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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you don't charge people for attending a party?

129 replies

amiapartypooper · 16/05/2013 10:25

DH and I have been invited to a party for a couple we know. They are both 40 within a couple of weeks of each other and have hired the local golf for their party.

It's not a surprise or anything, the invite has come from them but says they would appreciate it if people could contribute £15 per couple towards the costs.

I think this is just for food as I do know it doesn't include drinks as the golf club has a bar.

AIBU to think that if you organise a party at a private venue, you dont charge people to attend. If it was a meal out then fair enough, everyone would pay their own way.

Is this the start of a new trend? Are people going to start asking parents to contribute to children's birthday parties soon?

OP posts:
EasilyBored · 16/05/2013 10:27

Yeah, they are BU. It's one thing to all go out to a restaurant and pay for your own meal, but if you plan a party at a private venue, then you suck up the costs.

thebody · 16/05/2013 10:29

Yes it's rude.

cerealqueen · 16/05/2013 10:29

This does seem to be the trend given by number of times this has been mentioned on here.

Social pressure to do stuff like have parties, but actually they can't afford it, so ask the guests - it a slippery slope.

YANBU, its cheeky and I'd be inclined to decline the 'invite'.

Eskino · 16/05/2013 10:30

YANBU. If someone hosts a party, they pay for it. Or they shouldn't have a party.

Original poster
amiapartypooper · 16/05/2013 10:31

I think you might be right cerealqueen, personally, I'd die of shame asking for money for a party if I couldnt afford it. I'd rather not have the party.

OP posts:
TaffyandTeenyTaffy · 16/05/2013 10:36

WTAF? Shock YANBU.... cheeky buggers!
Like others have said different if its a restaurant. If you cant afford a big party golf club - don't have it there. Simples.

PeppermintPasty · 16/05/2013 10:37

ooh, I sort of did this once. In my defence, myself and a couple of friends were going to go out for a meal for my 40th. Our habit is just to pay for our own meals in this situation.

It snowballed a bit-our lovely friends who run a vair posh retreat/country house type place offered to put on a meal at a cut price. I didn't really have control of it by then (though of course I had agreed for it to go ahead), but it was still a party in my name, iyswim.

Anyway, I think everyone contributed a tenner and about 30-40 people ended up coming. I still Blush a bit about all those tenners.

I definitely wouldn't do this as a matter of course though.

Cailinsalach · 16/05/2013 10:37

I wouldn't go. They clearly can't afford it. It's quite tasteless to organise a party and expect people to cough up for your choices.

When it was my birthday, years ago, I organised a barbeque. I had a barrel of beer, loads of wines and spirits and mixers. Loads of chicken, sausages and burgers. I invited all my friends and partners and children and even dogs. At one point a guest informed me the gin had run out and would I mind getting some more, so I popped over the road to the offie and bought another bottle. Two months later, this person and her husband were throwing a similar style party, it was a joint birthday/ anniversary party. I brought a homemade desert, chocolates, cigars (he smoked) and flowers. They brought nothing to mine, halfway through their party I was asked for a contribution to the cost, it was suggested a £10 would do.

I left.

Mean feckers.

Pigsmummy · 16/05/2013 10:39

I have seen it on here a couple of times, I wouldn't dream of charging and wonder if it's going to become the norm? if so I wish I had waited to get married, we could have saved a fortune!

Regards this party, if you want to go then £15 isn't a lot in the scale of things, make sure that you eat LOTS of buffet food (wouldn't be hard for me) but do ask about who else is going, you are not going to be the only people sat wondering "wtf?" and you don't want to be the only ones there!

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 16/05/2013 10:41

YANBU.

You can say "we are going out for a meal, would you like to join us?"
You can't say "Come to our party. That'll be £15 please"

Am I alone in thinking this is the next ominous trend for weddings?

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 16/05/2013 10:42

Whats wrong with having parties at home? I wouldn't dream of asking for people to contribute to my party.

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 16/05/2013 10:43

Do you have to pay on the door or can you get discount for paying in advance? Grin

Do you get a stamp for paying?

Original poster
amiapartypooper · 16/05/2013 10:47

I have wondered about the actual administration of this Grin, I mean, are they going to have bouncers on the door who check to make sure you've paid your £15 or refuse you entry!

OP posts:
SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 16/05/2013 10:50

Maybe you fo get a stamp so you get food. Those with no stamp get no food.

Or do you get wristbands? Isn't there flyers going out which means entry is cheaper?

Grin
SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 16/05/2013 10:51

If you go in before a certain time is it cheaper like nightclubs?

Or a group discount if there's a few of you. For £15 you might as well stay home and get a tale away

Startail · 16/05/2013 10:52

I don't think I'd mind, but I don't get out much. If by charging a £10-15 people can provide a really buffet and music instead if £25 a head for an indifferent meal, why not?

lydiajones · 16/05/2013 10:53

Very rude, especially as there is not a free bar!!

NatashaBee · 16/05/2013 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
amiapartypooper · 16/05/2013 10:56

starfish you must be a much nicer person than me!

At least with a meal you get to chose what you eat!

OP posts:
Startail · 16/05/2013 11:00

But then I'm happy to give money as a wedding gift.

Both my cousins treated us to a jolly nice weekend away, why the hell shouldn't they have a nice holiday after all that planning. One couple now have a baby, so I guessed correctly safari was last adult holiday before TTC.

I guess I don't get out much except to weddings and private parties having no babysitting and I don't see it as Their wedding or their party I see it as, hopefully a fun night for everyone. I don't see why someone else should pay for by fun.

If you want to be miserable stay home and watch East Enders.

Startail · 16/05/2013 11:00

My fun

Original poster
amiapartypooper · 16/05/2013 11:03

Strange comparision there starfish in this case the couple are providing nothing and expecting others to pay for it.

It is not at all the same as giving someone a cash wedding gift and justifying it by saying that treated you for their wedding- in fact it is virtually the opposite.

OP posts:
Startail · 16/05/2013 11:06

Not nicer, as I say I don't get out much, no babysitting and an antisocial DH who will go out and enjoy it if it's an event he can't get out of, but not otherwise.

Also lots of the social stuff I've been involved in has been student societies or flat mates, DHs works BBQ rota or NCT and school things where you wouldn't dream of not all chipping in.

ConferencePear · 16/05/2013 11:08

YANBU. I would have a previous engagement.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 16/05/2013 11:09

YANBU, I think it is a damn cheek to invite someone to a party and then charge them. I certainly wouldn't be going. If they can't afford to throw a party they shouldn't have one! Are they expecting a present too???

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