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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Miss/Mrs/Ms

159 replies

MephistophelesSister · 13/05/2013 20:26

I don't usually get to het up about Miss/Mrs/Ms (and apologies in advance, because I know the debate crops up on here fairly frequently) But I am trying to buy some insurance, and am starting to lose my temper.

I am married, but I sometimes use my maiden name. For this particular insurance I actually need to use my maiden name. However, if I try and select 'Miss', the helpful website blocks me from proceeding with the message 'marital status does not correspond with title'.

I am fully entitled to use the prefix Dr. Unfortunately loads of websites won't offer this as an option (which is a pity, as I find it a handy dodge). In this case they will, but I gained my doctorate under my married name, so that doesn't sit right.

I can't (or really, really, shouldn't) lie about my marital status - that would put me on shaky ground if I ever came to claim, and might influence the quote. But as far as I know there is no law against/reason why a married woman can't continue to use her maiden name and prefix it with 'Miss'?

Using 'Mrs' in front of my maiden name just seems wrong, and I have simply never liked 'Ms'.

[Wails] why can't they just let me have it my way!!!

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 13/05/2013 20:29

Does Ms allow you to use your name of choice?

Shallishanti · 13/05/2013 20:31

well, Miss indicates an unmarried woman, Mrs indicates a married woman, and Ms indicates an adult woman whose marital status is not given. So I'd agree with your insurers!
I have had problems in that I am Ms ThenameIwasbornwith and some ignorant people/orgs consider this means I cannot be married (in fact I am) but I soon put them right.
I think you need to learn to like Ms Grin

HollyBerryBush · 13/05/2013 20:32

Miz just sounds like a bee stuck in a bottle. Awful prefix. Makes my piles itch.

Original poster
MephistophelesSister · 13/05/2013 20:32

Yes - but I have never used it and really don't like it. I am going to end up looking really unreasonable, aren't I? Smile

I think I am just a bit too old - when I grew up it really was only divorced women who used Ms, and it still has that connotation for me.

I actually bin any mail addressed to Ms Meph on the grounds it is not addressed to me Blush

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 13/05/2013 20:34

I don't see why you can't choose Miss and married. I am with you- can't stand Ms.

WilsonFrickett · 13/05/2013 20:34

YABU. Miss means unmarried, as Shall says, Ms means 'feck off and mind your own' which is why I like it.

But you cannot have le cake and mange it, I'm afraid.

Shallishanti · 13/05/2013 20:34

ah, well I bin anything addressed to Mrs Mypartnerssurname! I also get Ms myname-hisname, I pass that to my daughter!

Shallishanti · 13/05/2013 20:36

well, you can choose Miss and be married, but people will be confused, and reasonably so, also the computer will say no!

VinegarDrinker · 13/05/2013 20:37

Confused.com was convinced being a doctor was incompatible with being married and female last time I tried to buy car insurance a couple of years ago Hmm

Hassled · 13/05/2013 20:37

Oh just use Ms. It's fine - it's the catch-all for exactly this sort of scenario. I am Ms Hassled (maiden name) and married - makes perfect sense to me. I don't want to use DH's name and be Mrs Bloggs, but yet Miss implies unmarried. Ms is the hinterland between the two.

quesadilla · 13/05/2013 20:38

I struggle with this. I instinctively hate the po-facedness of Ms although I totally get why it needs to exist. Hate all three. Miss sounds Victorian, Mrs Stepford Wife-ish and Ms humourless and self important. Can I just use Mr?

Original poster
MephistophelesSister · 13/05/2013 20:38

But you can legally call yourself whatever you fancy, surely?

That must also extend to titles [grasps at straws]

I have one bank account in my maiden name (prefixed with Miss)

...and one in my married name (prefixed with Mrs).

Bank are happy - why not insurance comparison site??!!

OP posts:
LadySlatternlysHoover · 13/05/2013 20:40

I am married but use Ms. I don't think of it as relating to somebody that is divorced but more of a "none of your bloody business whether I am married or not".

Original poster
MephistophelesSister · 13/05/2013 20:40

quesadilla I suspect the website might explode if I try 'Mr' Grin

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 13/05/2013 20:41

Because they're not there to make you happy, they are there to extract the maximum amount of information from you in the minimum amount of text boxes. It really is as simple as that. There's an algorhythm (sp?) somewhere which doesn't let you tick 'married' and 'miss'. Untick married and you can call yourself what you like.

LadySlatternlysHoover · 13/05/2013 20:42

I think you can call yourself whatever you like but it would probably help if you were consistent.

PuppyMonkey · 13/05/2013 20:47

God forbid people might think you were .... DIVORCED Shock

Just put Ms and get on with your life.

Original poster
MephistophelesSister · 13/05/2013 20:48

Unticking 'married' changes the material facts though, Wilson and I am chary of doing that in case I invalidate the insurance.

re consistency Lady slatt the trouble is, I lead a fascinating double life I married fairly late on, so loads of stuff that it is a huge hassle to change still sits in my maiden name.

OP posts:
Original poster
MephistophelesSister · 13/05/2013 20:50

PuppyMonkey I can see your point Blush.

Ms has just never been my name, and it doesn't sound right to me.

I am just annoyed that they presume to dictate how I am addressed, I suppose.

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteagain · 13/05/2013 20:50

Does it really matter? Aren't there other things to worry about?

msrisotto · 13/05/2013 20:51

Just call the insurers?

SconeRhymesWithGone · 13/05/2013 20:53

To me, it is an equality issue. Why should men have a title that in no way indicates whether they are married, but women historically did. Miss and Mrs. are both abbreviations of Mistress as is Ms. And honestly I do not get objections to the sound of it: English is fill of "z" sounds. Although I am not sure why a title is required at all. What if you were Quaker and it was against your religion to use a title?

CitizenOscar · 13/05/2013 20:54

YABU. Just use Ms. There is nothing wrong with it. Problem solved.

This whole discussion just highlights why everyone should just use Ms and be done with it. Unless you're a Mr, of course, or Dr/Lady/Princess Wink

PuppyMonkey · 13/05/2013 20:56

I'm Countess on Sainsbury's Online anyway Grin titles are all a load of balls, IMHO.

50shadesofknackered · 13/05/2013 20:58

What really REALLY gets on my tits is when I receive post addressed to mrs dh initial or first name and then our surname!!! Angry Angry Angry my first name is not the same as my husbands and just because I am married and was talked into have taken dh surname, does not mean I have morphed into some mindless married drone who doesn't even deserve to keep her own first name! Bastards! It drives me fucking crazy! It makes it worse coz dh's family are the worst culprits, every friggin birthday card addressed in this way. It makes me especially Confused coz its women sending the cards. I know where they can shove their cards, tossers!