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Original poster

Miss/Mrs/Ms

159 replies

MephistophelesSister · 13/05/2013 20:26

I don't usually get to het up about Miss/Mrs/Ms (and apologies in advance, because I know the debate crops up on here fairly frequently) But I am trying to buy some insurance, and am starting to lose my temper.

I am married, but I sometimes use my maiden name. For this particular insurance I actually need to use my maiden name. However, if I try and select 'Miss', the helpful website blocks me from proceeding with the message 'marital status does not correspond with title'.

I am fully entitled to use the prefix Dr. Unfortunately loads of websites won't offer this as an option (which is a pity, as I find it a handy dodge). In this case they will, but I gained my doctorate under my married name, so that doesn't sit right.

I can't (or really, really, shouldn't) lie about my marital status - that would put me on shaky ground if I ever came to claim, and might influence the quote. But as far as I know there is no law against/reason why a married woman can't continue to use her maiden name and prefix it with 'Miss'?

Using 'Mrs' in front of my maiden name just seems wrong, and I have simply never liked 'Ms'.

[Wails] why can't they just let me have it my way!!!

OP posts:
VerySmallSqueak · 14/05/2013 14:36

Thanks olgaga.I suppose I changed everything immediately as I didn't realise I had any other option.

It's interesting to know that a woman could open a bank account in their maiden name if she so wished ( but would ID in that name not be a problem?).
Also I was pondering the other day that with a FB account in a womans' married name,friends you lost touch with before you married wouldn't be able to contact you - so that's again a point of interest.

Well, I learn something new every day on MN!

Frostybean · 14/05/2013 14:51

I think all women should use Ms whether married, single or divorced. Marital status should be irrelevant. However, in the real world I know that it is as when DP tried to put me on his insurance they wanted to increase the premium but when I put him on mine they decreased my premium. The person on the phone said that the insurers feel 'safer' knowing that a man will potentially be able to drive the car Hmm
I hate the fact that women's status is still attributed to thier married state.

HazleNutt · 14/05/2013 14:59

"'safer' knowing that a man will potentially be able to drive the car" - what kind of logic is that? Men are not safer drivers Confused

bollockstoit · 14/05/2013 15:01

When I worked at an insurance company, it usually made it cheaper if a spouse or partner was put on the policy, whether they were male or female was irrelevant. All insurance companies have different underwriting though.

olgaga · 14/05/2013 15:02

You could only open a new bank account in your single name as long as you hadn't changed your name at all and had the required ID in that name. I wouldn't be able to open a new one now in my single name because all the required ID is now in my married name.

I managed to open a joint BS account with DH because it basically came with our mortgage - which is jointly in the married name.

Because of course I had changed my passport by then!

It's all a bit of a jumble - but I manage. I keep thinking one day I'll just get round to changing the whole lot to my married name, which is after all DDs name. But it's even more daunting now - so that's a good argument for doing it sooner rather than later.

It's no problem to be known by more than one name, as long as it's not for the purpose of committing a crime!

WillieWaggledagger · 14/05/2013 15:12

yy bollocks, my grandfather tried to get my grannie taken off the insurance as she doesn't drive at all any more and they said that he might as well leave her on because the premium would increase with just him on there

woozlebear · 14/05/2013 15:12

I was a Colonel once on a credit account with Bathstore!! Grin It made me laugh every time the monthly bill turned up.

(Actually just plain old Mrs.)

Poledra · 14/05/2013 15:17

VerySmallSqueak, I still use my maiden name for work. So, I'm Dr. MaidenName and Ms. MarriedName at my DCs' school, for instance. I choose to keep my maiden name as I had worked and published under that name for some years before I married, and didn't want to lose my professional reputation. I have bank accounts in both names. You're right, it can cause problems with ID, but my passport, which is in my married name, has a note on it stating that 'The holder is also know as Doctor Poledra MaidenName', so I do have official ID in my maiden name.

You can actually use as many names as you please as long as you are not doing it for fraudulent purposes. I queried this with my accountant (also known as my BIL Grin) when he was helping me with tax returns, and he said that there was no reason why the tax man couldn't cope with it, as long as my NI number was consistent.

ComposHat · 14/05/2013 15:18

I was a Colonel once on a credit account with Bathstore

I applied for a job where it had a vast array of titles on the electronic application. I was tempted to select Wing Commander then put in brackets (just in the bedroom)

Decoy · 14/05/2013 15:52

What about unmarried men who'd prefer to be known as "Master" until they get married, only then becoming Mr?

Oh wait, there aren't any...

ATJabberwocky · 14/05/2013 16:00

I always thought Ms was for divorced women, I have always used Mrs. maiden-husbands name - it never occurred to do otherwise. I do think it would be good to adopt this though as why should a woman's title give indication of marital status. Personally OP, I'd ring up and have it put as Dr.

EldritchCleavage · 14/05/2013 16:02

I'm Miss Maiden name, and married.

Lots of women who started out in my profession where women were traditionally Miss Surname just stay that way, though many are Mrs Married Name outside work. So in practical terms for me, Miss doesn't actually tell anyone at work my marital status.

I don't like Ms. I think of Miss as all-purpose female title to be used married or not. I think we should abolish Ms and Mrs, actually.

Decoy · 14/05/2013 16:02

Ms hasn't been primarily for divorced women for years!

HazleNutt · 14/05/2013 16:11

many other countries used to have unmarried/married woman titles, but are now using the married ones as default for all women. This is a way more reasonable solution than inventing a third title for women who don't want to announce their marital status. So the logical solution would have been just to call all adult women Mrs.
However, Ms. can work perfectly fine as well - I work a lot with americans and have never been addressed as anything but Ms. It's just in UK where people assume you must be divorced feminist lesbian spinster.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/05/2013 16:12

I don't mind whether it is Miss, Ms or Mrs but there definitely ought to be one all-purpose female title.

Maiden name is another phrase I would like to see the back of. I have a surname, if I changed it I would have a previous surname not a maiden name.

M10s · 14/05/2013 16:13

In the world of registration (births, deaths and marriages) 'ms' stands for 'maiden surname'.

If you think it's difficult to get a computerised system to accept a title 'miss' along with a married status, you should try it with no title at all. I don't select any of the options (mr, mrs, ms, miss) and find that completely freaks most systems out.

Poledra · 14/05/2013 16:20

WhoKnowsWheretheTimeGoes, totally agree with you - was thinking while typing 'maiden name' that I didn't like using the term but couldn't think how else to put it! But my 'maiden' name is not a previous name as I use both - maybe I should just call it my surname as opposed to DH's surname.

VerySmallSqueak · 14/05/2013 16:27

Poledra thanks Smile. Sometimes I miss my 'maiden' name but it seems it's altogether easier to use it 'officially' if you haven't already stopped using it altogether.

It seems that I may follow in others footsteps and become a Professor or Lieutenant or something at times just to satisfy that peculiar Bourne-esque urge I have lurking.....Grin

WhoKnows I'd never thought about maiden name being so...well...crap! You are,of course,right to object imo.

VerySmallSqueak · 14/05/2013 16:29

(Altogether too many altogethers there......)

M10s · 14/05/2013 16:32

Poledra you could refer to them as 'registered surname' and 'married surname'.

If you didn't like 'registered surname' you could refer to that as 'birth surname', 'parental surname', or 'paternal/maternal surname'.

[But in the world of legally registered archives it still is your 'maiden surname' Smile! ]

Poledra · 14/05/2013 16:37

Ohh, thanks, M10S - I can live with 'registered surname' and 'married surname'.

Let's face it, I was no maiden by the time I got married anyway BlushWink

slug · 14/05/2013 16:38

As a young(ish) Kiwi, straight off the boat and a tad overtired and irritated with British bureaucracy, I was in a bank trying to open an account. I was holding lots of cold hard cash (as required by the Home Office before they would let me in) a NI number, an address and a job. This was before the money laundering laws had made it almost impossible to open a bank account but the whole process had taken what seemed like hours and I hadn't factored in the habit of banks closing their doors so long before the end of the shopping day.

Bank personage: "Is that Miss or Mrs"
Me: eh?
Bank personage: "Is your title Miss or Mrs?
Me: (at this point heartily fed up) Do you ask a man his sexual availability?
Bank personage: ???
Me: Why on god's green earth is it necessary for you to know whether or not I am married? Would you ask a man if he was married in order to open a bank account? Is there some sound financial reason why a women's sexual availability is more important than a man's? Does a woman suddenly become more financially stable once there's a ring on her finger??

I may have gone on for quite some time..... I honestly couldn't believe that I was, in the latter part of the 20th century being asked that question. In NZ you are Ms unless you specify otherwise.

HazleNutt · 14/05/2013 16:44

At the end of the day, in most situations where titles are used, it shouldn't even matter if you're a male or female. Could do what for example Sweden does and get rid of titles alltogether -everybody is just Firstname Surname.

JoTheHot · 14/05/2013 16:50

I didn't realise that using 'Miss' told everyone you were sexually available. I thought it just told them you preferred to be called 'Miss'.

slug · 14/05/2013 17:01

Miss advertises you as unmarried and therefore available. Mr does no such thing because it does not matter, apparently, to businesses whether or not a man is off the market.

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