to resent my partner buying a new PS3, when I can't afford ante natal classes

[Jadems]

Want to throttle my partner at the moment. Just found out that he's bought a new PS3 (replacing the somehow broken current one), with a plan not to tell me. The plan is to 'switch' over the two, so I won't notice.

Wouldn't normally mind. But. We're really short of money at the moment. Keep being told that we need to cut back. I'm not working, we're paying out a huge CSA bill due to assessment of gross not net income, due to have to pay out a huge tax bill due to tax mix up, paying for a barrister for DP's residency issues with his ex- wife and our first baby is due in late July. I'm not able to afford maternity clothes (currently wearing a size 6 skirt that won't zip up fully any more), and just had to cancel my place on the NCT ante natal course because of lack of funds.

AIBU to want to kill him. I know it's 'his' money as he earns it, but to expect me to have to wing pushing a person out of my vagina when we can't afford ante natal care whilst he can afford 'boys toys' - this is really pushing ALL my buttons.

He doesn't*

"DP has a really good relationship with his daughter. He's not so good at the organisey, mumsy stuff so I tend to do a lot of that when she's with us - taking/collecting her from school as DP works in the city, making sure that she's got suitable and weather appropriate clothing, helping with homework etc"

Can you define his good relationship with his daughter? If he doesn't take her to school, help with homework etc, what does he do with her?

How much paternity leave is he planning on taking when your DS arrives, or will he just work in the city then, and leave it all up to you at home?

I hate the term 'baggage' but I wouldn't have even gone on a date with thus guy, let alone conceived by him.

This.

And I'd also suspect that he was lying about his finances, seeing as he's quite happy to lie about other stuff.

I now remember your last thread about this guy. He was a waster then and is still. Go back to your folks, have baby and get a new job.

So he doesn't even look after his daughter when she's staying with him and leaves you to do it?

Perhaps waste of space was generous....

So he's organised enough to hold down a 60k job but he can't organise himself to get his daughter to school.....?

You chose to conceive in the knowledge that there are already high CSA bills and lawyers bills for the as yet unresolved residency of your partner's existing child?

What a headache.

"I'm just a bit worried that I'll be expected to give birth in about 12 weeks, and I haven't a bloody clue. No family or friends nearby, and a partner who can't stand blood, needles or anything vaguely medical. I'm a bit screwed if I have anything other than a standard delivery".

That could have been written by me, except that both of us can't stand blood, needles or anything vaguely medical. I didn't attend ante-natal classes of any kind.

I managed. And I don't mean "just about coped", I mean I managed perfectly well. I'm sure you will too - don't frighten yourself. It's really not as hard or scary as you think. Take advantage of advice from midwife/GP and the wealth of written information in hard copy and online and try not to frighten yourself.

I imagine your partner as one of those absolute twats you seen on One Born Every Minute

I watch that programme sometimes and think "you poor woman"

Poor or stupid.

Had it out with him. Via text as he's been out drinking in London since work. Didn't want to go away without talking to him, but pretty pointless decision I can now see.

Told 'pack your stuff and fuck off, go sponge off someone else'.

Nice

Please follow his advice.

Well the first part anyway as in packing your bags, not the sponging bit obviously.

Go to your family and breathe a sigh of relief.

In tears now, I'm not some bloody scrounger and makes me so angry to be made out to be one.

I NEVER ask him for anything. Sold my iphone and ipad to get money, and ended up spending it on school stuff for his daughter and picture frames for prints that had needed framing for months.

I take his daughter to school, do all the household stuff, iron his bloody shirts, make sure everyone has nice meals to eat...but apparently that doesn't count for anything.

I'm not some bloody sponger.

So what are you going to do now

This is how little he thinks of you

You can't impress him by making yourself a doormat

Stop doing it...he despises you

I am sorry, but the more you cling and cry, the more he will wipe his feet on you

What do you think he is doing right now ? Laughing with his friends in the bar about the pathetic snivelling woman at home (in his eyes)

Wake up, lady

I've got a train booked in the morning to go and stay with my Aunt. So that's a few days breathing space. Longer term I've got no idea. I'd work 24 hours a day scrubbing floors if I had to, if I meant that I didn't have to rely on him - but the very reason I need work so badly at the moment, is also the reason that noone will employ me. 7 month pregnant ladies aren't too in demand for some reason.

I just wish I had parents or something to go home to. Guess I've just got to see what's available for me. Don't know even if I'll be entitled to any housing etc if I go home.

Ah, OP, I'm really sorry...complete and utter tosser. You are so much better off without him. You probably don't' want to hear this right now, but if you do take his advice (and I hope you do) his twuntishness will not disappear: plan to have no financial support or any other kind of support off him what-so-ever and plan for silly bullshit games when it comes to contact/residency.

Here are some for you and big hugs.

You need to go home to Wales and leave this arsehole. You and your baby deserve better.

Go now. It will be easier pre-birth than after it. Can you honestly say this man is worth spending your life with.

Finally make sure you contact the CSA and screw the fucker for everything you're entitled to.

I really wouldn't want to even be there when he gets home tonight. Is there not a Premier Inn type place within walking distance you can go to now?

Otherwise I can just tell what will happen when he gets in later...

He's just got in. I've gone downstairs and looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch again tonight.

What a Prince Among Men

Leaves his pg partner that looks after his kid by another woman crying while he strolls in after 10pm post a spot of abusing her on the phone

Make that sofa you are sleeping in a different county tomorrow, or suck up more of the same and worse when your baby comes along

I would pack and go.

Would amuse me to see how great his residency case is going to go now your not about and how interesting it is when he has to pay csa for your child.

I probably wouldn't make it easy for him to play silly games by putting him on the birth cert its usually best not to with blokes like that.

Be careful. If he's been out on the lash this isn't the time to carry on the argument.

Ah Jadems I am sorry he is such a total and utter tosspot. pack your bags and go stay with your aunt, go down to citizens advice to find out what you would be entitled to and start making plans for a life for you and your Ds without this waste of space in it.