to ask if anyone is happier now they have children than they were before?

[woodlandcreature]

Trying to plan first baby and all I seem to get are horror stories of the agony of childbirth, how babies never sleep, toddlers never leave you alone, children are horrible, teenagers are worse and usually just get "it WILL be hard," with a meaningful look.

I don't know. We'd left it to June to TTC for a myriad of reasons but just had my last period and sat on the stairs crying yesterday because people seem to think our reasons for wanting children are all wrong. Our reasons for wanting children are because we want a family; we want someone more to love and who will love us, we adore 'family' things, we want someone we will have a permanent bond with.

Are these the wrong reasons - awbu to want children?

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

I had my first at 34 (and my third at 44). Up until I had DD1 I was not overly 'maternal'. Whilst I was concerned for the welfare of children I didn't particularly enjoy being around them. I was pleased to fall pregnant and looked forward to 'baby'. But I worked until 4 days before my due date. And planned to go back a month later.

Oh how it all changed when DD1 was born. I felt as though I had discovered myself. I have 3 now. I still enjoy my work. And I love my DH. And I have some great friends and family. But have given up on all hobbies (save cooking and reading) just soni can spend time with DCs. My DCs are without a doubt the best thing I have ever done. I have not had a moment of regret. They have brought me more joy than I thought possible.

Good luck.

[nethunsreject]

I'm much happier as a parent than I was before. It's bloody hard work and exhausting but it is fabulous too. I wasn't bothered about having kids - never maternal or anything - but they are amazing, and I say that despite being up 6times last night and having a heavy cold

[PacificDogwood]

Loofet, that sounds lovely and it's great that parenthood has worked out so well for you.

There is a danger in having a baby to 'fix' something in your life though - doesn't make it wrong, at all, necessarily, but might not work.

A parent is there for the baby/child, not the baby for the parent IYSWIM.

Again, it's just to do with expectations. Loofet sounds really happy (less conflicted than me about being a mother at times ) and unless you go for it you'll never now how having a child might be for you, woodlandcreature. Just not expect the child to fill some kind of void/need. If he or she does, great. If not, you still need to be their parent.

I hope it is clear that I am in no way having a dig - good luck!

[Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii]

Yes, it is hard work at times and kids can be a big worry but if it was so bad there would be lots of single kids about.

Obviously I love mine to bits but The thing that suprised me the most was how much fun they are. My kids really make me laugh. They are funny, witty and lively.

[MoodyDidIt]

i am much happier since having dcs

its the best thing i have ever done

yes its hard, but life takes on a whole new meaning and depth, i know that sounds cheesy. but its true (for me at least)

[Cherriesarelovely]

Yes, without a shaddow of a doubt. However, for me, the first few months were not easy and I did wonder whether it was all worth it. Don't go into it expecting every single day to be bliss, it isn't but there are SO many wonderful, magical moments. To sum it up it has been 100 times harder and 100 times more amazing than I ever imagined.

[Kasterborous]

No YANBU our DD is fourteen months old and the best thing that ever happened to us. Yes it's hard occasionally but the good far outweighs it. The love I have for her is immense I have never experienced love like it. She's made me much happier and a real purpose in life. To watch her running around and exploring everything then coming and giving me random cuddles and kisses is just wonderful.

If you are both ready to have children go for it, ignore everyone else.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

OP your reasons for wanting a family are exactly the right ones IMO.

DH and I are happier now that we have our DCs. Yes life is harder, more complicated, and we are very tired because of five years of less than perfect sleep. But we wouldn't be without them for the world, they have brought us joy and contentment like nothing else and our bond is stronger because we are parents together.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Can't remember ever having to justify to anyone why I wanted to start a family. The only person I could imaging have this conversation with is my dh. No one else's business.

[Sunnysummer]

Zadie Smith wrote a beautiful essay about this - distinguishing between pleasure and joy, and saying that pleasure comes from little things like good food, but her husband and children bring her less simple 'pleasure' but more 'joy' - “terror, pain, and delight" - and that ultimately, this is what makes life worthwhile.

This thought consoles me occasionally, though sadly not when it is 2am and I am breastfeeding while kneeling on a hairbrush on the living room floor in order that I don't accidentally go to sleep on my tiny tiny colicky baby. But then I see his tiny tiny colicky wind smile, and remember that he is absolutely wonderful and decide that I will not send him off to boarding school at 2 months old after all and that I will one day be able to embarrass him deeply by sharing these stories with his future girlfriend/boyfriend, and It Will All Be Worthwhile.

I love my family and couldn't imagine being without one of my own, ignore the haters!

[Damnautocorrect]

I thought kids were off the menu for me (string of shit fellas, no house, age getting on the wrong side and massive a of debt) but he was truly an amazing blessing and the best thing that happened to me.
My life is happier more content and I have a reason to be happy and proud. He was an unplanned gift, but truly the best kind I've ever had.

[woodlandcreature]

I agree it is no one else's business WeAllHaveWings, but I have had people try to make it so, mainly when I have a bad day (as I occasionally do) - if I then mention in the context of that (online) conversation I am planning a baby I get the odd response along the lines that someone "like me" shouldn't want a child. I do, though.

[NotSoNervous]

YANBU there some of the best persons to want to have a baby IMO. Since having DD my life has completely changed and sometimes it's so hard but it's amazing. Whenever she's teething a grumpy then she laughs it just melts you. I wouldn't change having DD for anything in the world and I would do all again

Good luck

[CinnabarRed]

Before I had children it was as if I were, unknowingly, living in only two dimensions - dimensions with far, sweeping horizons, but still only two. And then when I had DS1, a magical new third dimension appeared - with soaring heights and plumbing depths I hadn't previously ever imagined to be possible. My life is infinitely richer due to my children.

[wonderstuff]

I think that in the UK we enjoy a moan but feel uncomfortable enthusing about good stuff, we worry about showing off, much prefer a bit of competitive suffering. That means people are far more willing to moan about kids than tell you how great they are.

That said I was shocked when I had my kids, everyone said it would be hard, and I thought well EVERYONE has kids, how hard can it be? A: really fucking hard. I wouldn't swop them, but I do sometimes morn the carefree, financially comfortable life I had before. It sounds like you are more prepared than I was.

Your reasons for wanting children sound perfect. All the best x

[sherazade]

I dont know about being any happier, post children, but having kids liberates you from yourself. It's not about me, me, me anymore.

[Francagoestohollywood]

Having children is wonderful. I adore mine.
Of course it is hard work looking after children, it'd be disingenuous to deny it.
Am I happier than I was pre children? I don't know.

[Francagoestohollywood]

Sherazade, yes, I agree. It is not necessarily a good thing all the time, though!

[Morgause]

Yes, we're happier now than when we first married and had no DCS,

But the DCs have left home and it's just us now.

[buzzgirly]

I'm so much happier now I have dc. Before dc I was quite a party animal, and so have completely changed my lifestyle - I don't miss it at all.

I love our family life. The first few months are a bit of a shock, but it's amazing what a smile from a baby can make you forget! Oh dear, this is making me broody!

[pictish]

Yes. Having kids was inarguably the making of me.

[changeforthebetter]

Ignore the horror stories (which can also be interpreted as people being honest about how bloody hard it is)

Your reasons sound fine. I wouldn't change having kids for the world even though it can be heartbreakingly hard and more exhausting than you could imagine. I am a better person after kids - more honest, open and less self-absorbed. I think having a good relationship with your partner is key. I didn't and we are now separated, but that is not because we had kids. It is because he is an idiot!

[scarlettsmummy2]

My children can be annoying and exhausting and expensive- however I would not swap them for my old life for the world!

[Saski]

I distinguish between the moments I spent with my kids as babies/toddlers and the days. The moments were lovely and delightful. The days generally stretched out endlessly and I often felt bored & missed my old life.

Now that my kids are older but still little kids, my life is immeasurably better & I'm glad I didn't know how hard it is to have kids, because I would have waffled.

[Theyoniwayisnorthwards]

I am the happiest I have ever been now that I have my two boys. I'm right in the difficult bit with a baby and toddler and I am tired and stretched but underneath the chaos is a hum of contentment I have never experienced before. I laugh out loud every single day at them. I can't believe my own good fortune.