to be pissed off at seeing a pregnant woman smoking yesterday?

[topsi]

Am not sure what goes through some people's minds? WHY??

[Trinpy]

This has reminded me: a couple of days ago a friend of mine was having a judgey rant about parents who smoke in the house, I was a bit since I remember this friend smoking right the way through her pregnancy with her dd!

I've never smoked and never been addicted to anything so I can't/don't judge anyone. I would hope though, that if I was then I would do everything and anything to stop the addiction if it compromised the health of someone I loved.

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

Heffalump No one is saying that is okay, no one would advocate killing a baby but most people on here are pro-choice with abortion, because most realise that women aren't just walking incubators and while she is growing a child she is still a person, human and with feelings and her own problems as well and has the ability to make her own choices, regardless of whether or not they are the wrong ones.

[PaperSeagull]

It's pretty far down my list of concerns, TBH. I know people enjoy feeling self-righteous, but it's really none of your business.

My mother smoked throughout my childhood. She gave up smoking each time she was pregnant, but she took it up again after each child was born. That doesn't necessarily mean it's easy for others to give up smoking during pregnancy. My mother has a will of iron. When she finally quit smoking for good, she just stopped and that was that.

FTR, I have never smoked a cigarette in my life. Having parents who were smokers was an excellent deterrent (not suggesting people actively choose this method to deter their own children, obviously!).

[Disastronaut]

What SchroeSaw said about 'walking incubators' - agree muchly.

Personally, I wouldn't smoke during pregnancy, but my decision to drink coffee, coke & the odd glass of wine (I'm 18 weeks) and, horror of horrors stay on anti-depressants while expecting puts me well into the bad mother camp.

Thank god, what we each think of other women's behaviour doesn't matter, or most of us would fail.

[Whatalotofpiffle]

Ha ha ha mind your own business! Like anyone on mn is capable of minding their own business! If we were mn wouldn't exist!!

[WorraLiberty]

well bloody get it sorted before you decide to get pregnant and affect another humans health

Do you say the same about obese women?

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

Because some people don't bond with the baby before it's born, didn't want to get pregnant and are in denial, have serious problems with the addiction and quitting or plenty of other problems that just make the thought of quitting smoking enough to put them over the edge.

[Solari]

Well the controversial thing is that some women don't feel any particular glow towards their baby, or desire to give up everything for them.

Its not really permissible to admit that in society, so you'll hardly ever hear those feelings expressed, but it is certainly the case for some.

Just as there are dads who seemingly feel nothing for their children (like those who happily walk away), there are also mums who don't feel much at all. Its just far more forbidden.

[Solari]

^
By no means am I applying that to everyone who smokes btw (the reasons could be many).

But certainly mothers are not expected to admit anything but undying love and self-sacrifice for their children, and in reality its not always the case.

[Disastronaut]

Everlong: I don't want to be a walking incubator because I'm still me! A normal, adult, fallible person, with good & bad things about me. Society has so much to say about how a woman should be, how she should look & behave, who she should sleep with - everything. And it's amplified hugely once she's pregnant.

We have to be free to make potentially terrible choices when pregnant, just as we are when un-pregnant. Otherwise we'll end up with abortion being illegal & mandatory diet checks for the pregnant!

[CuttedUpPear]

Cut out the bollocks about it being more stressful to give smoking than to continue. Giving up smoking isn't like giving up heroin.

Selfish addicts.

[CuttedUpPear]

I wonder if you lot of smoking supporters would say the same if you saw a pregnant heroin addict injecting.

Their choice still? Or do they need urgent help to stop?

[LadyBeagleEyes]

Well like I said I was born in the generation where everybody smoked.
I had three siblings, I was a twin, the other two were normal weight. No health issues at all during childhood.
Ds is nearly 18, and I smoked during pregnancy.
Again the hysteria hadn't started, you could still smoke inside and on planes and on the top deck of a bus.
Times change, but really, smoking during pregnancy was not a big deal until the last ten years, and hey we've all survived and given birth in spite of what our parents did.

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

Cutted It's still their choice. Regardless.

When you say "help", do you actually mean to say "forced"? Because there is already help to stop.

[Solari]

There is a difference between personally disagreeing with what someone does, and acknowledging that it is their right to.

Conceding that someone has the right to a certain behaviour does not mean condoning that behaviour. Its condoning freedom.

[Thurlow]

It's not about supporting smoking. It's about acknowledging that it's not always that straightforward and that judging someone is useless and unhelpful.

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

What *Solari" said.

[Lexiesinclair]

YANBU.

I agree with everything Everlong has said. If the baby was born and the woman was breathing smoke all over it it would be less acceptable, yet less harmful. It's neglect.
And pmsl at the poster who compares it to missing a folic acid tablet.

[WorraLiberty]

What Thurlow said

There are many, many things we can judge pregnant mothers for doing and smoking is just one of them.

So where would the judging and lack of empathy stop?

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

How would you know she had just thought "stuff it, it's my body" though? You would just be assuming that after seeing her while not actually knowing anything about her.

[digerd]

I met a woman who told me her DH died due to giving up smoking. His bronchial tubes reacted violently and he developed a terrible cough that choked him to death .

[WorraLiberty]

everlong I was kind of going with what the OP has said. She's shown a lack of just about everything including understanding of addiction.

I agree, its selfish to say 'stuff it, it's my body'.

Although I have to say from what I see around me, there seem to be more overweight/obese women with that attitude, than smokers.

Smoking has declined fairly rapidly in the last few years, yet just under half of UK women of childbearing age are overweight/obese...this can cause health problems for both the baby and the mother.

So why is it always the smokers who get the judgy fingers pointed at them?

I've yet to see a thread where 'Discusted of Dagenham', proclaims that these people should have done something about that, before TTC.

Not that I'm saying they should start a judgey thread like that...just that it's more likely smokers will be the subject of their anger.