Children's birthday party, wibu to leave out this girl?

[mimmum]

Just a quick one really arranging my dd's birthday party. She gets on pretty well with the Gris in her class, except or one. This girl seems to be v popular and gets on well with the other girls except for my dd who she seems to really dislike. My dd has described that this girl passes her in the classroom or corridor se always gives her a pinch or a shove. Recently sh told my dd that she was disgusting. Dd wants to invite all the girl but her, while I understand why, I'm really struggling with this as I hate excluding young children, they are 7 years old, but would I be wrong to insist dd invites her?

[sweetestcup]

There are two sides to every story

Not always, thats exactly what I worried about when my own DS was getting bullied, and no it was never his fault. It also allows bullies away with their behaviour.

[Pagwatch]

Sweetestcup

Two sides to every story doesn't simply mean the ops DD may have done anything wrong.
It also means there may be something else going on.

DD was being bullied last year. One of the gels involved was trying to get DDs attention. And her mother was constantly comparing her negatively to DD. She was just behaving badly because of lots of conflicting things.
The school handled it really well to get to the bottom of why it was happening and the girls are actually pretty friendly now.

[Pagwatch]

Hahaha . Gels. Yes, DD goes to Mallory Towers.

[WorraLiberty]

No, there is always two sides to every story.

Even if it turns out the OP's DD has done nothing at all, it still leaves the side that would prove the other girl's a bully.

[YellowDinosaur]

In this situation there is no way I would force my child to invite someone that had been nasty to them nor would I expect to exclude other children to make the bully feel better. Political correctness gone mad...

Normally I would totally oppose excluding one child and would follow the party etiquette here. But if my child is being mistreated quite frankly party etiquette can kiss my ass.

[Pagwatch]

It's nothing to do with political correctness.

[FJL203]

Much.

[TidyDancer]

I was bullied horrifically at that age. The ringleader was the so-called perfect child. It wouldn't surprise me therefore, that the OP's DD is being targeted in a similar situation.

OP, I don't know what the right thing to do here is, but don't be swayed into thinking your DD isn't telling the truth just because the other girl is like butter wouldn't melt.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

This is such a tricky subject. DD shares a class (2class year) with ExH's OW's DD who regularly physically, verbally and by exclusion bullies my DD. A lot of this happens out of school, but some of the bruises have been so bad that the child protection officer has been involved.
4 months prior to this party DD said she did not want to invite her to her party. I said fine, but we won't be mean you have to have the type of party to which you don't invite the whole class. So that is what we did. The OW's DD did invite mine to her party which DD asked not to go to so we politely declined saying we already had another commitment.
OW has said I manipulated all of this I will not let the girls be friends as I am bitter and twisted as she won ExH (the lying cheating b***d).
My point is I now feel it does matter what you do it will be manipulated by someone.

[Pagwatch]

Much?

Well only in as much as the intention of political correctness relates to people treating each other in a way that causes minimal distress and upset.

I am perfectly content that the ops DD shouldn't have to invite this girl. I just think excluding one child is potentially confrontational and problematic for the OP and her DD. Unless of course she trends a school where she knows so few girls that it affects her ability to organise an activity yet remarkably no one will notice that only one girl is not invited.

I wouldn't expose my DD to the speculation that she is a bit of a cow. Nor would I want to explain to lots of people that this apparently nice girl is not.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

The child who picked on my DD at a similar age is now her best friend. They were between 5 and 7 and X picked on DD a lot....what is was, was an attempt to get DDs attention...a clumsy one of course but her social skills weren't great.

I talked to the school and the girls mum and they're inseperable and very good for one another. I would be more inclined to talk to school about this girl and yes, invite her.

[diddl]

It's just simple to me.

They don't like each other-they don't want to go to each others parties!

Unfortunate that it excludes one girl-but there you are!

[differentnameforthis]

She is bullying your child.
Your child has asked not to invite her.
Why would you want your child's bully in your house.

If you were being bullied at work, would you invite that person into your home?
How would you feel if your dh/dp had party for you & invited your bully along?

Bullies need to get the message that they will be excluded for their behaviour.

No way would I ever invite a child into my home who bullied my daughter.

[differentnameforthis]

Party invite etiquette rules here are as follows

School etiquette/life etiquette is that you don't bully or make people feel miserable. If you do, don't complain if you don't get invited to birthdays/sleepovers etc. People don't like bullies.

Screw "etiquette." It plays no part in anything if you are being bullied.

[KitchenandJumble]

YWBU to exclude this child. I agree with previous posters: invite all the girls or half of them. Pointedly excluding a single child is just wrong IMO.

I do wish people would not refer to this child as a bully. The OP hasn't characterized her in this way. Bullying is a serious issue and it drives me mad when people automatically use this emotive language to describe any kind of disagreement or unkindness among children. It seems that everyone I know now claims to have been bullied at school. No one I know remembers being a bully, though. Interesting, that.

Having said that, I do think the teacher in this case has not handled the situation at all well. I'd pusue the matter further.

[FJL203]

"Well only in as much as the intention of political correctness relates to people treating each other in a way that causes minimal distress and upset."

Which is fine as long as it's not fitting to add "regardless of how they behave". Inviting a bully to a little girl's birthday party when the little girl doesn't want her there owing to past/ongoing behaviour does mean that it's fitting to add that last bit. Teaching your child that they must offer hospitality to someone who physically and verbally abuses them is teaching your child to be a doormat. To me that's plain unkind and if the invitee were my child I'd be putting her feelings and welfare above the bully's.

And if excluding this kid is confrontational, what of it? Confront or lay down and take it? It's down to the school to deal with the bullying now and to deal with any bullying which is caused as a result of the OP and her daughter deciding who to invite into their home. It isn't down to the OP to pre-empt any additional bullying by issuing party invitations to the little swine.

[KitchenandJumble]

Er, pursue.

[rottentomatoes]

If you don't invite her you need to explain to the mum at least why you haven't.

[Ashoething]

YABU-they are 7 years old! all kids can be horrible at times. If you leave this one child out then you make yourself look like a bully.

[FJL203]

"If you don't invite her you need to explain to the mum at least why you haven't."

What?!

rottentomatoes, it's not the responsibilty of the OP to do anything of the sort. It's not her problem, she doesn't "need" to do anything!

[differentnameforthis]

My dd has described that this girl passes her in the classroom or corridor se always gives her a pinch or a shove. Recently sh told my dd that she was disgusting

THAT is bullying behaviour. Therefore, the child is a bully!

Would you tell a grown woman that a man pinching her, shoving her & calling her derogatory names isn't a bully? Would you be telling us not to call him a bully if she sought help on here? No, because what he would be is a bully & and an abuser.

[Startail]

General rule here, Y5-Y6 get to choose who they like and accept the consequences with respect to future friendships.

Younger than that all or just a few.

[diddl]

Thank goodness I'm not in UK & kids invite who they want!

None of this whole class crap.