Children's birthday party, wibu to leave out this girl?

[mimmum]

Just a quick one really arranging my dd's birthday party. She gets on pretty well with the Gris in her class, except or one. This girl seems to be v popular and gets on well with the other girls except for my dd who she seems to really dislike. My dd has described that this girl passes her in the classroom or corridor se always gives her a pinch or a shove. Recently sh told my dd that she was disgusting. Dd wants to invite all the girl but her, while I understand why, I'm really struggling with this as I hate excluding young children, they are 7 years old, but would I be wrong to insist dd invites her?

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Extending olive branches can be done at school. Like being made to work together on a project or on the same team in Pe. I really don't think a child's birthday party when it potentially could ruin it for the daughter and as they are only seven that would be a huge deal and upset her for ages.

Maybe school will tackle the problem and they will work it out and she can come to the next party.

[Wingdingdong]

Didn't the OP say somewhere that all the other girls EXCEPT this one had invited her DD to their parties, or am I imagining that?

Surely then there's no issue at all. If the girl excluded the DD, she won't be expecting an invitation and her mother presumably won't be surprised at the lack of one.

IMO it would be awkward or school-gate-gossip only if the DD had attended the girl's party and then not reciprocated.

[pigletmania]

In the future ifher behaviour improves and she starts being polite to op dd than yes. Before mumsnet I had never ward about this nonsense f inviting bullies to te Chidren tat they bully parties

[pigletmania]

Exactly caffeine, olive branches can be done within school nt at op dd party

[thezebrawearspurple]

Good on you for putting your daughter first, parties should revolve around the birthday child, not their bully.

[GiveMumABreak]

You cannot exclude just 1 girl. Teach your daughter to be the bigger person, and try to help these two get on! Leaving 1 child off the list will exacerbate the situation.

[ChippingInIsMissingHerLatte]

mimmum good decision. 7 is old enough to know your behaviour has consequences, she's being horrible to your DD so she doesn't get invited to her party... simple really.

[ChippingInIsMissingHerLatte]

Oh of course you can exclude one girl, she needs to learn that her behaviour is not acceptable - she's 7 not 3.

[pigletmania]

Noway op has done te right thing. It's op dd party, why should she have a girl who is mean at school. The school can help tackle this, not op. it's nonsense that bullied Chidren have to invite the child who bullies them to their party

[pigletmania]

Exactly chipping, she is 7 and should understand that actions have consequences, stop mollycoddeling tats life!

[Ifyoulike]

Too often I think "be the bigger person" means just suck up your own feelings and don't tread on anyone else's, no matter how they treat you.

I've seen grown women using the same phrase to justify tolerating extremely nasty and/or abusive behaviour from partners, in-laws, friends, or their own family. As if it were somehow a shameful thing to assert your own boundaries and feelings and push away those who hurt us repeatedly.

Its not. Not as an adult, and not at 7 years old. 7 is old enough to begin internalising these sorts of beliefs about your rights and boundaries vs. other people's feelings, and using them as a pattern into adulthood.

[pigletmania]

Stop mollycoddeling the bullies, 7 is not to young to realise consequence. And action. When is going to be an acceptable age, when they are 15 andtheythink they can walk over everybody and nobody will challenge them as they don't want to upset them

[SarahAndFuck]

Don't invite her.

There are so many posts on here where people post about friends, colleagues or relatives behaving so badly they feel bullied by them but they are afraid to speak up about it in case they hurt the bully's feelings.

Teach your daughter now that she doesn't have to put her own feelings second to those of someone who doesn't consider hers at all.

[Floggingmolly]

Oh FFS! Why should a 7 year old be expected to "be the bigger person" and invite her bully to her birthday party? What message would she take from that?
That her feelings are completely secondary to the fact that the bullying child might be upset? It's not a message I'd send to my child.

[cees]

I'd go with your daughter on this and I would approach the mum and explain why you can't invite her child, maybe she will sort her dd out if she knows her child is picking on yours.