to ask if anyone is happier now they have children than they were before?

[woodlandcreature]

Trying to plan first baby and all I seem to get are horror stories of the agony of childbirth, how babies never sleep, toddlers never leave you alone, children are horrible, teenagers are worse and usually just get "it WILL be hard," with a meaningful look.

I don't know. We'd left it to June to TTC for a myriad of reasons but just had my last period and sat on the stairs crying yesterday because people seem to think our reasons for wanting children are all wrong. Our reasons for wanting children are because we want a family; we want someone more to love and who will love us, we adore 'family' things, we want someone we will have a permanent bond with.

Are these the wrong reasons - awbu to want children?

I haven't read any replies to this thread. DS and I had a wonderful day together today. I've not ever had as special and delightful a day with anyone else. Days like this are not uncommon with DS. He's simply amazing.

He's 25mo :)

Sorry if this is a repeat of things already posted, but I too wanted a child for the same reason as yourself.

All I can say is yes, it is hard, there are times I wish I could just have a switch to switch DD off with, however it is only DH and I, so we don't have breaks, we are either at work or with DD, although we do give each other time to themselves.

However, all I can say, is for years I felt like a nearly complete jigsaw puzzle (I've been with DH longer than I've not, so he is very much bonded and entwined within me iykwim), but I always knew there was a piece missing and nothing would have supplemented this piece. If this piece was never 'found' then I would have still been happy, but I would have felt incomplete. Once DD was born, the piece of jigsaw slotted into place. I now feel complete.

Oh, and where else can you get this type of conversation....

DH, Myself and DD in the car, DH and I belch at the same time and say pardon me.

DD starts to giggle and says, 'mummy, you and daddy burped at the same time.

Me: 'yes, I know, but we did say pardon'
DD: 'sometimes mummy, I cough and trump at the same time'

that is the piece of jigsaw that fulfils me.

Just because it's hard doesn't mean that it isn't brilliant!
My kids are my life's joy and finest work. I feel sad for those who choose not to have them because they're choosing to miss out on the greatest love of their lives.

Yanbu, children are great. I had a great life before, but every day I look at dd and love her with all my heart I know that might sound cringey

I wouldn't say it's better, it's different.

I love her more than I could possibly imagine, the wave of love that washes through me countless times a day is addictive and I miss her when she's at nursery.

But........

DD is not wrapped up in cotton wool, she fits into our lives not the other way around. We spend money on babysitters and DH and I make a point of spending time together without her.

The best and most important piece of advice I was given was reference sleep and went as follows:

"Three yawns and you're out. Notice the first, act on the second. If you get to a third yawn you are shit out of luck".

Not every baby will listen to this advice but if your baby does then sleep will make everything seem much easier to deal with.

Good luck.

i have to say, i am a hundred million times happier than i ever thought i could be since having dd. i have some really rough days where i cant even find time to run a brush through my hair and i feel so frazzeld i just want to cry, but as soon as i see her sweet little face or she gives me a kiss or cuddle then all the stuff that feels hard just stops mattering and it all just feels so easy and worth it.

also the child birth part, if you have a standard, no complications labour then it really isn't that bad. trust me, i thought it was going to be horrible and i would scream and cry, but i actually fell asleep during, so it can't have been that bad right?

My life is immeasurably improved by having a child!!! He's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me :)

I have alot of problems in my life but having Ds is not one of them.

One thing I would say is that it didn't help me draw a line underneath a bad family upbringing, in a way it intensified all that but in a useful way on the end. as soon as I got pregnant it opened up a reassessment of my childhood and parents and made me really determined to not recreate my past. It was upsetting though, realizing quite how unthinkable some of the ways I was treated, thinking about whether I could do that to the child growing inside me made me realise how unjustifiable some things were.

So might drag you back into the past a bit, but can move past it usefully I think.

Knackered and broke, but definitely happier.

My DM used to tell me not to even think about having kids until I was utterly desperate for them. I think she meant that if you really wanted them the rough times wouldn't feel so bad!

Dcs are late 20s and 30s and long since left home and yes, it is def better to have DCs than not

Just skipping to the end of the thread to say that childbirth does not have to be painful!! Epidurals are available 24 hrs a day in most hospitals. I was totally anti before hand (did the hypnobirthing cd every night and everything), but changed my mind pretty quick when it all kicked off and spent labour is a cosy warm blissed out haze listening to classical music and chatting to DH and the midwife. I didn't even mind the forceps delivery. Seriously, you do not have to suffer!

Right, going back to read the thread now...

Pethidine's pretty helpful IME too. I recall DS' birth as incredibly hard work but not massively painful as such. DH thinks I'm potty but seriously, that's what it's supposed to do!

Childbirth and babyhood is a small fraction of the experience of having children. Mine are both in their 20s and it still keeps getting better and better.

fishybits - agreed re: yawn advice. Works a treat.

Best thing I ever did.

I am much more satisfied overall now i have children.

I have regular moments of sheer frustration/boredom and yes, feeling miserable in my daily mothering, however.

My dcs are 4 and 1. Dc1 has been a dream from the moment he was born. Dc2 was a dream right up until the moment she was born! I realise, now they are here, I was never really, truly happy before they arrived. I adore every second I spend with them, even the challenging ones. I am sad when I leave them. Dc3 arrives in October, it obviously can't be that bad!

Really? Every second??

That wasn't an attack, btw, am genuinely curious not to say envious i get terribly grumpy with mine, even after all these years. Maybe I'm just born miserable

haven't read thread.

we have 6 DCs and not because we never heard of condoms!

I am not always happy about circumstances - being tired, badly behaved kids or ill baby - but I'm happy and content.
it's a different kind of happiness to being happy about being single or engaged or newly married etc.

baby DD is 13 months old and has just learnt how to give a kiss - pure joy! also has been busy mashing a pear into the carpet.
having children really is swings and roundabouts!!!

what I've learnt so far is that:

1. children are a gift from God
2. don't look a gift (horse) child in the mouth.

Mythumbs I agree re childbirth, if you don't want to go through the pain then epidural is fab. I had it for both and really enjoyed it! Once the blissed out feeling hits, the birth is bearable and I remembered all of it and could walk etc.

Re having kids, OP - well for me it's like that moment in the Wizard of Oz - pre kids = black and white, life with kids = colour. And I did have a happy and fulfilled life pre kids, with lots of fun and a great career. But kids add a layer of meaning and a whole new dimension that I am thankful every day to have fallen into by chance and somewhat unplanned

Ok, so here is me being soppy, this song is what it's like to have a child... I would say baby, but my little baby is now 3 :)
I sang this to him tonight as his little eyelids were fluttering closed and he was desperately trying to stay awake...

Ah! Sorry wrong version, though that's nice too...

I dont think having a dc is all that hard. Birth is hard work and bloody, babies cry, you feel tired. Its a short period of time really, for most. Its not rocket science. I think doing endless research and navel gazing is a bit pointless. You either like kids and want to take care of one ( or more). Or you dont. Only you can really know this, so other people opinions are meaningless. Also, you will notice on parenting websites like this, that the experience of having children is different for everyone. And you can have a career as well. You may very well NOT have no sleep for 4 years, and You may find that there are such things as babysitter who enable you to occasionally go out. Don't make it harder than it needs to be by overthinking it!

I've loved every minute of being a mum. Now I would be lying if I said it has all been plain sailing because that is not reality. I am a single mum to a teenager and I am proud to say she is growing up to be very non judgemental. I have always drummed it to her never to look down on anyone as we do not know their stories and she knows all about karma or if you prefer pay back. Well mannered and well balanced and it does make me very proud that it is all my own work.

The pregnancy bit however was horrendos. I had all day sickness from 6 weeks developed pre eclampsia at 7 months and had to have an emergency c/section and to think I'm ttc again (L.O.L)
Just go for it you wont regret it. I was a bitch before I became a mum. it's definatly mellowed me out. xxx

Posted before I read rubyonrails and glamstretchmatks posts. Ruby, dont hate yourself. Pnd is a bitch. Good luck at gp x
Glam- I was a LP with a baby too, and it is a tough ride. It gets better, but if the anxiety and depression is bad, help is out there.x