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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent my partner buying a new PS3, when I can't afford ante natal classes

201 replies

Jadems · 15/05/2013 18:25

Want to throttle my partner at the moment. Just found out that he's bought a new PS3 (replacing the somehow broken current one), with a plan not to tell me. The plan is to 'switch' over the two, so I won't notice.

Wouldn't normally mind. But. We're really short of money at the moment. Keep being told that we need to cut back. I'm not working, we're paying out a huge CSA bill due to assessment of gross not net income, due to have to pay out a huge tax bill due to tax mix up, paying for a barrister for DP's residency issues with his ex- wife and our first baby is due in late July. I'm not able to afford maternity clothes (currently wearing a size 6 skirt that won't zip up fully any more), and just had to cancel my place on the NCT ante natal course because of lack of funds.

AIBU to want to kill him. I know it's 'his' money as he earns it, but to expect me to have to wing pushing a person out of my vagina when we can't afford ante natal care whilst he can afford 'boys toys' - this is really pushing ALL my buttons.

OP posts:
flippinada · 15/05/2013 20:36

I think that home is the place to be, if your will get support there. At the very least it will give you some space to decide what you want to do.

AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 20:39

Oh dear. what a sorry mess of a man you are mixed up with

All these financial "mistakes" he has made, and then blamed on someone else

is the mother of his other children a gold digging psycho bitch who is a shit mother by any chance ?

My advice to you is to move back to Wales right now

you won't take it though, and you will hate me for dissing your man

it's how it goes... until you eventually wise up

dinkystinky · 15/05/2013 20:49

Jadems - are you happy in this relationship? You sound isolated and a long way from home - not an issue with a supportive partner, but do you have a supportive partner? I'd really advise posting in relationships - there are some very clear sighted posters there who casn help you decide what you really want for you sand your baby.

teamboleyn · 15/05/2013 20:49

What did he do with the additional £1000 or so in his pay every month if he wasn't paying any tax?

FrozenDough · 15/05/2013 20:50

Everyone sayin this man is a waste of space etc are fkn ridiculous op's only gave 1 example ov his selfish behaviour and your all ganging up on him u's really need 2 get a grip!

AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 20:52
Hmm
dinkystinky · 15/05/2013 20:53

Really Frozen dough? Op has given examples of money issues despite his amazing salary, that he is not going to be a supportive birth partner, that she can't speak to him about her issue with his use of money - and lying to her about the use - in financial straits and you think people are over reacting by saying he doesn't sound a prize catch?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 15/05/2013 20:55

I would definitely go back to South Wales. It is cheaper to live there and you will be with people who love and care for you. It doesn't need to be a permanent decision now - just some time out.

BTW, get on Freecycle and ask for maternity clothes, baby stuff etc.

StuntGirl · 15/05/2013 20:58

Sweetheart, I know you might not think it but you really absolutely can go back home. You can leave him. You can. It will be hard and scary at first but it will also be a thousand times easier than trying to do it after the baby is here.

Good luck for your driving test tomorrow Flowers

MammaTJ · 15/05/2013 20:59

Even the threat of you going home and him having to pay CSA for another child will have him quaking in his boots.

I think you should do it, not just threaten it. You don't sound happy, he lied to you.

Frozen I am not sayign that because of one example of selfish behaviour but because the OP has actually made me want to give her a hug and take her back to Wales myself. She sounds so miserable.

flippinada · 15/05/2013 21:00

It's not just just one mistake though. We're all human and anyone can make a mistake - it's how you handle it and what you learn from it that matters.

There's a whole load of 'mistakes' here made by the man in question that indicate someone who is (at best) financially irresponsible.

FrozenDough · 15/05/2013 21:03

I'm not condoning his behaviour i think it's selfish too i just think sum people are a bit ott on here sometimes

FrozenDough · 15/05/2013 21:06

flippinda your first paragragh very wise words

AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 21:06

Would you live with it, FD, or do you just think that other people should ?

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 15/05/2013 21:07

Then go home, OP. You are between jobs so what difference would it make to go home? At least you wouldn't have to cope with him being passive aggressive and making a joint problem into your problem. He sounds like an utter knob. I think you just worked out why his last relationship ended.

flippinada · 15/05/2013 21:14

Thank you FrozenDough, but I think it's also worth paying attention when someone keeps making the same mistakes over and over again.

Also, something you might be prepared to put up with or overlook when you're with a partner (like being messy, or a bit hopeless with money) takes on new significance when you bring a child into the mix.

DontMeanToBeRudeBut · 15/05/2013 21:21

North Herts has so much going on for mums and babies, you will be fine for the social side once baby is here. For now, have a look at aqua natal classes or antenatal yoga if you want to meet other women in the same position. You could also have a look at the Lazy Daisy antenatal classes (run in areas other than the one I've linked to too), which are also good for birth relaxation techniques and socialising. They aren't as informative as the NCT classes but are much cheaper.

Have you had a hospital tour? If not then book one ASAP with your midwife so you can look round the unit and have an opportunity to ask lots of questions.

As for your question, YANBU and my DH is currently living out of a suitcase in a youth hostel somewhere after I kicked him out for the same sort of behaviour. I'd recommend relationship counselling now and doing your utmost to nip this petty selfishness in the bud.

FrozenDough · 15/05/2013 21:21

AnyFucker i don't kno the full story so i can't say wether i'd live with it or not

M0naLisa · 15/05/2013 21:24

Go to your local sure start centre antenatal classes are free

Numberlock · 15/05/2013 21:24

We know enough to know it's a deal breaker

  • shit with money
  • disrespectful
  • unresolved issues with ex and other children
  • sulker/passive aggressive
  • unsupportive

Not necessarily in that order and I can't think of anything to write in the + column.

AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 21:25

but you are telling others off for saying she shouldn't have to ?

bad form

AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 21:25

last post was to FD

AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 21:26

he's good at impregnating women and then fucking up their relationship ?

it's a skill, of sorts

Numberlock · 15/05/2013 21:28

Ha ha, well done for turning a negative into a positive AF!

BibiBlocksberg · 15/05/2013 21:29

We all make mistakes, it's only human.

The older I get though the more I find that there is always a choice available to correct those mistakes.

There is usually a price to pay for the correction in course (be it emotional, financial or both) and the sooner I can admit to myself exactly what error i made the less I end up suffering.

The trick is deciding what price I would have to pay to get out of a given situation, if I'm willing to pay it and if not, why not.

This man is not going to change op, especially not when Lo is actually here. You'll end up with two children to sort out, one of them fully grown.

I wish you courage in making the choices that will lead you and your child to happiness.

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