Children's birthday party, wibu to leave out this girl?

[mimmum]

Just a quick one really arranging my dd's birthday party. She gets on pretty well with the Gris in her class, except or one. This girl seems to be v popular and gets on well with the other girls except for my dd who she seems to really dislike. My dd has described that this girl passes her in the classroom or corridor se always gives her a pinch or a shove. Recently sh told my dd that she was disgusting. Dd wants to invite all the girl but her, while I understand why, I'm really struggling with this as I hate excluding young children, they are 7 years old, but would I be wrong to insist dd invites her?

""My dd has described that this girl passes her in the classroom or corridor se always gives her a pinch or a shove. Recently sh told my dd that she was disgusting"
THAT is bullying behaviour. Therefore, the child is a bully!
Would you tell a grown woman that a man pinching her, shoving her & calling her derogatory names isn't a bully? Would you be telling us not to call him a bully if she sought help on here? No, because what he would be is a bully & and an abuser."

More to the point, would you, when she's a grown woman, insist that she invites the bullying man to her or your next dinner party because his colleagues are going to be there or because he was once married to her and part of the family so shouldn't be left out?

Thank goodness I'm not in UK & kids invite who they want! None of this whole class crap.

Snap!

More to the point, would you, when she's a grown woman, insist that she invites the bullying man to her or your next dinner party because his colleagues are going to be there or because he was once married to her and part of the family so shouldn't be left out?

Exactly!

FJL

I think it's the right thing to do. I would want to know if my children were bullying and having a conversation with the mum MAY be the right thing to do.

i wouldnt but i also dont invite the whole class. im in the uk but wouldnt think too at all some children just dont get on your childs birthday is about your child why should she have someone who is horrible to her there

The thing is you can't relate it to a dinner party or an abusive ex because OP's DD can't not see the girl on a day to day basis, they have to see each other every day so resolving the issue is imperative. And singling out the girl is only going to make matters worse surely?

I'm in the UK. DD has managed to have a party every single year and she invites who she wants - sometimes the whole class, sometimes not - without angst, footstamping or hurt feelings.
You don't actually have to leave the UK to do it. Although if this shitty weather doesn't let up it might be tempting.

Your child has the courage to tell you about the bullying (and that is not always the easiest thing). Please listen to her. I was bullied and have put myself in your daughters shoes. I had similar situations. I felt very betrayed by my Mum, and had a strong sense of her acting in her own interests, behaving because she wanted to please others rather than me. I was about 7/8 when I realised this. I still have a twinge when I remember it, nearly 40 years on. Please please listen to your daughter.

Your probably right Schmalzing

I tend to know most of the parents at my DS's school though and would be very careful how I approached it, certainly no accusations but lots of questions.

You're probably right though the school should definitely speak to the parent of the bully and get it stopped.

Sorry, didn't mean to imply that everyone in the UK gets sucked into the whole class party thing.

Just never known it to happen elsewhere-not that it means it doesn't.

But my goodness these made up rules sure seem to cause some angst!

Let the poor bday girl have who she wants at her party!

Really feel for you OP. A horrible dilema. I disagree with people that are saying there are hard and fast rules about who needs to be invited, whole class or all the girls etc. My Dd has been a bit hurt on occasion that she hasn't been invited to one or two parties when others have and I have talked to her about how hard it is for people to choose etc etc. Given that your Dd has to see this girl every day at school though I think I would err on the side of asking her but telling your Dd that you will be watching her like a hawk and will say something if this other child is unkind

I don't actually think it is fair that she has to invite a child who treats her like that to her party but I agree with others that excluding her and inviting ALL the other girls could very easily make things worse and even make it look as though this other little girl is the injured party.

Children are not miniature adults. I don't buy the spurious comparison of a 7-year-old child and a grown man.

If the OP's DD doesn't want to invite this child, fine. But there are ways to handle this without the intentional exclusion of one child. It's just not right for adults to treat a little girl this way.

I did have to step in when a child was truly horrible to Dd at her own party a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, it did not go down well when I told her parents how she had behaved. It was as if we had declared war. Still, I don't regret it and agree with LayMizz that you do need to make it clear to this child and or her parents that her behaviour is unacceptable.

I don't think a bully should be invited to the victims party. It's not a whole class party anyway, so it doesn't really matter if the boys and one or two girls aren't invited.

ohbuggerhelp's rules are a load of rubbish. Ignore.

It's likely that all the girls you invite can't come anyway

I wouldn't invite her.

Are there rules now? Mine are thankfully too old for all this shiz but the only 'rule' I ever had was they got to choose who they wanted subject to numbers restrictions.

I think it's a risky game you play, OP.

I'd be willing to bet money that the Not-Invited girl has a few grievances against OP's child, too. I doubt the horribleness is purely one-way.

Then she won't want to be invited/go, then, will she?

I don't think you should teach your DD that she has to be sociable with people who bully her.

I'd leave out the bully and if asked, say why. And you probably need to talk to the school again.

I would have no qualms about not inviting this girl, she is nasty to your dd and does not like her, why on earth should your dd have her at her party! as long as she is not e only Chidren in the class not to be invited tan what's te problem. Here is an early lesson for her about consequence and action

I think that excluding a child because they aren't close friends ( but aren't enemies either ) or because they have sn or the dietary requirements are deemed a pain is bloody mean,

Excluding a child because they are bullying the birthday girl? Well why should the birthday girl have a party ruined by having to worry about being bullied at her own party. How's that fair?

She's at school with this child every day and gets bullied, let her have one fun day without the worry. Not only will it ruin the party but the poor girl had to watch while get friends all go and play with the bully.