After reading every post in this thread I've come to thinking that some of this thread is just making a mountain out of a molehill-the KFC,the chapped lips,dirty/tatty clothes. All are non-issues. God knows I treat my dd to a happy meal every now and then as a treat,there's nothing wrong with that. And she also has the ability to look like a tramp sometimes depending on what she's been doing all day and sometimes I purposely put her in stained (but washed) clothes if I know she's likely to muck her clothes up anyway because of the activites ive got planned for her or we are just dossing round the house and not going anywhere,just because the clothes are actually clean and they're comfy (top and joggers usually) but that certainly doesn't mean my child is neglected or not being looked after properly,hell some of the clothes I wear around the house are stained and have seen better days but that doesn't mean I'm dirty or a bad parent and i doubt anyone on here ponces around in heels,full make up,blow dried hair and wearing a posh frock on a daily basis all day long just in case they need to answer the door or someone might see them in a window! And in all fairness when you've seen the child in dirty/tatty clothes it could be a case of the child has picked out and dressed herself in those clothes because they're her favourites-I know if my dd got to pick her outfit each day she would live in her Tinkerbell pyjamas and alternate them with her pink onesie.
The biggest issues,to me at least,is the dad having a drinking problem and the dad falling asleep for what I assume are long periods of time when the mother is working. That's neglect and a massive cause for concern,a child should be supervised but having a little nap is harmless and we've probably all done it at some point!
The points I'm a bit confused by are why op left her child under the care of this man if she has known for years that he has an issue with drink-as far as Im concerned that makes you an irresponsible parent as you knew about it and no mother in their right mind would willingly allow their child to go with someone who may have had or start having a few drinks while in charge of their child,regardless of whether the child's mother deems the drinker responsible enough to adequately supervise their own kid seeing as,in this case,said mother is not at home the majority of the time to have the first idea of what state he is in or how much attention he pays their child so I certainly wouldn't risk my child being left in his care for any reason or length of time.
Second point I'm confused about is that op is obviously concerned to a certain degree about this child,hence the post in the first place!,but then kind of contradicts this by saying she doesn't even like the child and resents looking after her so much and was annoyed at the child helping herself to an apple that she didn't finish. Surely if you were really concerned you would want the child to be in your care more rather than less,especially if the alternative is her being left with a drunk who falls asleep quite a lot,and would be glad that she ate part of an apple because at least it's healthy and it's some food,seeing as you're concerned about her diet and the healthiness of her diet. Which brings to raise the question of how do you know what her diet is like? You're not there at meal times. Have you based this comment/assumption on the KFC they had when your dd stayed for tea and just come to the conclusion that takeaway dinners must be a daily thing for her?
Third point I'm confused on is why,if you know the mother works a lot and the father is unemployed and has a drink problem so obviously the mother is the one paying the rent and all the bills leaving next to nothing left of her wages no doubt,does it bother you so much that they don't have or take your dd anywhere near as often as you have theirs? I personally would be glad I don't let a drinker be anywhere my child and quite frankly if the mother-despite being a friend-is irresponsible enough to leave her child with a drinker on a regular basis then I can't say I'd want her to be in charge of my child either as she clearly has very different views on what is and isn't classed as acceptable childcare anyway. Yes she probably leaves her kid with the dad because she can't afford a childminder but you would think she would of made arrangements with grandparents or friends,like yourself perhaps,she trusts to look after the child while she works just so she knows her child will be properly supervised,fed and looked after until she finishes work and can do it herself instead of leaving her with someone she knows full well has a drink problem,unless she is,as others have said,exaggerating and he doesn't have that much of an issue as she makes out (for example my best friend says her DH is a big drinker but actually he just likes a beer/glass of wine or 2 with/after dinner every day-hardly a drink problem or what I'd class as a big drinker!)....
FFS, my lips peal like mad. KFC, oh no. My DCs get McDonalds as a treat. They must be neglected. I have dozed off on the sofa, big deal, I wake at the slightest noise.