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to think that my daughter's friend is not being looked after properly?

192 replies

poppymay13 · 11/05/2013 20:11

Her mum's at work most of the time and her dad is unemployed with a drink problem. The parents are not together but live together still. One day I rang at 930 inviting her out. Went to pick her up at 1130 & she wasn't ready cos her dad had fallen back asleep. So she was basically unsupervised. My daughter went there for tea a couple of weeks ago & she said they got KFC (ugh) on the way home & then fell asleep for the whole time my daughter was there. Needless to say she's not going there again. Pretty disgusted especially as I so often take his daughter out to save her from a dull day with him. She's got chapped lips, isn't fed very healthy food and dressed in tatty dirty clothes. I'm not snobby but I do think being regularly hungover or drunk in charge of a 7 y.o. is unacceptable.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/05/2013 20:14

I think judging them for buying a KFC is wrong but other than that YANBU to be worried.

Phone SS and report your concerns, let them decide what needs doing to help them.

Arisbottle · 11/05/2013 20:14

The father being an alcoholic is an issue, mother going to work and a KFC is not an issue.

NotYouNaanBread · 11/05/2013 20:14

Well, from what you said, it's not so much an AIBU as you asking if there is anything you can or should do to help? Do you believe the child is suffering from serious neglect?

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged · 11/05/2013 20:15

I sometimes have a snooze and leave ds to play. He's six.

rubyslippers · 11/05/2013 20:15

is school aware??

may be a good place to start?

the alcoholic father is an issue but not the working mum or KFC

kotinka · 11/05/2013 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 11/05/2013 20:16

Hand some of your DDs clothes over, feed the child good food and be kind. She'll need a non judgey friend and it looks like you're it. As long as she appears happy and fed enough...she'll be ok. If she's being hit, starved or abused mentally or physically THEN you worry. A tatty kid who is fed on KFC isn't enough to call SS over.

FreddieMisaGREATshag · 11/05/2013 20:16

So you're judging them basically because the dad had a lie in and because when they had a guest they went somewhere that for most kids would be a treat?

There has to be more to this than what you're saying in your OP.

BTW my 11 year old has constant chapped lips. I wasn't aware it was neglectful Confused

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 11/05/2013 20:18

I think OP is annoyed as the Dad slept when her DD was there Freddie...and I would be annoyed just don't let your DD go there OP....bring the child to yours.

FreddieMisaGREATshag · 11/05/2013 20:19

I read it as the OP arrived at 11.30 and the girl wasn't ready because the dad had fallen asleep?

cozietoesie · 11/05/2013 20:20

Where's the child's Mum in all this and how many hours does she actually work?

Have you spoken to her in the course of going round to take the child out? She must be there on some occasions, surely.

FreddieMisaGREATshag · 11/05/2013 20:21

Oh, right you mean at tea time? But apparently the mother lives there? Even though they aren't together, so there would have been another adult in the house, or am I reading that wrong too?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 11/05/2013 20:21

I think that any family could have a snippet of their lives posted on here and someone would say call SS.

If you werent so disgusted by the KFC I would probably say YANBU. But from what you have posted I am finding it hard to tell if this is anything more than a case of different standards.

Scheherezade · 11/05/2013 20:23

Oh God I want KFC now....

FreddieMisaGREATshag · 11/05/2013 20:23

My DD hasn't got dressed today. She's still in her pj's and she hasn't brushed her hair. (She has cleaned her teeth)

She's tired she has a sore throat and she wanted a duvet day.

But that could be twisted to poor child mother wasn't fit to dress her.

poppymay13 · 11/05/2013 20:24

I think she's basically ok. It'd be much better if the useless ungrateful father sodded off though. The mum's obviously doing her best by working but I do feel that this child is forgotten about (she has a troubled teenage sister too).

OP posts:
FreddieMisaGREATshag · 11/05/2013 20:25
cozietoesie · 11/05/2013 20:25

Do you see/speak to the mother on occasion?

poppymay13 · 11/05/2013 20:27

And I mentioned the bloody KFC cos that's all the father did that day for them before he fell asleep. The mum was out til 7pm.

OP posts:
OhLori · 11/05/2013 20:28

One of the problems with AIBU is that there is often enough space to put everything in. Therefore its sometimes its difficult to get the full picture.

If you're not entirely clear, perhaps wait a little while and keep your antennae pricked and see what kind of sense you get. I also agree with maybe mentioning it to the School. Or you could ring Childline for some advice. OTOH, though it sounds like she isn't being properly looked after, I suppose you could say that of many children. I think it depends what your real sense of what is going on is.

Jux · 11/05/2013 20:29

I think the more often you have your daughter's friend over the better, at least for the moment.

lisaro · 11/05/2013 20:29

you sound very judgemental about non issues and as such I would find it hard to take you seriously.

FreddieMisaGREATshag · 11/05/2013 20:30

So what about the bloody KFC? Maybe he thought it was a treat?


And if the mother wasn't working I suppose she'd be getting slated as a benefits scrounger too?

What exactly is your issue? That he fell asleep? How long for? She went there for tea and they went to KFC and the mother was home by 7, he can't have been asleep long.

rambososcar · 11/05/2013 20:31

The father's got a drink problem. Is this fact, rumour or supposition?

CombineBananaFister · 11/05/2013 20:32

Like others said, I think there is maybe more to it than you are describing otherwise it just comes across as you being a bit uptight about the Colonel.

Dad being a drunk and falling asleep = unacceptable. Dad being knackered and having a nap = fine. Mum working also not an issue.

BUT if you think your child is not being looked after properly when there, don't let her go AND more importantly if you think the mums got a lot on her plate and you guys are ok then just have them both at your house to play and make sure she's fed well -it will mean a lot.

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