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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In being really really REALLY pissed off at those trying to stop same-sex marriage bill going through?

267 replies

StoicButStressed · 20/05/2013 15:28

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-22588954

^^^^^^^^^^^
THAT

My eldest DS is gay, I genuinely have NO concept or understanding of how anyone thinks he (or the other pretty significant % of our population who also happen to have been born gay?) should in any way be denied the same right as his two brothers have to be able to get married.

AIBU? Or is there something I am simply missing?

OP posts:
TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 20/05/2013 15:37

I agree with you, and I have no personal involvement. In fact I got into a heated discussion with the bloke next door last night - he says gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married or raise children because it's "just wrong." Oh, except for Susie down the road, it's ok for her to bring up her children with her female partner, because she was with a man when she had the children. Logic? Not finding any.

Sallyingforth · 20/05/2013 15:37

Difficult one.
I can understand and sympathise with how he and you feel.
But there are many people who have got married with the understanding that marriage was between a man and a woman, and they feel that their concept of marriage been changed to something else.
Whatever happens, a lot of people will be hurt.

Vivacia · 20/05/2013 15:40

That's a point of view I hadn't come across before Sally, thank you for stating it.

gordyslovesheep · 20/05/2013 15:40

How will it hurt married straight people ...I am on and it had flip all impact on me!

Vivacia · 20/05/2013 15:41

(Mind you, the same people might be a bit upset when they hear that some people think sex isn't just for procreation).

ParsingFancy · 20/05/2013 15:44

And even more upset when they discover people are allowed to divorce, Vivacia.Shock

ll31 · 20/05/2013 15:45

I think yanbu to feel the way you do, but yabu in being pissed off that other people shouldn't be allowed to express and lobby for their views. People who disagree with same sex marriage are as entitled as you to their opinions.

Binkybix · 20/05/2013 15:46

I just don't understand the argument about it changing marriage for those already married. How does it? Less special because you have to share? I just think that's ridiculous. Would be interested to hear someone's pov who thinks this, to help me understand.

Sallyingforth · 20/05/2013 15:47

Well I live in sin am not married, so it doesn't affect me. But it's always good to try and understand the other view even if you don't agree with it.

Binkybix · 20/05/2013 15:49

Yes, that's why I'd like someone to explain why they feel that way, rather than just saying they do. Obviously I respect their right to have a different view, but that's not the same as having to respect the view they hold.

AntoinetteCosway · 20/05/2013 15:50

YANBU. It makes me utterly furious. I had an argument with someone I used to consider a friend because he said that children born to gay parents are psychologically damaged by only having one gender example in the house. FFS...and breathe. God it makes me so furious.

ll31 · 20/05/2013 15:50

I don't understand that view either but presume it relates to religious,maybe biblically defined view of marriage? Never get people trying to impose their religious views on others really...

KneeDeepInDaisies · 20/05/2013 15:51

I haven't heard that POV either Sally, thanks for sharing it.

I do think its bollocks though. I'm married and it wouldn't change anything for me.

Lots of people get married who have different views on relationships, fidelity,etc to DH and I. It doesn't change how I view my marriage at all.

AnyFucker · 20/05/2013 15:51

I have no personal investment in this but have been pretty Confused at all the airtime being taken up (and expensive parliamentary debates etc) when there is so much else wrong in the world to get het up about

I have absolutely no objection to same sex marriages. People getting married uses local businesses, boosts church attendance, boosts the economy etc etc etc. I think same sex couples should have the same rights as everyone else

I just don't see the objection at all. I am married and don't see how it diminishes my own vows in any way.

KneeDeepInDaisies · 20/05/2013 15:51

Oh and OP YADNBU!!!

Cooroo · 20/05/2013 15:52

If you're missing something, so am I. Having been married once, I'm not sure why anyone would want to do it! But that said, if you're going to have marriage then it should be open to all. I think it's a hangover from days when it was all about possessions, handing over your daughter etc, and I'd be happy to see the whole thing replaced with civil partnerships for all, and a religious ceremony for those who still believe in it.

ephemeralfairy · 20/05/2013 15:52

I really, really, REALLY don't understand the 'preciousness' around marriage. Who says it's between a man and a woman? I was never taught that at school or at home. Does it come from the Bible? In which case, do all the people shouting against same-sex marriage adhere to the other teachings in the Bible? I doubt it somehow.

But there are many people who have got married with the understanding that marriage was between a man and a woman, and they feel that their concept of marriage been changed to something else.

Maybe so, but why does their potential upset trump the rights of others? Equality is equality is equality, you can't pick and choose. 30-odd years ago a lot of people were violently opposed to mixed-race marriages, now quite rightly most people don't care. I think in ten years all but the most hard-line bigots will have forgotten what made them stamp their feet so much.

Merrow · 20/05/2013 15:57

I am personally invested, in that I'm having a Civil Partnership this summer, and my partner and I had many discussions about whether we should go ahead or wait for marriage to be extended to same sex couples.

I can see the point of view of people who believe that marriage is a purely religious ceremony, but they have coped with straight atheists getting married I don't see a non-religious marriage between gay people as any different.

ll31 · 20/05/2013 15:59

I think it's religiously based-most religions probably,- and I do think there's an element of child 'protection ' fears too from some people,possibly also religiously based. Also I suppose it's a change to something,marriage, which hasn't changed in years so people might fear unforeseen consequences.
Don't think any of above are reasons not to legislate for gay marriage by the way

JustinBiebermakesmevom · 20/05/2013 16:02

Sally - I understand you're just putting another point of view across (not necessarily your own) to balance the argument and like you I have been living blissfully in sin for 12 yrs.

If a heterosexual married couple objected to gay marriage on the grounds that it somehow devalued or took the shine off their marriage then I'd laugh in their face.

Whatever happened to minding our own bloody business....Another person's actions or marital status has absolutely no bearing on my personal happiness or the health of my relationship. It's all nonsense to me....If we're talking about two adults in love wanting to get married then I really fail to see what all the fuss is about. And I'm Catholic...

jacks365 · 20/05/2013 16:02

I don't agree with the view but I do understand it.

The LEGAL definition of marriage is between a man and a woman therefore to make marriage legal for same sex couples the legal definition has to be changed and its that change that is upsetting some people because it then belittles the vows they made.

Asheth · 20/05/2013 16:02

Yanbu. I hate the argument 'it's just wrong'. Why? And as for the whole 'it diminishes the marriage between a man and a woman' argument. Again, why? A marriage between a man and woman where one of them is abusing the other diminishes marriage. A marriage where one of them is unfaithful diminishes marriage. A marriage between two people who love and respect each other does not.

ll31 · 20/05/2013 16:03

Agree with justinbieberetc..

Tee2072 · 20/05/2013 16:03

The 'it will change straight marriage' argument is so full of holes it's like swiss cheese.

It no more changes straight marriage than so called slebs who marry on Tuesday and divorce on Wednesday. Sanctity of marriage my fucking arse.

It's small minded people who do what they are told by the religious right and can't think for themselves who seem to be against it. For no other reason than the church says so.

KneeDeepInDaisies · 20/05/2013 16:04

I think the religious thing is a bit of bollocks too.

I know plenty of weddings conducted in a church where neither the bride or groom were religious. Are we saying its ok for straight people to do that but not gay people?