills, not mountains.

Wow, I never expected so many harsh words for what seemed like a reasonable request for advice.
There are so many of you on this thread who jump to conclusions and feel like you have to criticise instead of simply offering good advice.
You don't know where I live, or the set up of my garden, or whether I had already been out to check on my DD. You'd just like to assume that I would rather sit on the computer rather than look after my children.
How many of you faced with an awkward situation know immediately how to approach it?
I'm so grateful to all of you who were sincerely helpful in your replies.
For the rest of you, I've ordered 8 foot high perimeter fences with barbed wire on top. I'll be getting a guard dog after I've called the police and I've told the paedophile across the road to f off.
All the same I'm pleased I stopped to think about it for a few minutes just in case he really was trying to be neighbourly.

Have you posted about this same problem before, as Oblomov seems to remember it?

'How many of you faced with an awkward situation know immediately how to approach it?'

Well, usually common sense is my first approach.

If he was being neighbourly, he would chat to you too and ask if you were ok with it as your DD is only 5. For you to look up and find him bouncing on the trampoline with her is just incredibly...odd.

OP

I do love a sassy response.

You have had a lot of sensible replies. Mine was fairly sensible and dn't require fencing.
But why does the postman need to get to your post box through the garden

You still haven't answered the question of how he got into your garden? Did he have to walk along to your house and open a gate? If so, put a lock on the inside of it.

It sounds like you're saying that on more than one occasion your dd has been on the trampoline and he's come along the road especially to speak to her. If that's the case I think I'd speak to the police and ask if they can tell you if he is a known sex offender. Or at least speak to them and see what they say. I wouldn't expect any adult male or female to come along from their house especially to talk to your 5 y.o. when she's alone in the garden. And getting on the trampoline with her is weird.

No. You are right. We don't know the set up of your garden.we kept asking and asking, but you refused to answer.
so, prey do tell. You have a trampoline. So not tiny. Is it walled, fenced, bushes? How do you get in? Patio door? Is there a gate?
Normal British gardens have limited access. So if someone is in your garden, they must have jumped, broken in, is the logical conclusion, for most of us.
You seem unable to see our pov on this, how odd it is.

It is very weird and if he does things like that, I expect he would just step over the gate if it was locked.

Way overstepping boundaries - your instincts to feel extremely uncomfortable are not unfounded. I'd find it hard to approach the man because I'm not good at confrontation but I can't see that not confronting him is a good idea. It's very very very odd behaviour for an adult - no reasonable adult would think it's ok to just step into someone else's garden, let alone step in someone else's garden and get on their trampoline with their 5 year old daughter. Honestly, the heckles are up on the back of my neck just thinking about it.

Where is your trampoline, op?. Why don't you answer?

Excusetypos you referred to an ongoing court case. I'm sure you wouldn't want to interfere with the outcome.

Oh gosh, I'm sorry.

I'm not sure I really understand how the set up of someone's garden has got anything to do with this man's behaviour. I'm curious, yes, because exactly how far beyond boundaries does this man think it is ok to go? But in all honesty, even if the OP has a garden that is completely open, this man is getting on a trampoline with a 5 year old who isn't his 5 year old without even checking with a parent if this is ok - and likely he's walking onto someone else's private property to do it...it's beyond strange and very creepy.

You said you don't live next door to this person and that he comes and talks to your daughter whenever she is alone in the garden.

So he is in your garden or a regular basis and you haven't spoken to him before now?

It bothered you enough to start a thread about it, but then you get arsey when people offer you sensible suggestions on how to keep him out.

If you did what any normal person would and actually went out and spoke to him when he came over to play with your daughter then people wouldn't be suggesting locks on gates etc.