to ask if anyone is happier now they have children than they were before?

[woodlandcreature]

Trying to plan first baby and all I seem to get are horror stories of the agony of childbirth, how babies never sleep, toddlers never leave you alone, children are horrible, teenagers are worse and usually just get "it WILL be hard," with a meaningful look.

I don't know. We'd left it to June to TTC for a myriad of reasons but just had my last period and sat on the stairs crying yesterday because people seem to think our reasons for wanting children are all wrong. Our reasons for wanting children are because we want a family; we want someone more to love and who will love us, we adore 'family' things, we want someone we will have a permanent bond with.

Are these the wrong reasons - awbu to want children?

Shadowstorm if you would have got pregnant earlier you may have still had a beautiful son but it would not have been him, different sperm different egg. xx

so much happier, despite the horror stories. and the damge to the keyboaad after ds sat/wlked on it severrl times

Having children is wonderful, I laugh everyday because they come out with the most funny little things. I also love seeing life through their eyes. I must admit though on a bad day I do sometimes crave a little of my old life back such as the freedom. But that's rare.

I can say with all honesty that my DS makes me happy but I am less happy since having had him. If I could turn the clock back, I wouldn't have had him. Do I regret having had him? Frequently. Does this make me love him less than I should? I hope not. Is it something I would admit to him? Never.

I miss the freedom I had before having had him, to go for solitary walks, to get lost in a book, to change jobs/careers whilst only having to worry about myself, to spend 3 hours playing around with makeup only to wipe it off and start all over again. I miss the ability to walk away from an unhappy relationship without a second glance back. I miss my stretchmark-free belly and tits, my navel piercing, my once long and maintenance-full hair. I miss being able to shag around with little care in the world, spontaneous trips to friends across Europe. I miss having more of a disposable income, "sick days", a whole bed to myself, being able to spend an entire Saturday morning masturbating and not caring how much time has passed. As women, we are told wanting all this makes us "selfish" and we ought to pro-create to make our lives more fulfilling. Well, my life is no more fulfilling post-DS than it was pre-DS. I quite liked (and miss) being "selfish"!

I am so much happier with DS. There are times when I miss the flexibility of being childless but I honestly didn't think I could love someone as much as I do him. I also didn't understand the sheer pride you can have in someone else - sometimes for the littlest of things. My DS (2) checked with me before accepting a sweet from a colleague and said please and thank you really well before throwing his wrapper in the bin. And held my hand all the way to the car like such a good little boy. I was ridiculously proud for what is an everyday occurrence. To put it into perspective I had a horrendous birth with him which landed me in HDU. Do I care about that now? No and I'd go through it a million times more for him.

Good post, Annakin. And I relate to pretty much all of your post, Gertrude.

I found the switch to motherhood profoundly difficult and was so naive about the reality. We didn't have family support and even just breastfeeding (never mind all the other aspects); being the single night-time feeder and accompanying tortuous sleep deprivation, and the only one they were interested in getting any comfort from, took such a fundamental toll on me. The pressure on me felt immense.

I had no idea it was going to be like that, and felt (still feel) that there is a wall of silence around babyhood, the transition to motherhood, that benefits no-one.

I didn't have PND, but I must have been inches away from it, for a good two years. And to think what I went through wasn't even PND; that it could have been even harder - much harder - chills me.

Things are markedly better and easier now they're older, but we won't be having any more, because I can't go through the first year/18 months again.

As I said in my early post, I adore them and wouldn't be without them. I'm constantly amazed by them and overwhelmed by love for them.

The clincher is that I love the individual people they are and can't imagine life without them, but if I knew then what it was going to be like, before I'd formed those bonds with them, well, I don't know what sort of decisions I'd have made.

Put it this way, unlike a lot pf parents, I do not feel in the slightest bit sorry for people who choose not to have children, and feel that they should celebrate and embrace their choice to live a life for themselves. There are many aspects of their lives that I can now only dream of.

But it's still so taboo to really discuss this and admit to it. Threads like this are nice and fluffy and it's good to know that it can - and will! - be so wonderful. But likewise, it's so important for women to know that if it's not all wonderful and heart-warming and skipping through tulips with a compliant baby, and if they find it horrendous at times, that this is also normal and OK, and they're not deficient, and that it's OK to ask for help and support.

Don't understand why you are letting Internet strangers bother you so much, it has did all to do with them. I'm the only Internet stranger to listen too seriously do not listen to them they do not have any impact on your life

Absolutely. They have given real meaning and joy to my life. Just getting up in the morning is exciting when you want to see your little one's smiley face.
Yes, there are sleepless nights, tears and tantrums (both adults and children). But it's all so much more meaningful and the crappy bits are usually short-lived!

hi let ppl will tell you truth abt child birth and how kids are naughty yes there prob right but it is good to comes with alot of rewards to.childbirth is painful but ppl can deal with labour in diff way if ya can hack pain (sortd)ya shud b ok.i love every min even tho am up 5:30 every morning with my 6 year old and gettin ass for ADHD. he is naughty but a lv the lil bones of him life is sad and boring without kids.(fact)
P.S WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHER PPL THINK ITS YOUR LIFE YOUR CHOICES ITS YOU WHO"L BE HOLDING THE BABYNOT THEM.(GOOD LUCK IN STARTING YOUR FAMILY)

They bring a lot more meaning and richness to life. It becomes more than about you, as it should be.

But please DONT have kids with the expectation that they will make you "happier", they probably won't, it is relentless, thankless and exhausting with occasional glimmers of pure joy.

My kids make me very happy.

Wish they didn't wake up before 6 tho...

You sound like you'll be great parents btw

Dondraper, you totally had pnd. Big time. I didn't realise I had had it until ds was 2,and it had been gone a while. And I was single with a nightmare toddler, so it wasn't my situation that was better. It was the pnd getting better.

I read your OP title and thought "God yes". I have never been so happy in all my life since my DC were born.

Yes it's hard work, tiring, occasionally frustrating, but its also fantastic, rewarding and I feel such joy. I would hate to go back to mt life before they were born (apart from the disposable income).

Sorry, I sound a bit evangelical.

I think your reasons are fine - don't worry about what others think.

Tis the natural order of things.

Ask yourself the question.
How would I feel at 80 with no family around?
Is the hard work of the few early years worth the benefits that you reap, as you see them grow into the wonderful human beings they become?

Hell yes, the sacrifices are definitely worth it.

Me! I have quite literally never been happier in my life.

So many lovely sentiments on here.

My daughter is 9 weeks old. She is amazing. Like someone else on here said, she is like the missing puzzle piece in our relationship. We were in the car on our way out for the day. DH remarked that although we were very happy and had a lovely life before DD arrived, it was like there was a DD shaped hole in our lives. We would have been absolutely fine if that hole had never been filled, but now it has, we as a couple are complete.

I used to get so upset with the 'you wait' brigade. I employed the MN 'smile and nod' mantra. When DD arrived and slept well, hardly cried and was very content, the 'you wait' brigade assured me that in a few weeks she would become 'difficult'. She has not, she remains a delight.

We all have children for varying reasons woodlandcreature who is to say that your reasons are any better of worse than the next persons.

I always wanted a child, now I have her, I am so content. Yes I miss lots of things about my child free life, yes I have had days when I cried at the relentlessness of early motherhood and the fact that, at first anyway, everything revolves around this tiny being.

I am so proud of me for creating this amazing human being. The euphoria one feels In the days post birth trump the feeling I have had with any other life acheivement.

The love i have for my husband is deeper and richer than before. i can never thank him enough for walking with me every step of the way, never metophorically letting go of my hand and for never once letting either of us down.

Good luck with your journey woodlandcreature I hope for you all the joy and happiness I have.

YANBU!

What strange friends you have if they think your reasons for wanting children are wrong! They sound like the best reasons to me! And in any case they are YOUR reasons - your friends should mind their own business!!!

My life is DEFINITELY happier with children than before. It has been hard work sometimes, and they do get on your nerves and the sleep deprivation is awful at times, but I would say that now the baby stage is over life gets easier all the time and it really wasn't that difficult at any point!

Yesterday I met my DH and children at a restaurant after work and I don't think my life before offered anything comparable to the happiness when my 4yo daughter ran to my arms when she saw me and gave me cuddles and kisses and told me how much she loves me.

Go for it! I really don't think you will regret it!

LaQ, your post gives me hope. I find the constant cleaning tidying the most draining thing at the moment

I think the good moments easily outweigh the bad. So what if there is a bit of mess and aggro when you have a cuddle with your adorable children or they say something utterly hilarious or clever?

I tidied up an absolute landslide of the DDs' mess at the weekend and very much resented every minute of it, as well as being woken up at 6am on a Sunday, but yesterday when my DDs were running after a squirrel in the park laughing and squealing I looked at them from a distance and I could hardly believe that I had produced two beings so perfect and lovable.

I agree with LQ.
The first few years are utter drudgery Ime.
My youngest starts school in sept so I am really looking forward to some "me" time.
For the first time in a decade :)

You only ever seem to hear the bad bits. Ofcourse having children has its tough moments like everything else in life, but the good bits totally out weigh the bad. Both myself and DH could not imagine life with out our DD, yes out lives have changed but being a mummy and daddy is absolutely brilliant. The love you feel for your kids is unbelievable and for us having our own wee family is the best thing