to ask if anyone is happier now they have children than they were before?

[woodlandcreature]

Trying to plan first baby and all I seem to get are horror stories of the agony of childbirth, how babies never sleep, toddlers never leave you alone, children are horrible, teenagers are worse and usually just get "it WILL be hard," with a meaningful look.

I don't know. We'd left it to June to TTC for a myriad of reasons but just had my last period and sat on the stairs crying yesterday because people seem to think our reasons for wanting children are all wrong. Our reasons for wanting children are because we want a family; we want someone more to love and who will love us, we adore 'family' things, we want someone we will have a permanent bond with.

Are these the wrong reasons - awbu to want children?

[MsJupiterJones]

They sound like great reasons! I have never been happier since having DS in October 2012. It is hard work but just unbelievably brilliant.

[EleanorFarjeon]

Having children is wonderful, but, blimey, we had a great time before we had them!

You could not pay me to go back to the very early years of parenthood.

I would never regret becoming a parent, but I do look back at our lives pre kids as fabulous. We both look forward to them being grown almost as much as we enjoy them being children. And, no doubt, when they are grown, we'll miss them being small.

But happier with kids? No. Just different.

[perplexedpirate]

Having baby hurts. REALLY hurts! I got the stage where my mind was just flooded with pain, there was no room for actual thought, the whole of the world, past, present and future was agony. There is no way I could put myself through it again, the thought alone makes me feel sick.
The baby years were also pretty awful. It was two years of relentless terror and feeling so worthless and inadequate that there were times I really thought I should just disappear as I was useless at being a mother.
HOWEVER.
DS is without doubt the best thing in my life. He is funny, clever, kind and loving. I would die for him in a heartbeat and he makes me happier than I ever thought possible. I actually feel sorry for everyone else in the world as they are not DS's mum!

[Parajse]

I'm definitely happier now than I was before I had DD, despite everyone telling me I was 'giving up' my teenage years and early adulthood and would regret it when I missed out on being young. Agree with everyone else on here, the pain is hell but what you get at the end makes up for it. I honestly would be lost without DD, she has taken over my life but in the best possible way.

[RhondaJean]

I'm not really happier - but I am more focused.

I don't think I'm less happy (despite having a teenager, which means there are moments when I wonder what the hell possessed me!)

[RhondaJean]

Oh, and the labour ward has fantastic painkillers, no need to suffer!

[RhondaJean]

In retrospect though, I wouldn't say I needed to have children - I could have had just as a good a life without...

Darn, you've got me thinking now that's never good!

[sweetsummerlove]

Having my little girl has been the making of me for sure. You can't help but get totally and utterly and embarrassingly soppy when you consider how much you love this one tiny person. Yes, she's a total pickle and some days when im exhausted I threaten DH ill trade her for cake...but the truth is I did not have the childhood DH was so incredibly lucky to have. I take the role of raising her very seriously, and I work my ass off to give her the best.

I think every mum..no matter how dedicated has fleeting thoughts of how easy life was before children and the freedom that you had..but the bottom line is it simply doesn't compare to family life.

Screw what everyone else thinks..plenty of people have children for all sorts of debatable reasons. .you sound like you and OH are ready to take the plunge. .so do it..and love every freaking second. .morning sickness and all ;)

[sweetsummerlove]

p.s. childbirth is extremely different for everyone. .unfortunately everyone loves to share their horror stories. For what its worth I loved it. the empowerment I felt after labour. .I couldn't believe I'd done that! it's a real test of your mentality really to an extent. Yes it was painful at times but I was lucky to have a relatively short labour and I was so excited the entire time ..I never felt scared. I had an awful time trying to breastfeed..that was more painful. .but I worked hard and exclusively fed for a long time. ..good luck. x

[sweetkitty]

My children have enriched my life, made me less selfish and self focused, give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning and its a joy watching them grow up.

I liked having them so much we have four, am run ragged most days but wouldn't change it for the wworld

[MysteriousHamster]

Much happier since having my son. It can be very hard at times. Less freedom. More fun rolling around the floor in a fit of giggles. Nothing beats the love I feel when I hold him.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

I am shattered but I am immeasurably happier with my lot after having my DS 23 weeks ago.

I always need to remind myself that friend's who don't have DC could well be thinking it's all hard work with no reward and I make a conscience effort to tell them I'm sorry if I ramble on for a while.

[RubyOnRails]

This thread has made me realise that I do have pnd. Quite severely going by today's antics. I find it so hard as does my husband. We love our kids but just aren't very patient playful or devoted. I hate myself. They are lovely boys and I feel like a traitor saying this.

[valiumredhead]

Ruby GP appt asap xxx

[glamstretchmarks]

I love DS so much BUT I have to be honest... I was FAR happier before :(

Having said that I am a single mum with depression, anxiety and I am young and feel I lost my youth. (I was alone for two years except seeing my parents on the weekend.)

SO for me, no, I am not happier now... I love DS, I wouldn't undo it, but I was happier before.

[JohnSnowsTie]

My experience as follows (fwiw):

Childbirth hurts, babies don't sleep, toddlers throw tantrums, I work harder now than I ever worked in full-time employment and I rarely get a night out.

But - and I mean this wholeheartedly - there genuinely is no greater joy to me than my family. And as much as I look forward to a rare night out as mentioned above, there's nothing better than going home to them at the end of it.

Don't expect it to be easy - but then the things most worthwhile in life are not.

Good luck.

[Limelight]

Having my DC is unquestionably the best thing that has ever happened to me. They are everything to me. They make me laugh and swell with pride on an hourly basis.

They are also a massive PITA, they've ruined my social life, and impacted negatively on my career (for now anyway). They've caused tears, heartbreak, sleepless nights, pain, irritation, anger, disbelief, discomfort. And I am not good at being pregnant

But I wouldn't change any of it. Today my DS (5) told me I was the best Mammy in the world for making him into Kingfisher Man for a party, and my DD (2) sang 'Daisy daisy' at top volume out of the window to the whole street. I cannot think of anything I would do with my time which is more fabulous than that.

So OP, if you do decide it's for you, have the best time!

[Almostfifty]

It's not all horrible you know.

I had four, first birth horrendous, but got over that quickly, the rest were fine. Sleepless nights, I had eight years of, but we got through it eventually.

I can honestly say that I loved almost every minute of them tiny, small, bit bigger, even bigger, walking, talking, nursery, school and now university. I remember those nights taking them to bed, reading stories with them all cuddled up next to me. Obviously we had our moments, but they really were few and far between.

We were just talking to our boys last night about how life was so much better with them around, how life in general is just much more fulfilling, and how much we love having them around. We do like our time alone these days, but it is so lovely being a family.

[TheFantasticFixit]

Oh goodness. I cannot even begin to describe how much better life is since our DD arrived. Sure, labour is shit. Sleepless nights are shit. Poo-Nami's and tantrums are shit. But my god, that little giggle, or funny face, or pat on my back as I pick her up, or the way she says 'mummmmmy?' makes EVERY shitty moment fade into nothing and my heart explodes with a love that is indescribable. Being a parent and having this incredible responsibility of raising a human being is the greatest privilege there is. Don't hesitate - it will be the best thing you have ever done.

[glamstretchmarks]

see I am the opposite... labour and sleepless nights didn't bother me at all... it's now that I can't cope with

[bigkidsdidit]

Having said ^^ that I am happier now, I am, but I would not be if I had given up work. Being at work (I'm an academic and adore my job) is absolutely fundamental to my happiness. I juggle my hours so I have lots of time at home, but being with my children is nto so happy for me that it would be enough on its own.

[TigerSwallowTail]

I'm definitely happier now that I'm a parent than I was before children. Your reasons sound perfectly valid to me.

[jellybeans]

Yes so much happier and made life meaningful and makes me a better person. Adore it.

[pinkhousesarebest]

We had children late and lived in many beautiful places around the world before and we were totally spoiled and indulged. But I was never happy the way I have been since the birth of my dcs, and they have been the making of us both. The only problem is that it will not be like this forever ( teenage years approaching).

[bakingaddict]

All I can say is that before kids I never quite understood parents who said they would die for their kids but once you have had children you understand exactly the sentiment of this statement.

Children are a beauty and joy to have and I now feel a sense of completeness that I didn't have pre-kids, it's a connection and purpose to something more than just me