AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

[TheDetective]

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

Try your best yes but not arrange your life around it

No employer/college or anyone else for that matter is ever going to ask your ds how he did in his SATS, I bet you wont even remember in a yr or two.
Secondary school always adjust sets after the first term anyway, being slightly later really wont make the slightest difference.
Let him have some fun, time spent having fun with his Dad is worth more than any test!

I would let him go if it was just about the exams. His dad's attitude would have me bristling and thinking twice though...

Hmmm... but really it is his dad who is being unreasonable, not your son- if he wants to go, I'd let him. If it finishes at 7.30, surely it won't be THAT late a bedtime for his age?

I understand why you asked your mum, because you knew she'd help justify your not letting him go, for whatever your reasons are.

I have spent several years 'boosting' for SATs. The year 6 teachers are under terrific pressure from the Head to get good results. The Head is not concerned with their individual score or setting for secondary schools - they know it doesn't matter- they are concerned about the reputation of their school. Teacher assessment is of far more importance to the child, and that is not based on one test.

How many 10 yr old boys are there in Wigan with separated/divorced parents, and whose grandmother is their HT?

With that in mind you might want a better name change OP. Quite a lot of identifiable info going on.

I think YABU too, but I am probably wasting my time.

I have nothing to wide Marthas so I'm not worried. Thanks for thinking of me though!

I'm not the type of person to type one thing on screen and say another in real life. Or say something that I wouldn't say to someones face.

HTH!

Hide even .

Would like to blame ipad. But no, just fat fingers!

There's a lot of evidence that pushing children to achieve high grades in standardised testing is actually detrimental to them when moving in to higher grades.

I was like that. Managed to just scrape enough to get in to the advanced stream of maths in first year of high school, and then my parents spent a fortune in tutoring (which I detested every minute of) to get me to scrape enough of a grade to get in to the advanced stream for the next two years. Those two years were a nightmare. I would cry myself to sleep over it, would throw up before exams. I ended those two years just getting through with the lowest score possible to get me in to the advanced stream (what we used to call Maths 1 here) for the following two years. I practically had a breakdown over the thought of another two years of it. My mother, finally, saw the light, went to the school and put her foot down and said no more, she's doing what we called Maths in Society back then (which was a more practical maths based course and included economics and social maths more than advanced algebra, trig, etc). The school argued and said I would be limiting myself to not do the advanced maths. But my mother fortunately stood by me, and insisted and said that I was already taking five advanced humanities, so hardly slacking off. I ended up graduating at the top of the class in that course. It made sense to me. I went on to university and a Masters course, and twenty years later, not taking advanced maths has not limited me in anyway. If I'd been placed with the stream based on my appropriate level of skill in the first place, those few years of stress could have been avoided, and it wouldn't have affected my life in any way by taking the lower level course.

Pushing children in standardised testing to "fluke" a top result can actually end up harming more than it does helping them. Not everyone can be top of the class, and education is about encouraging the love of lifelong learning, not about turning children away from developing their own drive to achieve.

How has your opinion of me got anything to do with my ex? I left him. Asked him to leave. He left with his clothes and playstation. He wasn't interested in anything else. There is a reason that is far too personal to disclose on a public forum why. But it isn't anything to do with me, but completely him and his actions.

That was a disgusting and uncalled for personal remark, composhat, and I have reported your post.

What Feenie said,that is an utterly ridiculous and nasty thing to say.

Op I can't believe the vitriol you're getting for trying to do the right thing by your son,1 night out of his life.

I feel for teachers too.They've got Gove and Ofsted breathing down their necks,work their butts off to get the grades to please both and then have attitudes like this.

You can't win,glad I left some years ago.

dangly131 Sun 12-May-13 19:40:49
"You asked if their progress would get taken from them not their learning."

Progress to me means progressing (=moving forward) in your learning, not the measuring system that is used to measure it. Ime you can make real progress in a subject without it showing immediately in your marks (though it will eventually).

Agree that personal speculations about the OP are totally inappropriate and in very poor taste.

I think tthe fact that Op seems to regard her son's wishes and interests so dismissively is more likEly to cause him difficulties than a late night in sats wk.

"Every teacher will notice discrepancies between where a child has been working and the dip that occurs when children do nothing for nearly 2 months."

This seems a very miserable attitude towards learning: the assumption that doing something different out of school amounts to doing nothing.

A fair few of these children will have been playing in the park, building dens, practising their problem solving skills, helping their parents around the house or with DIY, speaking to relatives and friends of varying ages, getting involved in community events, visiting places of interest. All these things develop the mind and therefore, in the long run, support learning.

My children's CM used to comment how greatly their generall langauge skills improved over the holidays. I pointed out that as we stayed abroad they hadn't been practising any English at all. But their minds had been expanded and in the long run this clearly fed into all the languages they spoke.

If children forget some of the immediate facts and techniques practised in that particular school year, this does not mean they have not been learning valuable skills which will eventually feed into all the learning they do.

Education is a longterm project. The above is the short sighted view.

Cory you're being ridiculous.

My kids have the broadest life possible out of school.They've ticked off every thing on the NT list to do before you're 11- wild camping,crabbing,fire making,museums,galleries etc,etc

However the night before exam week they'll be tucked up in bed early and kept on a low key after a restful weekend alongside whatever else school recommends in order to be at their best.Treats and trips will be arranged for after.

That does not mean they lead a narrow life,it's once out of their entire primary education and not a hardship.

My last few posts were not in response to yours, Blueskies. I have never said there is anything wrong with the way you parent the children.

As should be seen from my quoting, it was in direct response to the wording of dangly's posts, which suggest that "progress" should be understood as another word for "test scores" and that no valuable learning takes place in the holdidays.

It was not about the more general question about exam week; it was about a teacher (as I understand dangly to be) propagating a narrow and unhelpful view of education through the way in which she words her posts. Hence my use of quotations to indicate precisely which parts I had a problem with.

OP, I would not like SATS stop my ds doing anything. SATS are not for the benefit of the child and are a load of nonsense!

let SATS stop

I know I am being controlling, I don't see that as an issue. I am controlling the fact that I don't want DS going somewhere I feel is inappropriate

The reasons you are giving are nonsensical and your poor son sounds like he is being used as a pawn in a battle between you and your ex and you are saying no 'because you can' and it is a good way of spiting your ex.

Progress within schools is measurable with levels and sub levels. You asked me about progress so I told you! Children who do no academic work for 2 months are bound to slip and most children spend the summer having fun and not doing any academic work. Try as you might to pull my comments apart that I think no valuable learning takes place during the summer but you know clearly you are out for an argument and being pedantic because you feel you want to be! Learning happens outside of the classroom but how many children do you know work on subordinate clauses during the summer break for example? You and I know full well that is what was meant. Clearly I am narrow-minded as a teacher who knows and appreciates that children need to be children and have a summer of 'other learning' but if you assume that I mean all children should be nailing their use of colons and hyphens during the summer months then you have shown to me you clearly have a bee in your bonnet with everything a teacher says. You have reflected your opinions greater than I have.

dangly

but they don't slip and then not regain their momentum, do they?

The extra time they have had to relax, read, talk and gain self-esteem from the experiences they have (hopefully) had away from the pressure of school and the social set-up of school, not to mention the physical and emotional development, all add up to improvements later down the line.

I think we are all basically agreeing, but sadly the "immediately measurable" seems to have taken precedence over the long-term and less-measurable in teacher's lives

Through no fault of their own

They do regain it again but it does take time after returning to school. I was commenting in response to someone who said that there is a slip noticed in yr7 but my comment was to share that is happens in all years not just yr 7 and it being due to children having a summer having fun. I won't say doing nothing (as in academic work) incase thing gets taken out of context again!

So did he go?