Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

AIBU?

to think our neighbour shouldn't engage my 5 year old DD in conversation...

193 replies

Patiencedeficit · 25/05/2013 16:20

... when she is playing alone in our garden? He is an adult with his own children who live with his wife. He comes over to talk to DD whenever she is playing on the trampoline. It makes me feel very awkward. I have to watch like a hawk because I am so uncomfortable but I don't know what to do about it. Not sure if I'm over-reacting. What would you do?

OP posts:

Report

Patiencedeficit · 25/05/2013 16:40

Hi Flogging - I should add that I would have been out there but was trying to feed baby in her highchair and couldn't leave her unattended. (However still had a free hand to type...).

Thanks all for your messages.

OP posts:

Snowgirl1 · 25/05/2013 16:41

Sorry Patiencedeficit, but I think you're totally over-reacting.

acceptableinthe80s · 25/05/2013 16:43

You have to speak to him about this otherwise he'll assume it's fine. Very odd behaviour. 'fitting in' would be the least of my worries, normal grown men don't wander into peoples gardens to play with kids they don't know.

ArthurCucumber · 25/05/2013 16:43

Snowgirl, did you just read the OP, or did you read the part where he let himself into her garden and got on the trampoline with her dd ?

pictish · 25/05/2013 16:43

You're right Snowgirl - she should invite him round for dinner and offer to do his washing while he takes a bath.

TheHonourableAlgyLacey · 25/05/2013 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom · 25/05/2013 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 25/05/2013 16:45

Saying hello, a small comment, then getting on with his morning - fine.
Sharing a joke, that you're in on, and comfortable with, when you are around - fine (our neighbour spent an afternoon pretending he wanted to buy DS1's scooter for a pound, when he was out doing some work and DS1 was out with DH, also doing some work - he has grandchildren of his own who are always around, and he is lovely with them, so it was a perfectly normal conversation that made no one uncomfortable)

Lingering too long when your DD is alone - really not fine.
Inviting himself into your garden - absolutely not fine. Tell him to sod off.

janey68 · 25/05/2013 16:47

Is it clear that he 'invited himself in' though?
I assumed it was the little girl asking him- which is exactly the type of thing my ultra sociable dd would have said at a young age!

Not saying its ok- I would find it intrusive and put a stop to it.

BackforGood · 25/05/2013 16:48

From your title, I was coming on to say of course YABU - why on earth wouldn't a neighbour chat to their neighbour's children.

Letting himself into your garden and jumping on the trampoline with her is a different thing altogether.

Is it a gate? Can you put a lock on it ?
I would say - politely but firmly that you would rather he didn't come into your garden which you are trying to make secure so your dd can play without any worries out there.

pictish · 25/05/2013 16:48

Even if the dd did invite him in.....so what? The accepted response is 'no thank you, I have things to do...but I hope you have fun' before making good your escape. It is not to say 'I thought you'd never ask' and leap in!

Patiencedeficit · 25/05/2013 16:49

In answer to piprabbit - what am I going to do about it? I think I need to wait until the next time it happens and ensure that he knows he can't come and talk to her when I'm not around. Easier thought than said - wish me luck. As for the trampolining I have let DD know that she must not bounce on there with an adult and if he tries to get on again then she must get off for safety reasons.
Sound ok?

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 25/05/2013 16:50

What difference does it make if the dd invited him? She's five years old!
Most blokes wouldn't accept an invite from a five year old to come into her garden and play on the trampoline

Oscalito · 25/05/2013 16:51

Hopefully by calling her in you've given him the message that you weren't happy about it. I'd also look into securing the gate if you can.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him, but that's just me.

Even if she did ask him in, he shouldn't have accepted. She's five, for god's sake!

ProphetOfDoom · 25/05/2013 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

janey68 · 25/05/2013 16:52

Pictish- I agree, but some adults are socially awkward and might feel that to say no when invited in might upset the child.
I am not saying the situation is ok. I said right from the start that I would put a stop to it. I just think some people are jumping to the conclusion that he jumped the fence and clambered on the trampoline uninvited. All I am saying is that IME some young children can be like limpets with adults, and attach themselves and want them to play with them. One of my own children was very like this- would happily chat away to anyone

BoysAreLikeDogs · 25/05/2013 16:52

gosh talking over the fence is fine, a person letting selves into your garden, um NO

grit teeth (we all hate confrontation, I know, I know) and say 'Please can you leave my garden, thank you.' bright smile, open the gate, make ushering gesture, shoo him out, shut gate with a snap.

Any way you can secure the gate, get a bolt to go inside perhaps?

ArthurCucumber · 25/05/2013 16:52

It doesn't matter whether she invited him in. No adult with an ounce of sense would accept.

hugoagogo · 25/05/2013 16:52

There's nothing wrong with him talking to her.

Standautocorrected · 25/05/2013 16:53

I think it's a little odd he was on your trampoline. That said, I am sometimes on my neighbours trampoline but i am there with my children. We don't have one and they do and neighbour insists they can go round and play on it.

difficultultimatum · 25/05/2013 16:53

I was going to say you were being U till I read he was letting himself into your garden

That's not right. YANBU.

Wishfulmakeupping · 25/05/2013 16:53

What did you do OP?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

piprabbit · 25/05/2013 16:54

I think talking to your DD about trampoline safety and talking to him if he comes around again is fine.
I'd also be looking at putting a padlock on the gate.

ItsallisnowaFeegle · 25/05/2013 16:55

Totally agree with pictish. It really doesn't matter if a 5 year old invites a grown up to bounce on her trampoline. The correct response is always, aww thanks for the offer but I'm really busy today.

Pagwatch · 25/05/2013 16:58

No. Don't wait until next time.

Go around and say
'saw you playing in the garden. It's lovely that when DD chats you have time to reply and be nice BUT obviously she is young, we are teaching her about strangers and friends and need to keep her safe. It will be deply confusing for her if I tell her she must ask before playing with other people if you just appear. I need her to understand the rules so please knock next time and don't let yourself in without my taking you out there.
Obviously sometimes it won't be convenient.....'

And by a huge dog.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.