to ask if anyone is happier now they have children than they were before?

[woodlandcreature]

Trying to plan first baby and all I seem to get are horror stories of the agony of childbirth, how babies never sleep, toddlers never leave you alone, children are horrible, teenagers are worse and usually just get "it WILL be hard," with a meaningful look.

I don't know. We'd left it to June to TTC for a myriad of reasons but just had my last period and sat on the stairs crying yesterday because people seem to think our reasons for wanting children are all wrong. Our reasons for wanting children are because we want a family; we want someone more to love and who will love us, we adore 'family' things, we want someone we will have a permanent bond with.

Are these the wrong reasons - awbu to want children?

[KB02]

I think your reasons for having children seem good and sounds like any children will be well loved and cherished. It is hard and stressful at times but well worth it, I am over the moon to have my ds. He is 13 months and all I ever wanted. I don't miss all the things we 'can't do ' any more and miss him if I am away from him. Good luck

[KB02]

Northwards

[honeytea]

It's early days for us, my ds is only 5 months but I feel so happy, I feel more content than I ever have.

It has been a really lovely surprise as I had lots of people telling me how hard it is going to be.

When ds was as about 2 weeks old I was sat in bed at 4 in the morning breastfeeding him, our neighbors came home from their night out with a small group of friends and were continuing the party, I had no problem with the noise I could hear their music and them laughing and chatting, I thought to myself how lucky I was, there was no where in the world I would rather be than cuddled up in bed with my tiny little boy.

I go to sleep feeling like it is Christmas eve some nights just so excited to wake up and spend the day with my ds.

The birth was even fun, gas and air is lovely :)

I feel very sorry for the couples who find having a baby hard work .

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

The pain of childbirth and the sleepless nights in the first few weeks/months/ years (depending entirely how lucky you are!) are a shocker.

However the other stuff is wonderful. The love you feel for your child/ren, the pride you feel just because of who they are, honestly mine dont have to do anything particularly special for me to think "awww look at you! You're awesome!" And omg the stuff they say/do to make you laugh!

Dont underestimate how happy you'll feel the first time they say "I love you mummy"

In short, I am a lot happier now I've got them (and their dad!). Considering I had PND both times I think that's pretty good going!

[HerrenaHarridan]

Woodland, I don't think those are the wrong reasons at all.

I know a fair few people who are now raising families after leaving the care system or abusive homes. They are doing alright, making up as they go along with no example to follow. They all started their families pretty young because they wanted a family, to create everything they should of had and see it for themselves an to feel that unconditional love between a parent and child.

My mum had me for all the wrong reasons, fell pregnant in care and was brought up too religiously to consider abortion. Stopped taking drugs as soon as she realised and turned her life around.

She was the most hands on, involved mum I've ever known, thinking about the shit she went through for me in the early years bring tears to my eyes.

You don't need to explain yourself, you want a baby so does your husband!

[meglet]

Not happier here, probably the same as I felt before I had kids. I worry too much and am too tired to be happy!

[HerrenaHarridan]

Oh sorry and in answer to your question.

Yes I am much happier since having dd, life was fun before but this is something new.

I'm not going to lie to you, it the hardest thing I've ever done (lone parent to 16mo, 400miles from my family)

Take everything hard you've ever known, add it together and multiply it by infinity!!!!!!
But I've never regretted dd for a second

[GColdtimer]

My tired (was at a family party last night) very cute and sometimes extremely trying 3 year old is snuggled up next to me on the sofa watching nanny McPhee for the 100th time. Yes sometimes it's very hard,but being without my 2 dds is unthinkable.

I can't understand why anyone would question you op. good luck.

[greenformica]

Having kids has been the most amazing thing. I had a lovely life before but things are more meaningful and special now. Yes we do have hard times (some sleeplessness etc) but it makes us appreciate the good points.

[Ratata]

You will find that people like to project their experiences onto others, especially if they are negative. I'm pregnant with my first and have heard it all too. One woman in particular is awful. She is the most negative person I have ever met. I challenge her when I can be bothered or change the subject to something lighthearted.

Experiences are more about how you react to them than the experience itself. Choose to see things positively and they will be easier. Sure there are hard times but if you are in a solid relationship and support eachother then you will get through it. The hardest things in life are usually the most rewarding! Your reasons for having kids are sound, have more confidence in yourself and your reasons. Other people's opinions will fade away. Your experiences will be unique to you including pregnancy, childbirth and your kids.

[TeddyMercury]

I am less happy now I have children. If I had known what it would be like, I'd have remained childless.

I don't really get those comments and 'amazing highs' and 'joy', tbh. I love my children, but in a prosaic, everyday sort of way (I've never experienced being 'in love' romantically either. I love my DP and we have a good relationship, but that's based on common interests, friendship, respect, sexual attraction occasionally , shared history etc rather than the butterflies in tummy, laying down my life for him feelings I've heard described).

My life now is fine. I love my partner and children, we are ok financially, my job is interesting. But when I compare that to what I had before (independence, solvent, lots of interests I pursued at will, not being responsible for anyone but myself) I cannot escape that I was far happier then.

Maybe I'll feel differently when they are older (they are under 7), maybe I'm a selfish Tin Man of a mother, but I definitely feel as though I made the 'wrong' choice.

[valiumredhead]

My child is the best thing that has ever happened to me and dh would say the same - he is a treasure and it's so lovely watching him grow into a young man and seeing all the hard work pay off :)

[FreudiansSlipper]

yes there is nothing I miss from before I had ds

yes it is very very tiring at times, you are pushed to your limits but it all means nothing when they are cuddled up in your arms or have drawn you another picture or when you watch them play and think wow he/she is really mine it's wonderful nothing compares

[twinkletwinklepops]

After having DD my life is like a see saw, ups and downs but the ups definately out weight the downs.

You never know you're little one might be a 'good sleeper' like ours, 7pm - 7am from 3 months.

Just imagine every morning going in to your little ones room in the morning, waking them up and unwrapping your little bundle of joy and watching them rub their little eyes and giggle when they see you - precious memories!

Good luck!

[Ginfox]

I never thought I was fussed about having kids. Then I met my DH, and having a family suddenly became a priority. For no other reason than we both felt that it was the obvious thing to do.

Now we have 2yo DD, and it's just brilliant! She's funny, cute, challenging, and growing so fast it's scary. It -is- flipping hard work, and she's a terrible sleeper, so it is exhausting too. But an already very happy household is so much happier with her in it. Definitely want to do it all again.

Also I had a quick and easy labour (not bragging, but you do seem to get bombarded with terrible stories when you're planning/expecting).

I honestly think some people just like to bring others down, making them doubt their decisions. And when you are pregnant, these people are worth avoiding IMHO, cos they're a pain in the arse.

[Ginderella]

I love my DS. If you want children, go ahead and don't take any notice of other parents and their opinions.

I would say though, that if I could go back in time, I would have chosen not to have him.

[Ragwort]

Thanks Ginderall for being so honest, I think on a forum like this most people are going to say 'having children is the best thing in the world'.

I find being a parent very hard, my DS is now at the 'tweenager' age so he is too young to be completely on his own but he doesn't need his parents around all the time except as a taxi service. So for example it is very hard to do what you want to do eg: today he has gone off to the sports field, yes, he's been out since 9am but I can't really go anywhere or do anything speficic (apart from housework/gardening/mumsnetting ) because I just have to be 'around'. Perhaps that makes me shallow but I seem to spend a lot of time just 'haning around' in case I am needed. .

[Bunbaker]

I am no happier, nor am I less happy. Having DD has changed my life and it is different, not better and not worse but different.

[Cherriesarelovely]

Woodland, my DP had a very difficult, abusive childhood. She came along whenmy dd was nearly 2. She had never wanted children, never even considered it, instead she had focussed on her career. Anyway, she met us and fell in love with us both. She turned out to be a natural parent. She was absolutely brilliant and still is, 9 years on. Our Dd is the light of our lives. Her horrible experiences from childhood made her even more determined that her parenting would be completely different and that our Dd would never go to bed upset or scared as she did. I just wanted to share that with you because of what others had said to you about your past.

[AmberSocks]

i am happier,much happier.

dont listen to people,they just like to moan.

[Ragwort]

'dont listen to people,they just like to moan' - I am not sure all people 'moan' about children when pointing out the disadvantages - it is very clear (just from Mumsnet yet alone RL) that some people have children without giving it any thought at all and then seem surprised when it is difficult/challenging/expensive etc etc etc. I don't think it does any harm to really, really think about why you want children and not just do it 'because it's what everyone does'.

It's a bit like childbirth, not many people are 'honest' about what it really involves .

[itsaruddygame]

I am so tired I could cry (DS 10 weeks old) and am surviving on very little sleep. I am also the happiest I have ever been and would not swap the beautiful baby boy I am holding in my arms for all the riches in the world.

[woodlandcreature]

Teddy, purely out of interest you appear to have more than one child: why, if you feel you made the wrong choice?

Many thanks for all your replies. I have doubted myself a lot but I can't imagine a future without children in it.