Children's birthday party, wibu to leave out this girl?

[mimmum]

Just a quick one really arranging my dd's birthday party. She gets on pretty well with the Gris in her class, except or one. This girl seems to be v popular and gets on well with the other girls except for my dd who she seems to really dislike. My dd has described that this girl passes her in the classroom or corridor se always gives her a pinch or a shove. Recently sh told my dd that she was disgusting. Dd wants to invite all the girl but her, while I understand why, I'm really struggling with this as I hate excluding young children, they are 7 years old, but would I be wrong to insist dd invites her?

[cees]

I'd go with your daughter on this and I would approach the mum and explain why you can't invite her child, maybe she will sort her dd out if she knows her child is picking on yours.

[Floggingmolly]

Oh FFS! Why should a 7 year old be expected to "be the bigger person" and invite her bully to her birthday party? What message would she take from that?
That her feelings are completely secondary to the fact that the bullying child might be upset? It's not a message I'd send to my child.

[SarahAndFuck]

Don't invite her.

There are so many posts on here where people post about friends, colleagues or relatives behaving so badly they feel bullied by them but they are afraid to speak up about it in case they hurt the bully's feelings.

Teach your daughter now that she doesn't have to put her own feelings second to those of someone who doesn't consider hers at all.

[pigletmania]

Stop mollycoddeling the bullies, 7 is not to young to realise consequence. And action. When is going to be an acceptable age, when they are 15 andtheythink they can walk over everybody and nobody will challenge them as they don't want to upset them

[Ifyoulike]

Too often I think "be the bigger person" means just suck up your own feelings and don't tread on anyone else's, no matter how they treat you.

I've seen grown women using the same phrase to justify tolerating extremely nasty and/or abusive behaviour from partners, in-laws, friends, or their own family. As if it were somehow a shameful thing to assert your own boundaries and feelings and push away those who hurt us repeatedly.

Its not. Not as an adult, and not at 7 years old. 7 is old enough to begin internalising these sorts of beliefs about your rights and boundaries vs. other people's feelings, and using them as a pattern into adulthood.

[pigletmania]

Exactly chipping, she is 7 and should understand that actions have consequences, stop mollycoddeling tats life!

[pigletmania]

Noway op has done te right thing. It's op dd party, why should she have a girl who is mean at school. The school can help tackle this, not op. it's nonsense that bullied Chidren have to invite the child who bullies them to their party

[ChippingInIsMissingHerLatte]

Oh of course you can exclude one girl, she needs to learn that her behaviour is not acceptable - she's 7 not 3.

[ChippingInIsMissingHerLatte]

mimmum good decision. 7 is old enough to know your behaviour has consequences, she's being horrible to your DD so she doesn't get invited to her party... simple really.

[GiveMumABreak]

You cannot exclude just 1 girl. Teach your daughter to be the bigger person, and try to help these two get on! Leaving 1 child off the list will exacerbate the situation.

[thezebrawearspurple]

Good on you for putting your daughter first, parties should revolve around the birthday child, not their bully.

[pigletmania]

Exactly caffeine, olive branches can be done within school nt at op dd party

[pigletmania]

In the future ifher behaviour improves and she starts being polite to op dd than yes. Before mumsnet I had never ward about this nonsense f inviting bullies to te Chidren tat they bully parties

[Wingdingdong]

Didn't the OP say somewhere that all the other girls EXCEPT this one had invited her DD to their parties, or am I imagining that?

Surely then there's no issue at all. If the girl excluded the DD, she won't be expecting an invitation and her mother presumably won't be surprised at the lack of one.

IMO it would be awkward or school-gate-gossip only if the DD had attended the girl's party and then not reciprocated.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Extending olive branches can be done at school. Like being made to work together on a project or on the same team in Pe. I really don't think a child's birthday party when it potentially could ruin it for the daughter and as they are only seven that would be a huge deal and upset her for ages.

Maybe school will tackle the problem and they will work it out and she can come to the next party.

[pigletmania]

I just wouldn't its te ops dd special day and it should be about her feeling good ad not worrying that someone who is mean to her is there

[Nanny0gg]

Has the 'bully' ever really been called on her behaviour? She's denied it, so do we know it's true? Have the other children seen it? The ones the 'bully' gets on with?
I know even 7 year-olds can be horrible, but to single one out, fairly publically, without a warning - 'Improve your behaviour, or you won't get invited to parties' - is harsh, imo. And it won't improve relations. They have got to be together for the next four years at least. Why not extend an olive branch? If it doesn't work, then Plan B can go into place.

If the 'bully's' mother was to post about the party exclusion I bet she'd get a different response.

[pigletmania]

Meant peed on me, that was te most humiliating thing which I remember 28 year later

[pigletmania]

This girl is not being invited because she has sn or is different but because she is a bully. 7 year old children can be downright nasty, I know I was bullied by them at primary school, one even peed in me . I was different and had sn

[pigletmania]

Nanny why should the op dd invite a girl who is nasty and bullying to her party. She has every right not to, and to enjoy her soecialdaywthout it being marred by te girl who is nasty to her. When will it be mre acceptable, when teir 9, 10 15! She has to learn that actions have consequences. You bully op dd you are not invited to her party

[chinam]

"I think that excluding a child because they aren't close friends ( but aren't enemies either ) or because they have sn or the dietary requirements are deemed a pain is bloody mean,

Excluding a child because they are bullying the birthday girl? Well why should the birthday girl have a party ruined by having to worry about being bullied at her own party. How's that fair?

She's at school with this child every day and gets bullied, let her have one fun day without the worry. Not only will it ruin the party but the poor girl had to watch while get friends all go and play with the bully."

This post from Where's my caffeine drip says exactly what I think - so I'm stealing it. Hope your DD enjoys her day.

[pigletmania]

Why seeker, because op does not want to invite a grl who bullies her dd and wants to invite her friends. Why should she leave a couple of friends out to save this girs feelings, it's not a big group of girls. The grl is Evan and nasty to op dd, as a consequence sh does not get invited to her party.

[Nanny0gg]

She sounds a bit of a queen bee

She's seven.

There are kinder ways of nipping Queen Bee behaviour in the bud.

And keeping a close eye on them at a party is a good start.

[seeker]

[pigletmania]

You are entirely right op good on you. You are not doing an unkind thing, this girl is being mean to your dd so as a consequence she is not invited and te others are. She sounds a bit of a queen bee