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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you don't charge people for attending a party?

129 replies

amiapartypooper · 16/05/2013 10:25

DH and I have been invited to a party for a couple we know. They are both 40 within a couple of weeks of each other and have hired the local golf for their party.

It's not a surprise or anything, the invite has come from them but says they would appreciate it if people could contribute £15 per couple towards the costs.

I think this is just for food as I do know it doesn't include drinks as the golf club has a bar.

AIBU to think that if you organise a party at a private venue, you dont charge people to attend. If it was a meal out then fair enough, everyone would pay their own way.

Is this the start of a new trend? Are people going to start asking parents to contribute to children's birthday parties soon?

OP posts:
StealthOfficialCrispTester · 16/05/2013 16:28

yes, nothing wrong with a share party - unless you expect ALL guests to do it, including the ones who are travelling for hours by train to come to your party :o

FJL203 · 16/05/2013 16:31

I only got as far as the OP.

This is me --> Shock

TaffyandTeenyTaffy · 16/05/2013 16:39

Nothing wrong with bring and share or students chipping in/clubbing together for punch booze at house parties

We regularly have family get-togethers where the host provides the food and most of the drink and guests bring a bottle and a plate of sandwiches/snacks for our late-night munchies Grin

Not sure if this is cheeky .... or just plain rude!

miffybun73 · 16/05/2013 17:30

YANBU, very rude and very odd.

MrsMelons · 16/05/2013 17:32

FJL203 - The OP is talking about you or you have done this on another occasion????

MrsMelons · 16/05/2013 17:35

Taking food or drink to a party at someones house is totally different, I would always ask if they need me to bring something. Asking for a contribution to a party is weird IMO.

I am also always the host and it gets expensive but my close friends are pretty considerate and always bring stuff, there are some who are not so close who never even bring a bottle of wine but are happy to drink all mine but to be honest if I couldn't afford to supply food and drink I wouldn't.

manticlimactic · 16/05/2013 17:39

I think FJL means her face looks like that Shock

hecsy I was thinking the exact same thing. Even the comment about the need for bouncers made me check the date of the thread.

FJL203 · 16/05/2013 17:40

Oh my word, no MrsMelons! I meant "This is the open-mouthed, shocked expression I'm currently wearing because I'm so appalled that anyone should be so rude as to invite another person to a party and then expect them to pay"!

MrsMelons · 16/05/2013 17:44

Grin oops sorry - I was waiting for it to kick off ha ha!!!

JenaiMorris · 16/05/2013 17:48

I'd much rather someone could have a party because they'd got everyone to contribute, then they not have one at all.

If there was more of this, there'd be more parties.

I'm all for it.

hellohellohihi · 16/05/2013 17:48

A few years ago a friend of mine offered to host a dinner party in honor of some friends who were home for a trip (they live abroad). There were 5 couples, one brought dessert, we all took dessert. The hosts cooked fishermans pie. We were asked for a £10 per couple contribution and I was outraged. It's not a lot of money but the principle..... We were all kid-free and renting cheapie flats and earning FT salaries.

Don't host something you can't afford, regardless of the venue.

hellohellohihi · 16/05/2013 17:50
  • we all took booze.
expatinscotland · 16/05/2013 18:01

And you paid it, hello? I'd have said no and left.

Original poster
amiapartypooper · 16/05/2013 18:09

I do think it is really spooky that there was another thread like this- I didnt see it otherwise I wouldnt have started another one.

I am genuinely asking for the first time- I guess the bouncer comment is a natural progression in a situation like this as I really can't see how they can impose the charge anyway.

I am very intrigued by jenaimorris's comment- I suppose there have to be some people out there who find this acceptable otherwise it wouldnt happen. Have you ever had or been to a chargable party jenai?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 16/05/2013 18:13

Mugs find it acceptable.

Decoy · 16/05/2013 18:14

I'd much rather someone could have a party because they'd got everyone to contribute, then they not have one at all.

But surely if everyone justs pays for their own party, and not to attend other people's, the total amount everyone has to pay in the long run is the same? You could put a bit aside for hosting your own party, every time you don't have to pay to attend someone else's.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 16/05/2013 18:21

Nobody thinks you're not genuine, I promise.

I think that someone else has previously talked about the same party!

Too many details are so familiar.

I wish I could find it.

Original poster
amiapartypooper · 16/05/2013 18:28

I really hope someone else has posted about this party hecsy it would be so funny if no-one turned up because they all found it unacceptable.

expat you are right and its only if mugs enable these money grabbing spongers to act this way, by paying their party fees, that they will get away with it.

For what it's worth I have declined the invitation!

OP posts:
JenaiMorris · 16/05/2013 18:32

I'm sure if I have been to such a party, other than really informal house things where everyone brings some food and some booze (but not cash!).

Oh and group weekends in rented cottages for big birthdays, but then I suppose you have an organiser rather than a host and that's different Confused

I dunno, I'm always the odd one out on these threads. Like (and I'll mention it for the billionth time) the woman who suggested perfectly reasonably that her family might like to throw a few bob her way for Christmas dinner.

Decoy, do people have party funds? I suppose they might do. I still think that if we all embraced spreading the cost between us all there'd be more parties. I like parties.

JenaiMorris · 16/05/2013 18:34

I'm not sure if I have I mean.

I feel like the MN loon Blush

QuiteOldGal · 16/05/2013 18:45

is this the thread

When I read it, i though I am sure i have read this before , but a couple of weeks ago

GlassofRose · 16/05/2013 18:56

Cailinsalach Thu 16-May-13 10:37:57
I wouldn't go. They clearly can't afford it. It's quite tasteless to organise a party and expect people to cough up for your choices.

^
This!

I think that applies to parties, weddings and anything else people invite you to celebrate with them. People want what they can't afford and so plan what they want and expect you to fork out for it.

The first member of my family to ever send a begging invite got a "sorry we can't make it. After inviting to a pay bar (just doesn't happen in my family) for a wedding 3 hours away and asking for a cash gift.

I would like to ban people from asking for cash gifts, asking for contributions/pay bars at parties and weddings (have it at home if you can't afford it, don't expect your guests to pay your venue's ridiculous prices to celebrate your occasion)

Makes my blood boil!

Charlesroi · 16/05/2013 19:04

No, I think it's rude too. Probably because they've booked an expensive venue (cash bar! at a golf club! Shock) and now expect their choice to be subsidised, And expect a present.

If you can't afford a big posh party then I don't think there's anything wrong in saying so, and just having a do in your back garden. I wouldn't think it rude if I got an invite to a pot luck, bring a bottle party. They are often more fun anyway.

Your friends lack style and I wouldn't be attending.

MortifiedAdams · 16/05/2013 19:14

Dear me. Glad you have declined.

I was just telling DH about this, and he said he thinks its OK to ask, and we, we have been asked for a £5 donation per person for a wedding we have been invited to.in July. I am certain that it is for an activity avaliable at the venue but he says apparently not.

Thankfully we declined anyways (onoy just found out about the fiver today), as attending another wedding on the same day. I have insisted he bring the invite home from.work tomorrow.so I can oggle at the gall of asking for a fiver per head for.a.wedding.

DeskPlanner · 16/05/2013 19:35

Mortified, have you anyway of finding out what the £5 is for ? It sounds very odd and I'm most interested.